Help I’m Alive

oh no, not again

I've realized my existence

I've remembered my small life

I woke up this morning and something was wrong

now I realize exactly what it is

my life, my story, my plot in this life

I've been happy for too long

I've laughed too loud

and now its back

the dark cloud that follows

its here to remind me

that my life, my sad pathetic life

is it really worth living?

each day the same

alone, mindless, unimportant

I accomplish nothing

I do nothing

I sit on a couch in front of mindless tv

what is the point?

what is my life?

the black cloud of goop crawls closer

asking questions I've been running from

who would care? who would mind?

if I simply stopped existing

my breathing is heavy its hard to pull in air

the black cloud is choking

I feel I'm not that rare.

each day I keep busy

I clean and do little things

I try to make plans

for a future in my life

but sometimes I see a reality

my life is boring and pointless

should I pack up and leave?

or simply cease to be?

what does it matter my mind tells me

I stare blankly out the window

my thoughts are in a knot

and I need to turn off

because if I don't

if I don't stop this spiraling downfall

something bad could come following

though it wouldn't seem bad

a temporary way to get rid of this cloud

that hovers and squeezes, chokes and covers

I need to get a grip but I don't know how

my life seems so pointless

what do I do now

I'm alive and living

but I'm not living life

I'm sitting stationary, I'm not moving forward

I need something more

or else i'll go insane

ive turned myself off

I cant even feel

theres nothing and nothing and nothing anymore

i'll stare out blankly unable at all

my smile will stretch to empty eyes

but i'm fine, yes i'm fine

I repeat this mantra

this mantra of mine

i'm fine, I have to be fine

i'm fine and alive, what more could you want

my mind is insane trying to kill me

but I'm fine in my suicidal mind

telling me that I'm alone

but I'm fine

I'm fine oh so fine, its all I can say

fine, fine, fine

I have to be I have to be I have to be

I have to be fine

because I am alive

and if I'm not fine I might as well die