deprivation

If my bones are not protruding

my heart rate skyrocketing

my skin dotting with bruises perceptibly

my vision blurring

my organs failing

my death coming

then it would seem I have failed.

But I have not failed.

I am flourishing in a body

a body coated in a layer of fat

my heart rate resting

my skin clearing

my vision evident

my organs functioning

my life busy

For I am alive

I am breathing!

Every step I take is a reminder that I may even walk today

A reminder I am not bound to a wheelchair

because of the inability to even step onto the hard hospital floor

because of the absence of any muscle tissue and the degeneration of bones

Every step reminds me that I am living

living for a future that I can control

a future that won't lead me to a premature death

all from some vain ideology

that my body mattered more than my future and actions

that my body was that only accomplishment 

that my body was all that I was

But I am breathing!

I am smiling and crying and laughing and singing

I am alive and I am here

I am more than an outward appearance

of a body that is unachievable

but rather

of a future

a successful future that I work for

I am breathing!

and I sit here at my computer

typing away with my thoughts

remembering that I am worth living!

I am worth a life of success

and I will achieve my dreams

I am breathing.