My Mother Beating Me

I don’t remember

Whether she beat me

With the buckle end

Or the strap

Or both

I don’t recall any blood

Or bruises

Maybe I was just too fast for her

I don’t know why she raged at me

Some sort of disrespect perceived

or misdirected anger and frustration

I have screamed

When the volcano boils over

I hate myself after

Apologize and explain

And hope its enough

She chased me through the house

I was percolating with fear.

The blows fell on me

Near the aluminum trash can

By the side of the desk

In their bedroom

My father was never home,

He knew the weather

But never the climate

I was a thin child

I put my hands up

At 18 I was almost six feet tall

She was five foot one

I was always the moving target

Fear and anger are my white complexion

A blizzard I cannot shake off

She chased me

And punished me

And chased me

Until one final day

In the front entranceway

I turned and smacked her once

Good and hard

across the face

She never hit me again.

I don’t know what I learned from this

Whatever it was

Whatever it is

I hate it.