I am in a dark room, eyes closed to focus on my feet and their hips and the music that’s shaking the floor beneath me. And I feel lost in a bar full of people, I feel wreckless and destructive. I see eyes as sad as mine and I want to drown in them, I want us to destroy each other. I am drawn to faces and mouths and hands on warm bodies, moving because we know if we stop, our sadness will engulf us. We are our own personal fires, designed to burn to death. My heart races with the tempo and then my anxiety is choking me and I see eyes searching for mine. I find myself searching back, and when we find each other, we are drawn to the chaos we could cause. We are drawn to the destruction, the madness, the end.