people

A presentation in front of my science class

I can feel my chest tighten

Every word I say is too quick to understand

and too quiet to be heard

I'm almost shaking until its done

and almost run back to my seat

My presentation was good

I just couldn't stand presenting it in front of people

I'm touring and school with a group of people

I can't bring myself to say anything

Theres something stopping me

That I can't get past

What will they think of me?

Are they judging me?

What if I say something wrong?

They probably hate me already

A fun trip with family friends

But when we first arrive

It's like I can't even speak

I just can't

I know what I want to say

I have it ready

I'm reciting it over and over in my head

but when I go to say it

I immediately let someone else speak first

When I go to speak again

My chest tightens

My mouth won't open

I can't even think of the words I was going to say

Even around my friends

I think of what I say

Over and over and over again

Before it's ever spoken

When we walk into a crowd

My head immediately reaches for my necklace

Or my bracelet

Just something to occupy me

Because what if just walking like a normal person

Somehow looks weird when I do it?

So I can't take that chance

I don't want to be judged

I hate being watched

Yet I observe the people around me

I watch and speak less

Because I am a listener, not a speaker