The only logical (again, sleep-deprived!) answer to the question of getting to wherever she was kidnapped was drinking the slushy. But first, I had to pack stuff. The first thing I grabbed was our entire supply of bloody gummies. Granted, it wasn’t a lot, as I had to pick up my monthly delivery a few days later, but it was still quite a few bags. I stuffed them in my knapsack and tossed in a few other necessary things. (this included, but was not limited to, sugar, several hoodies, (I get cold quick, don’t judge (well, I am a vampire, so that kinda makes sense)) my journal, more sugar, a knife, and a couple of other things I needed.) Fully prepared (as much as could be) I picked up the slushy, mentally preparing myself to drink.

I breathed in deeply, before sucking on the straw. An explosion of flavor hit my tongue, both disgusting, and the best thing I had ever tasted at once. It was sweet, but also thick, with a strange tanginess, that faded into a taste like stale tea. I closed my eyes, soaking in the flavor. While I did so, Socks managed to wriggle into my bag. I opened my eyes, and saw his pale blue eyes staring at me balefully, annoyed that I was about to poof like his other owner without bringing him. At least that’s what I guessed.

“Socks!” I yelled, trying to push him out of the bag. It worked, to an extent. He managed to sink his claws into the side of the bag, hanging down, glaring at me. As soon as I started to pry his claws up, I felt a tingling sensation in my toes. ‘Oh shit…’ I thought, before being blinded for the second time that night, and losing consciousness.

When I regained consciousness, I was laying down on the ground in a place that looked like it could use a good makeover. The couches were overturned, and the walls were covered with sharpie scribbles. Or I at least hoped that was sharpie. Socks was sitting on my chest, and when I tried to sit up, he lept off. My chest throbbed, and I groaned, unconsciously searching for my bag. When I found it, I searched through it, before my hand closed around the handle of the knife. Pulling it out, I sat up fully, peering through the dark room for a hint of anything.

I gasped and stood up, leaping towards a couch where I saw Bella lying down, unconscious. She looked as if she had fallen right onto the couch from the ceiling, limbs splayed outwards. I shook her, looking for any sign of life. She was still breathing, but softly.

I heard a rustling from behind me, and blindly stabbed in the general direction of the noise, praying to the All Mother that I wasn’t about to kill Socks. My knife collided with a solid object, sinking into it. I heard a grunt, and spun around, my knife sticking in a solid object. Then I saw it.

It was a… thing man. (I mean, I was guessing it was a dude, cause he wasn’t wearing a shirt) A demon/lion creature, with a large red mane around his head. As I took in the very interesting visage of this creature, he pulled the knife out of his abdomen, and said (very eloquently I might add,) “ow”. His voice was deep and gruff, almost like my 350-year dead grandpa (it might have been my fault… we’ll get to that later) As I watched, the wound stitched itself up, leaving no visible marring on his skin.

“Is stabbing the new fangled thing the kids are doing these days?” he asked me, perplexed.

I stared at him, gears spinning in my mind, as I wondered how the author came up with such stupid things for us to say. Like this. “Um, I hope not?” I said, still quite confused.

Stabbing someone is a perfectly valid method of introduction.

Shut up. You haven’t been introduced yet. And how am I talking to you?

The normal dose of insanity that comes with being a bitchy teenager? Deal with it. I don’t like talking to you but I still have to do that, you can put up with my interruptions.

Well, you’re not wrong.

#fantasy #comedy #lgbtq+

We watched the movie, occasionally pointing out plot errors, and animation flaws like we usually did. We had only gotten to the part in the underworld (you know, dancing crabs and shit) when I noticed something strange. Despite it being a little past midnight, with all the lights turned off, our living room was somehow lit up, like a cave with bioluminescent moss. I poked Bella and pointed it out to her.

“Hey, Bel, have you any clue as to why our house is glowing?” I asked, pausing the movie.

“I dunno, you’re the vampire, you should know,” she said, slurping on her slushy.

“Where the fuck did you get that?” I asked, gesturing at the slushy. She hadn't been holding it a second ago, and I was very confused.

“It was on the table. Want some? It's really good.” she said, slurping on it some more, before looking at my incredulous face.

“How many damn times do I have to tell you not to eat random food!?” I yelled, half exasperated, half actually laughing at her stupidity.

“I dunno. Where did you get this? It's reallly good.” she said, looking at the cup

“I didn't buy that...” I said, confused.

“Well, I didn't either. I guess, then, by process of elimination, Socks bought it. Smart kitty!” she said, rubbing the cat. When he purred, she whispered, “yes you did, you cute, fantastic cat!”

“Welp, I'm pretty sure that’s not what happened, but I'll roll with it. Just don't get kidnapped or something, cause that was drugged.” I said, shrugging, and was about to hit play on the movie, when that's exactly what happened.

Later, looking back at the scenario, and the fact that a random slushy just popped into existence, I should have noticed something was off. But people, give me some slack, I was highly caffeinated, and had just finished a really hard day of work.

Anyways, there was a bright flash of orange-colored light, and I went blind for a good twenty seconds. When I was able to see my surroundings again, I noticed that the glowing of the room had stopped.

I jumped up to turn on a light, yelling “Bella! Are you ok!” while I did so. Once the light was on, I noticed an empty spot where Bella had been sitting seconds ago. The only things there were a thick piece of parchment and a very disgruntled looking Socks. I grabbed the paper, and read it frantically, searching for any clue as to where Bella had disappeared to. It read:

Dear reader. If you are reading this, then you are the person who we kidnapped’s SO/spouse/ friend. We apologize for inconveniencing you by kidnapping them, but my master needed a friend. Do not try to follow us, or you will have your blood sucked out of your dead body. Thank you!

Well, that was a useless threat. I was already dead, and didn't technically have any blood. I guess I was following them then.

#lgbtq+ #comedy #fantasy

She popped back out a few seconds later, holding an armful of snacks. “Here's my chocolate, and pretzels, and… Aha!”

She pulled a ziplock bag out, full of red gummies.

“Yes!” I yelled, hugging the bag to myself. “My bloody gummies!”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re lucky I love you, Addy, most other people would freak at your obsession with blood jello.”

“They would probably freak at me being a vampire first though...” I said, already chomping down.

“True. Moana or Frozen?”

“Moana, duh, there’s no kissing.”

“Hmm true. Also, Moana’s a lot hotter than either Anna or Elsa,” she said, popping the pretzel bag so loud, that the cat jumped out from under the couch.

“Oh sorry Socks!” Bella said, reaching down to pet the cat, nearly spilling her pretzels in the meantime.

“Um ew?” I said, selecting the movie.

“Socks?” she mumbled through a mouthful of snacks

“No, duh, Socks is a handsome boy. I mean your crush on Moana.” I said, rolling my eyes at her.

“You don't think she is at least cute?”

“Um, no? Asexual much?”

“Well, you can still find people attractive just not be attracted to them, right?” she asked.

“We have been living together for four years, and you still don't know this?” I asked, confused, but not surprised.

“Sorry…” she said, “you know I forget loads of things.”

“Well to answer your question, I don't know,” I said laughing, as I remembered the time she forgot her own birthday until the night of said birthday.

“Welp, that's good enough for me,” she said, picking up Socks, and plopping him in between us on the couch.

#fantasy #comedy #lgbtq+

“A long, long time ago”

“In a galaxy far far away?”

“...really?”

“You understood that one!”

“I’m 358, Bel, not living under a rock! Can I continue please?”

“Fine fine... ahem A LONG LONG time ago...”

“I died”

“Was it cool?”

“Heck yeah!”

Ten years later...

“You up for a movie tonight?” I called from the living room, shutting my laptop.

“Fuck yeah!!” called Bella, running into the kitchen to grab snacks.

I put the computer on the coffee table and was snuggling into the couch cushions when I heard a loud crash from the kitchen. “Don’t break the microwave!” I yelled, flipping on Netflix.

“Whyyy? Don’t you trust me?” she whined, poking her head through the divider between the living room and kitchen.

“Bel, I’ve known you since you were twelve. Of course, I don’t trust you” I say, rolling my eyes at her.

“Ughhh, stop being such an old lady, Addy!”

“You’re technically older than me…’’ I pointed out, much to her dismay. I had been holding this over her head since her twenty-first.

She raised her middle finger, and popped back in the kitchen, presumably to grab the snacks that she hadn’t ruined. (full disclosure, Bella is a terrible chef and burns literally everything, so despite the fact that I can’t have most foods, I still have to cook for us.)

#comedy #fantasy