rough
I am so engrossed in what's going on inside, past this thick, impenetrable barrier. The scene is beautiful. It's lush. Green. There's a river flowing through the middle and the water looks so crisp. So refreshing. Inviting. The floor is carpeted with thick, luscious grass and scattered around are these gorgeous trees - the kind you just want to sit against and feel supporting you.
And the people. They're all so beautiful. And happy. They're smiling. Looking at each other. Listening to each other's stories and smiling, and laughing, and kissing, and hugging, and dancing, and. And I'm not. I sink further. I put my hands against the glass and as they come into my visual field I remember I exist. That I am a conscious person just like them and I'm not just this terrible, empty-yet-full-of-pain feeling I slip into thinking I am. But I don't want to be a conscious person, I don't want to exist. I'm so lonely out here. And they're so happy in there. And that's where I wish I was. So I move my hands away. There's no use in trying to get their attention anyway. I've tried before. The glass blocks out sound and they can't see me like I can see them. They probably don't see me at all.
My inner voice speaks up.
"What's the point of this? Look around you."
I tear my eyes away from the view and slowly turn my head away. First, I see the extent of the dome. And past that, and surrounding it, for as far as there is, it's just barren. There's sand swirling, and the ground is cracked and dry and dead and there's nothing here. I know this. I've looked before and the sight hurt me. It's just me - alone. But I bear it this time. And I turn around completely so my back is to the dome and the people who are alive. And from the top of my plateau I see something new. There are other domes down below, intermittently dotting the flat landscape. I can't make out the contents of these domes but I guess they are filled with more people, like mine, who are blessed. Who are inside, where it's beautiful. But I see something else. There are others standing outside of these domes. Each dome has one shadowy figure standing, like I was, looking in. Completely motionless.
I turn back to face my own dome. The beautiful people are still there, but something captures my eye towards the boundary of the inside, to the right. There's a group of people, close to the glass. They're huddled around a man, sitting down with his back against the barrier. He looks disturbed. His eyes are wide and he doesn't have the same look of joy that the others had from earlier. He looks worried. He's talking. He waves his shaking hands as he speaks, pulls at his hair, puts his face in his hands and crumples. One of the group around him moves forward and crouches close to him. They take his hands in theirs, kiss them, and hold them tight. Then the others come closer and put their hands on him, to let them know they're there. After a while he raises his head and his face is sad. His eyes are empty and he's frowning. He looks at the one holding his hands, and they say something to him. A tear rolls down his cheek, and he forces a smile. And they all get up, and they walk away from the boundary.
"Do you see?"
The voice comes from behind me. I'm not startled. It's a calm, kind voice. I turn around and see who it is. It's a man, standing 20 paces away. His eyes are deep, and inviting, and blissful. He has a gentle smile. I nod.
He speaks again.
"We're all trapped."
I look past the man, and I see something new. In the distance, in the areas between the domes, there are people walking the desolate landscape. I see a woman walking by herself, hands in pockets, looking up. I see a group of 4 walking together. They stop and a member of their group splits off. They wave him goodbye. I see 2 people approach each other and begin to talk. I inspect the other domes more closely. Some of them don't have a spectator. Their person has left. I smile for the first time, and I walk away from my dome. I begin my descent down the hill and towards the others.