Forgiving others is eaiser than forgiving yourself. I can't seem to let go of the person I once was. I can't seem to move on the person I wanna become. My feet are moving, but I am not going anywhere. All I see is everything I can't let go. I trust in God, and I pour into others, but I never can pour into myself. The pain I caused my family, my friends, God and myself, is so hard to foget.

What I am coming to realize, is that every storm has a rainbow at the end of it. Just takes time.

God isn't out to make our lives painful, he is out to make them healed. You just gotta trust him. If you are reading this don't ignore it. Think about it. Being a follower of Jesus or not. You are loved. You are forgiven. You are strong. You are his. Rather you believe it or not, you are his. He is so fond of you, even when we hurt him. Ler me ask you this. If you have kids, which one would you send to hell? Or would you take it? Thats what Jesus said to God. Jesus is standing infront of God saying "Look at me not them." Jesus took our pain. It takes time and I am realizing it, but are you willing to let him heal you?

 You can't take back the words you said, or unsee what you saw. You can't ever undo something. You can never take it back once you did it. But we can change how we are. And that is something. You are forgive in Gods eyes. But do you forgive yourself in your eyes?

Ephesians 2:8

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."

Who out there has got a problem?

Such an issue to resolve?

Something you could use some help with,

But whoever will you call?

Will you say, "Author, oh author, haven't you heard?

There's so much going on right now,

I'm feeling quite disturbed!

I'm under stress, I'm depressed,

I'm going crazy, I'm a mess.

If I'm anything at all

I am a nervous wreck at best.

It's noticed too much to bluff,

And as of now I've had enough,

Expectations are too rough,

And meeting standards is hard.

How am I supposed to manage

Through priorities and such?

What else could you want from me?

My God, it's too much!"

Not that anyone complains to me,

Or anyone's confiding.

We live in one judgmental place,

they'll keep their fears in hiding.

There're addicts, dramatics, and spastics far from practic.

How quickly one thinks that they know you

With a single glance is drastic.

But the worst thing you can do

Is decide to give up.

"can't" has never made a benefit,

So it has nothing to live up.

"can't" didn't fight wars, claim shores, build cores,

"can't's" never done something no one's ever done before.

But nothing else matters to you,

So all fades when you’re ailed,

Wondering when the pain will stop

Like writing tallies if you're jailed.

But if anything,

You have hope.

It makes things easier

for you to cope.

So march on brave soldier

With your head held up real high.

You're stressed but you're the best.

Don't let your life pass idly by.

Someone believes in you,

Even if it's not yourself.

Sure I've done nothing in person,

But at least you've found some help.

I first met grief on that fateful day.

She sat down next to me

and said she would stay.

Through days and nights

in a fog of tears

Grief held my hand,

and calmed my fears.

In the moments I felt

it was too much to bear,

Grief said, it's okay

it just means you care.

I woke up waiting expectantly.

Grief came every day

to check on me.

She brought over memories

for me to see.

Both good and bad,

I wept bitterly.

She put the memories

back in the box.

And said I could have them forever

if I want.

The next week she only

came over twice.

To see how I was faring

and give some advice.

Go take a long walk outside,

The fresh air will help you,

there's no need to hide.

She left quite suddenly

when I began to walk.

I thought it strange she didn't

stay and talk.

I breathed in the sights

and the smells of nature,

The breeze, tickled pine trees

and rustled fallen leaves.

I felt myself smile

for the first time in centuries.

Later that night

in the dark of my dreams

I woke up to find

grief comforting me.

It's ok she said,

to remember what it was like,

When you still had them

by your side.

A week went by

and grief did not come.

Maybe she was busy

seeing another someone.

She popped into see me

quite a few days later

I told her I was in a hurry

I only had a moment.

That's all you need my dear

be on your way my friend.

We had our monthly

Chats over tea.

I would sob and sob

Over the memories.

Every time she would go to leave

I would ask her,

Please, will you walk with me?

The invite is very sweet, to be sure.

But I think that you'll find

Once I'm out of sight

The world around you

Is incredibly bright.

It was a long time

before I saw her again.

From across the street

she gave me a wave.

As we passed on our walks

Going different ways.

Now and again

I catch a glimpse of Grief.

I feel a small sense of relief

That I don't need her as much

And I'm ok that we're out of touch.

No longer close friend like we once were.

But I'll never forget her ,that is for sure.