to my dearest friend; if i could summon the courage to tell you

sometimes the ability to perceive

things as they are unfolding

can really make my feelings harder to deal with

it's so unsettling to feel you slipping

away, gliding past me as all i can think about is that perfect, stopped time in your life when we were happy and how maybe

just maybe it's all a dream.

but i could see the lustful way you looked over when you heard those

stories about their parties

how much you wanted to be with them

to live on in their legacy of

self-perpetuating popularity with them

you wanted so bad for them to talk to you, you wanted so bad for them to care about you

i could feel the way your happy smiles became more distracted

i could feel the way your new friends

made you feel cooler, better, more in tune with those clique-y teenage girls

from the movies that you revered

but i choose to remember our laughs

and weirdly fun activities on late nights

and the way we spent every second

together; the closest of friends.

as recent as a year ago i was certain

we could weather any storm,

i knew that we would be friends forever

and i would have done anything,

anything for you.

but now you have them. now you have what you desired. now people look at you with the same longing you once had. now you have no need for our crazy adventures together. now you have no time for our laughs.

now you have

no time for me.

and i wish i could not just sit by and

watch all this unfold

as our friendship sails away

in the gigantic ocean, and

white frothy waves push us

further and further away

but i know i will not speak up.

and you will disappear into the horizon.