electra meets her maker
i.
daughter says to darkness,
let me go.
my glory is not yours for the taking.
yellow eyes glaze over her body.
he cracks her covenant with bare fists—
i will settle for the rest of you.
ii.
speak of the day you died,
he begs.
tell me of the day the serpent swallowed you whole.
i tell him,
it was a day like any other.
bells chimed at 10:30 as i awoke to the smell of hot oats
and buttoned my blouse until i resembled a holy child
worthy of what i dubbed snack time
but my mother called communion,
better than any other bread.
i lived as a cherub, swaddled in egyptian silk
with a lion’s heart,
an oxen’s wealth,
an eagle’s strength,
and man’s flaws.
i had a dream i smashed a stained glass window with a rawlings baseball bat
because i wanted to know if god’s house was as tough as i was
and i made it a reality
when i watched the mosaic of veronica’s veil shatter.
weak.
the naked light scalded my skin, burned these jaded eyes,
but it did not touch these bones.
was the sunlight not strong enough to reach your heart?
not strong enough to penetrate this ravenous wolf’s sheep's clothing.
iii.
why must you hate a man you’ve never met?
why ask if you know the answer?
every time i'm told to pray
someone's tumors are in the process of turning malignant
so i tend to equate god to cancer
and when the priest found out i was gay
he pulled me aside and told me it's okay,
we all make mistakes and sin sometimes.
he told me not to worry
because he's just like me.
see, he's a glutton for india pale ale
and i'm a dyke who eats pussy.
but he wants to fix me,
so i let him,
and when he thrusts
and i quiver,
i feel like judas
taking one for the team of twelve disciples
whom knew at least one jericho was destined to fall.
iv.
ways to go:
-sink my lungs in forty nights' worth of water
-build gallows in the bedroom and allow gravity to snap my skin
-divine death (pray god strikes me with lightning)
-let him touch me again
v.
murderer asks martyr,
who are you doing this for?
martyr replies, i am doing this for myself.
murderer says as he cocks his gun and takes aim,
how selfish.
i’m doing this for someone else.