to be clean

what does it mean

to be clean?

the scars on my wrists

have faded.

i've been

clean

for years.

but i am still

haunted

by the desire.

what does it mean

to be clean?

am i truly clean

if i let my gaze linger

too long

on broken glass?

the scars on my wrists

have faded

and every day

i debate

replacing them.

is that

clean?

or am i trapped

in a new

addiction?

what does it mean

to be clean?

addictions are never cured

only managed,

and i'll wait

for it to return

in the

(not so)

distant future.