My Final Answer

Sometimes I ask myself the most horrific questions.

If I died right now, would I be proud of what I've left behind?

I'm not a genius, but I am well aware of my situation in life.

I'm 17.

I know enough to know that I know almost nothing compared to the mass sum of information within the world.

I know that I will never get to know any of that unless I learn how to control my body.

I must learn how to not cower away from the grotesque emotions such as fear, anger, and sadness.

I must stop myself from quivering in the corner in a mess of tears and strangled screams and I must make myself face those feelings.

I must face them head on in an epic final battle format, as if every part of my being is a universe that I am to protect and they are counting on me to defeat the impending doom that threatens their lives.

I know that right now, I am 17.

I know, that I can't do that yet.

If I died right now, the simple, trivial things I will be leaving behind, will be just that and gone within a couple of years.

Those who loved me will move on and evolve into creatures with ever fading memories of me until they too meet their fated deaths and their loved ones slowly but surely forget about them and so on until I am no one.

Sometimes I ask myself the most horrific questions.

I will never be able to answer them truthfully.