My loneliness is a ghost I sometimes let in through the back door

I purposely leave the door unlocked

Forget for a second it even exists

My loneliness is a homeless bastard

It asks for charity

As if it doesn’t already own half of my things

As if I am not charitable enough by letting it live rent-free inside of this body I call a house

My lonely has worn so many names

And tonight it wears yours

Like a dress on a gala

The type of dress you wear only in special occasions

I feel the bitter taste of the I love you

I’ve told you so many times tonight

It’s not sweet as it used to

It burns the back of my throat as I try to swallow it back

As if I’ve not said it before

As if it holds the weight of every name it has dressed as

My lonely is the reason why falling in love

feels more like falling down the stairs

less like flying

and more like taking part on a play where every character is a scam

And every scene is an illusion

So tonight

I’ll write your name in my memory

make sure to lock the backdoor

And tell the bastard

This house is not

giving charity any more.

I've grown to understand myself.

The caves in my head

I now navigate

smoothly.

One year ago

I let the shouts control me.

They shook me to the core

and sucked me dry - no more.

The chaos beneath my hat

is spread like floating dust;

hovering with controlled gravity.

One year ago

it was chaos.

Through the practice

of self awakenings

and countless mindful moments

I master the mess

that once was.

Dear children of America, it wasn't supposed to be this way. America was supposed to be a place where you could grow up surrounded in freedom, where you weren't judged for who you are or where you came from. America was supposed to be a place where you could express your opinion without fear of being judged. America was supposed to be a place where all were accepted.

Clearly, this is not what America turned out to be.

People in America are judged for their skin color, their nationality, their religion. People first came to America to escape all this. But, all this followed those people to their new homeland.

You're all growing up in a place overtaken by hate and judgement, and the really sad thing is, it wasn't supposed to be this way.

If you die,

and there is no God,

no Heaven,

no great reunion

in the sky,

your only true legacy

is how you made people feel.

You always told me I'm too young. That there was so much left for me to learn.

You always accused me of wanting to settle down, too quickly, too soon. Assuming it was now or never.

I have lived a thousand lives, and loved a thousand times, and if you or the universe are going to punish me for the sheer intensity of the love I give, then so be it.

I know what I want.

I know that I love you.

I know I'm too much, too soon.

But I was yours.

I wove you into the fabric of my life without hesitation, though you gave me every reason to rip you away from me at the seams. Every loose thread you could find, you pulled hard until we unravelled, begging me to stop patiently tying knots along the way, asking me quietly to hate you, and cut you off.

Let me teach your hands to create, let me teach your fingers to move slowly, freely, and to let your heart and mind meet at last.

It's not that I needed to tie the knot,

I just wanted you to stop pulling.

i

was

a

glacier

but

to

you

i

was

an

icecube

I can be the woman in red,

I can be the woman you bed

I can do all those easy slutty things

The kind of kink that makes your bell ring.

That's not the authentic me.

Let me just be myself with you

Gentle and warm while loving you

Let me caress and tickle.

Feel all of you while I take all

of you in, enjoying it too!

Your laugh, your smile

Sustain for a little while.

db

My dog Darl loved to chase

anything on two or more wheels.

Cars, trucks, vans, and motorbikes,

and carts that carried meals.

He'd take off like a rocket

if he saw tires rolling past.

There'd be no point chasing him.

He'd be running too fast.

Then, one rainy day he was

in pursuit of a city bus.

The bus turned. Darl did not.

Boy, that driver could cuss!

I'm aware such a tragedy

is an event not unheard of,

but at least my dear dog Darl

died doing what he loved.