I should have told you how much I love you.

I should have held you when you asked me to.

Remember when we learned about the cancer?  I was determined, but you knew.  You knew it was the beginning of the end.  I just didn't listen to you.  I should have.

When we got married, I was so nervous.  I shook all the way down the aisle.  But when I finally got to you, you soothed me.  We've had years of you soothing me.  I will always remember that.

When we went on that vacation, just the three of us, it was one of the best times of my life.  You and our son on top of that mountain was the best memory I have.  My two men together and smiling.  We had the world then.

It was two months later when we found out about the tumor.  Another two months before the surgery.  Then the weeks of worry and hospital stays.  I knew you could come back from it.  At least, I believed it back then.

I am sorry for the many months after that.  WE were never really the same were we?  That tumor had become our life and then your death.  It had consumed every ounce of energy, worry, and effort we had. 

I am sorry I couldn't help you.  I just didn't have the strength.  I'm sorry you were alone at the end, especially because I was a coward.

But I loved you too much.  Sometimes, I didn't love you enough.  You will be forever my husband, my love, and my best friend.

Goodbye from Your Wife

Once upon a field of snow

I watched a tree with a crow

The cold breeze nipped at my nose

I felt frozen down to my toes

As my hair whipped around my head

I knew that I would not be fed

The snow had stolen my food

And nothing left would be good

Once upon a field of snow

I found the path I should go