8 Reasons I Prefer Zombies to Vampires

Just my opinion, but here are my reasons …

1 – They work better with others.

Vampires tend to be egotistical and power hungry. Zombies, on the other hand, are just plain hungry. They simply don’t have the superpowers of vampires and on their own, they can often be dodged, so they have to function as a team. This keeps them humble.

2 – They are less emotionally demanding

Zombies have less emotionally intense issues. Your typical vampire has a grudge that spans continents and goes back generations to well before his family learnt English as a second language. Zombie angst, on the other hand, is limited to “You have one and a half arms and I only have one – no fair!”

3 – Zombies don’t discriminate: It’s easy to join.

There are no complex rules about who’s bite does what, who’s cursed, who’s immortal and who’s not. No awkward loaded questions like “How come he ends up with vampire superpowers and I just end up an enthralled minion?” Nope! With zombies, it’s one bite and you’re in.

4 – They have a simpler outlook on life

A Vampire has to contend with questions like, “Is this girl my next meal or is she my potential soul-mate?”

“If I take her home will my family like her?”

“Will they bite her?”

“Will I bite her?”

No, Sir! For a zombie, no such grey areas exist. The world is delineated clearly into two different groups:

    Zombies  -       (don’t bite); and

    Not Zombies - (bite)

5 – Better work ethic.

Zombies are a relentless slow-growing threat. They keep on ‘keeping on’. They are honest. Vampires, on the other hand, rely on surprise, deception & spasmodic efforts interspersed with some extremely long periods of sleeping.

6 – They don’t hide.

If a zombie surprises you, he probably didn’t mean to.

7 – Zombies can be stopped with guns.

Yep. Conventional weapons work (which incidentally is just one of the many reasons why we should all carry shotguns). Unlike vampires, zombies really do give ordinary people a sporting chance.

8 – Easily recognisable.

Finally, zombies are less likely to pose as ordinary people doing ordinary things. This may not be true for every vocation (I am thinking of a few offices I have worked in) but, in the main, you’re really not likely to find that your co-worker of 5 years has been a zombie all that time.

What do you think?