One day I’ll be there.
I can't quite yet determine
what it means to be alive.
Does it mean succeeding?
Because as of yet all I have done is
fail,
fail,
and fail.
Again without deviation I
stick to this path laid out before me,
a road into the opaque future that is
so far away, and yet
so,
so,
close.
So close in fact, that it is almost like we're touching.
Caught up in the crushing embrace
of my oh so familiar unknown,
an old acquaintance whom I have known
for long,
long,
longer than I can remember.
It's almost as if I'm watching,
everyone around me living as if
everything is fine and clear
and I am the only one who was
left,
left,
left out of the secret, never given the map for this.
The days outside start to change,
the length of cycles that do not affect me.
The only sun I revere is the one inside me,
yet it barely comes out and the darkness that resides is
commanding,
telling,
forcing me into a place with no light.
It's so hard to see and it's almost as if
my road has disappeared completely.
I try to tiptoe through the off beaten trail,
but I'm afraid that I will be
lost,
lost,
lost in this forever.
I see with my heart, as my eyes
do not work in this inky black emptiness,
and there's a compass inside me that
points to the light, and all I can do is just
follow,
and follow,
and follow, in the hopes that I will see it soon.
It's funny how now,
in the loneliest of times I can feel
so confused and befuddled.
I'm walking blind and the only thing I have is
my hope,
my dreams,
my spirit.
But with every step I get closer,
to confidence and the light,
and the place where I'm meant to be.
As long as I keep believing,
believing,
believing,
believing.
I can get through this,
this cloak of empty nothing,
the muddled thoughts and feelings.
One day I'll be
almost,
almost,
there. One day I'll be there.