Whoa, am I crazy

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

"Excuse me, sir?"

"No, time." I say, quickly, sniffing the air for missing truffles. "I'm busy."

"Sir, I am a police officer." The disjointed voice says. Jangly. That's how I would describe it.

"And what?" I ask scornfully. "Ya' eating a donut too?" I look him up and down, clicking my tongue like sonar. "Actually a donut would be nice, can I have one?"

"We don't perpetuate that stereotype at the precinct." The narc says, chompin' on a pink one with sprinkles.

I snatch it from his hand and lick it obsessively, then shove it up my ass, ready to answer more questions.

"Ew." The man says, then shakes his head. "You were speeding."

"What? You're not going to ask about the straitjacket?" I mutter.

"Um. You're not wearing a straitjacket. Should you be?"

I glance down at my hands which are frantically digging in the glovebox. "Oh. Right."

"License and registration, please." The man demands. "And we're going to need to do a drug test on you."

"What is this?" I scoff. "Canada? You can't just ask stuff like that from me. Land of the free, homeslice." I glance him up and down, pulling my sunglasses down. "You can't force me to do anything. Fourteenth Amendment, baby."

"This is Australia, mate." The officer says. "And the fourteenth amendment allows all people born or naturalized in the USA to become citizens."

"So now you're going to patronize me because I didn't go to college?"

"Sir, I need your license and registration immediately."

"Sir?" I echo. "So now you're assuming my gender?" I grip my forehead to ward off the headache. "Misogynistic much?"

"Sir?" The officer clears his throat. "Um... ma'am?"

"No, I'm male." I say. "I just didn't like that you didn't ask."

"Do I need to take you down to the station?"

"I wouldn't mind if you took me down to your station." I smile slyly.

The officer plants his palm in his forehead. "Alright, you're coming with me."

"Score!" I hold out my hands to be cuffed.

The man sighs. "Get over here."

"Please, officer. I know," I gesture to myself. "Who wouldn't want to? But you can take me home."

The officer sighs. "And where is home?"

"Whoa!" I gasp. "You're tryna take me back home?" I snicker. "Redweed asylum."

"As in insane asylum?" The man asks.

I look away, biting my lip. "That's not very nice."