″..going to be...”

I could feel my chest contracting. I had no dobt that this was it. Those sweet, precious moments of clarity while the world fell out from under my feet. As my breathing shallowed and my face lost all resemblence of color, I understood the moment for its true intent. Every singular moment until this exact second in history was insignificant.

Yesterday, the neighbors dog destoryed the garabage yet again, and I decided I wanted nothing more than to ship the dog to Africa with a ‘Do Not Return’ label. Last month, I broke my heel on the way to dinner and thought the universe was delivering a fresh dose of karma. Last year, I felt like the world was out to get me because I lost two business promotions to bright, fresh faces at the company I have slaved at for 6 years.

Each incident, although important, was about as significant as running out of groceries. All things that can be replaced, fixed, or changed with hard work and determination. All moments that mean next to nothing when over-looking one’s entire lifeline.

It turns out there is only a few moments in life that are actually existential. Some might feel like these moments come in forms of very big life events. My mom would probably say the day I moved out for college is existential. My dad, as well as my husband, might say the day I got married is existential. Every friend in my life might say that building my own house at 25 is existential.

It’s funny how everyone views such small things during a lifespan in different versions of relevance. Yet so few people view life itself as relevant enough to make the list.

Most people go about their day-to-day lives and never once realized that every second they are alive somewhere in the world someone is dying. That for every soul that leaves this world a new one comes into the universe kicking and screaming. Literally.

I never understood how important it was, the cycle of life. How we need life and death to complete the process of evolution. How without evolution, humanity would have just seized to exist millennials ago. How every single person in this universe would have no timeline if they chose to hault the process of evolution.

It is quite crazy how a human being, through work of many chormosomes and cells brings another living human into the world. Not knowing who, what, or how that tiny human is going to impact the world. Just knowing that because of the choices they made a life now depends on them to survive. A life that was created, formed, and brought into this world to replace another.

Pure joy is not understanding the implications of your part in a lifecycle.

Pure joy is understanding that thanks to your part, the universe continues to evolve.

″...a girl.”

Then I know, when I look into her eyes, that my life will continue through her, because she is existential.