Perhaps
Perhaps leaving Is needed;
To Leave everything and go
Somewhere far far away
Somewhere nobody knows anything about you
Perhaps This journey can happen on the inside too
Perhaps...
Perhaps It's better to not be around;
Not to be dead
Just not be around
Perhaps loneliness gets easier
Perhaps suddenly seeing her, talking to her and not getting lost in her eyes gets easier
Perhaps...
Perhaps finding someone would become impossible
Nobody to check on you
Or nobody new willing to get to know you
Perhaps...
Perhaps It's better to be around;
Not to be alive
Just be around
Perhaps...
Perhaps It's better to leave for some time
And go somewhere far away
Not a physical journey
But a spiritually one
A necessary one
Perhaps...
Perhaps this is the last writing
For a very long time
Perhaps nobody reads It
Perhaps...
If I had
If I had all the time In the world,
I'd do nothing
I'd go to the beach, or in the woods
And do absolutely nothing
Just sit and breath
So maybe I appreciate the things I
take for granted more.
If I had all the time in the world,
I'd keep making mistakes
again and again and again...
So I can learn from them and grow
If I had all the money In the world,
I'd buy you the garden that you
always talked about
And help you make it the way you want it, with your favorite flowers
And I'd spend every moment of It
smiling
If I had all the money In the world,
I'd take us to your favorite holiday
And I'd walk around the city with you, buy the things you love, sit at a
cafe with you.
I'd spend every moment of it smiling
But no amount of time and money can show you my love
So I just keep on loving you.
December Cigarette
The city was cold as usual in December. The wind was blowing slowly but coldly, in the middle of the caress of the wind, the sounds of a man's firm footsteps could be heard. Neil put both his hands in the pocket of his green jacket and took his steps carefully so as not to slip on the frozen snow.
After reaching his destination, he looked around a bit, took deep breaths and watched the steam coming out of his mouth. He took a cigarette from his pocket and after several attempts to keep the fire lit from his lighter , he lit his cigarette.
Neil waited.
Drowned in his own thoughts, he heard a familiar voice next to him.
" Cigarettes on a windy night in winter... ah what a feeling this should be."
" You're late."
" I'm sorry, I was busy. It's nice to see you Neil."
Neil took a deep puff on his cigarette.
" Nice to see you too, Jake."
Jake sat next to Neil on a large piece of rock.
" I haven't heard from you for a while, I thought maybe you don't want to see me anymore." Jake smiled.
Neil was looking at the ground, smoking his cigarette.
" Yeah, but It wasn't like I could've lost you. I knew where you were."
There was silence between the two friends for a few moments. Neil smoked his cigarette and threw the rest of it on the ground. Jake jokingly objected to Neil's action.
" I don't get it, Is It okay If I threw garbage in front of your house!?"
Jake was trying to make Neil happy with his jokes but he wasn't successful.
" Well, you can't do that, can you?"
Jake was annoyed by Neil's cold manner and stomped his foot on the ground out of frustration.
"Alright, that enough, tell me what's goin on."
" Nothing."
" I SAID TELL ME WHATS GOIN ON!"
Neil looked at the sky and gave a meaningful smile.
" It's nothing Jake, It's nothing."
Jake sighed.
" We talked about it Neil, you have to move on. that's what you were supposed to do."
" Yeah, yeah... I'm trying you bastard... I'm trying."
There was silence and only the sound of the wind could be heard. Neil shivered from the cold.
" Won't you catch a cold?"
" Getting cold is least of my worries right now, Jake. but this can warm me up."
Suddenly Neil took a beer can from his pocket and opened it. Both Jake and Neil laughed.
"You sonofabitch, are you serious?! I used to beg you to grab a drink with me you'd tell me, no, I don't like it. Asshole!"
Neil smiled and drank some of the beer.
"Yeah, well, I used to smoke less at that time too."
"How much do you smoke now?"
"More than before..." He took another sip of his drink. " More than before."
Jake was staring at Neil and watching his movements and got a worried look.
"So... what's up? Is everyone okay?"
"I don't know about the boys."
Jake was surprised.
" What do you mean?"
"I mean, I got nothing to do with them."
"Wtf?! Why?"
"I don't want to talk about it now. But they're okay, I know that."
"Hmm... ok. How is everything at work?"
"Good, it's better than before. I got a promotion... Now I'm a sales manager."
Jake was surprised to hear this news and got up for a moment.
"Neil! That's great, dude! Congratulations."
"uh huh."
"Uh huh?!, man I wanna punch you in your face. Tell me more about it!."
Neil laughed, but his laugh wasn't enough for his friend Jake.
"Well, what can I say, another promotion. The salary is higher, I get more respect in the workplace, four or five people work work under my supervision."
"What about that girl who was at your work, were you able to make a move?"
" Not yet."
Jake stomped his foot on the ground again.
"You're an Idiot, Neil, Idiot! Pushing her away so she ends up going with someone else."
Neil didn't answer.
"But I know you, man. I know you're waiting for someone to come and get him, so you can stay like that."
Neil still did not react.
"And the reason for that is that you WANT to find an excuse to be sad. You're waiting for something bad to happen so that you can tell yourself that these things are why I'm smoking and drinking now."
Neil laughed.
"You really are a piece of shit, Jake. But I wish you were wrong."
"But I'm not."
"You're not." Neil stared at the sky.
"Of course I'm not. I know you better than anyone else. But you have to change, Neil. You have to end this ridiculous game. You can't wait for a special moment because it won't come. dude, If my words mean anything to you, please think about them and change."
There was silence.
" John's birthday is this weekend. Like always, the boys will probably go to Vintage Cafe."
" Look, I don't know what's going on with you and the boys, but you gotta go."
Neil took a deep breath.
" I wish we could go together."
" I'm not your girlfriend dumbass."
They both laughed.
" You have few days until weekend, Neil, talk to the girl and invite her to the weekend's birthday party."
Neil nodded in agreement.
" Ok ok. I'll talk to her... So, how's that side? "
Jake reached into his pocket and looked around.
"You know I can't say anything, Neil."
"I know, but... are you okay there?"
"Yeah, things are good."
" So, like..."
Jake interrupted Neil.
"Don't ask anymore. Don't worry about me, Neil. I'm fine, dude."
"Ok, ok."
"Hey, look at that." Jake pointed to the sky.
It started to snow. The orange light of the street lights made the environment beautiful when it snowed.
Neil closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Small particles of snow fell on his face and brought a smile to Neil's face.
A little further away, a big man in a thin jacket and a one-colored hat slowly moved towards them.
The man waved at them.
"Hey! It's past 10. You can't be here any longer!"
Neil took out his phone and looked at the clock.
"Shit... half past ten."
Jake smiled.
"You have to go."
Neil stood up and picked up the empty can of beer and the rest of his cigarette. He looked around again.
Jake was still sitting.
"Take care Neil."
"See you around Jake."
Neil moved slowly. He saw the man on the way.
"Sir, what are you doing here alone at this time of night?"
Neil patted the man's shoulder and smiled.
"Just visiting a friend. Good night."
Neil moved towards the main street. As he reached the sidewalk in the exit area where he was, he picked up another cigarette and lit it and went to the sidewalk.
He passed under a sign and reached the main walk.
It was written on the board:
"Northern City Cemetery"
The End.