The Truest Part of Your Soul

In every mind, there is a world, a fear, a truth buried deep within a secret corner that is accessible only to the host of it. Very rarely do we acknowledge that corner but it is there and it is the truest part of your soul. 

For years I rejected what I knew was in my corner. I rejected the realization that I lack all ability to love and yet I treasure it above all else. My heart was like a patient fighting for their life; they see where they need to be, they see the healing that could come, and in their minds they are chasing after it, drawing nearer with every shaking breath and then, one day, their body fails. They slip into a sleep from which they will never wake. And the saddest part is that their soul convinces itself they have reached healing because the physical pain has stopped. Their soul creates a world to protect itself from the truth that their body failed.

That is what my love looks like. I try to invest in other people and pour into their lives and when I have almost reached that point, I fall short, and harm and break those close to me. So, I build a world around my dying heart because it cannot bear the truth that it is incapable of really loving anything. 

The worst part about that corner of your mind is that you never see what's hidden there until it has already begun to destroy you. And the battle to break down those walls that you've built around it is one you will face again and again because it is the truest part of your soul and that is something you can never escape.