I Was Not Built To Last
I'm not able to see the future,
And that terrifies me.
I cannot tell where I am going, where I will end, or even where I am now-
I just know it's not a good place.
I'm holding my breath.
Waiting for the future,
Surviving in the present,
And forgetting about the past.
I'm suffocating.
My world is black and blue,
Darker than a bruise and more deadly than a knife.
I'm not sure how much fight is left in me,
I just know it's not enough to last my whole life, if that's all my life is.
I'm losing my breath.
It whistles through my teeth
As the sacred molecules slip away.
My life force is ebbing-
I was not built to last.
I am a seasonal home, where seasons never repeat.
I am nonrenewable- I can never be salvaged.
I am lost- never to be found.
…and that terrifies me.
Last Night Stand
The club was loud. So loud, in fact, that her motherly ability to tune-out was overrun.
It was cloudy, it was dark, and it was LOUD. All these things gave her a splitting headache- one that made all her previous ones seem dull in comparison.
All she had wanted was to have a little fun. To have a one night stand with some young hunk, to maybe do something with him her husband wasn't willing to do anymore. Sex with him had become boring- the same tasteless shit every time. It sickened her.
The loud music, foggy room… it would've been great if this was the kind of stuff she enjoyed. But she didn't, and it was all starting to get tedious.
For what seemed like the millionth time that night, she questioned her decision on going to the club. Every time she came here, she regretted it. Well, until she met her boy toy for the night. But it looked like she wasn't going to find one tonight.
She gulped down the rest of her drink, slumped the empty glass back onto the counter, and turned way to walk straight into someone's chest.
Startled, she looked up to see a young face. It was unmarked, unlike her husbands. Much handsomer.
Looking at his face, everything else melted away. Her eyes honed in and the sounds settled down into background music.
"You're not leaving already, are you?" He said, chuckling and guiding her back to the bar. She could hear his voice crisp and clear, as if sound hadn't been pounding into her head before.
"Depends." She responded slyly. "Are you going to make me want to stay?"
He looked at her. Just her- nothing else. "What's your name, anyway?"
She hesitated, but something within her, some deep feeling, made her want to tell him. "Veronica."
"I'll call you V." He motioned for a bartender. "Two drinks."
She ran her hand up his leg and licked her lipstick stained lips. "And what would yours be?"
"David."
"Well, David. It looks like you're gonna score tonight."
The bartender set their drinks on the counter.
"Drink." David said, tilting his head back and taking it down in a single gulp.
She was drunk, and she felt great. Everything she worried about- bills, her kids, her marriage- forgotten. This was her high, and she loved it.
David pulled her through the crowd and out the grimy front doors of the club, into the dead parking lot. It was packed with cars, but everyone was inside the club, dancing or drinking.
She stumbled and fell against a white Ford, setting the car alarm off. The ear splitting sound reverberated through the parking lot. She squeezed her eyes shut and covered her ears.
Suddenly she was in the back seat of a truck, David on top of her. She struggled to take off her top in the cramped space, and ended up ripping it off over her head, none too gracefully.
She heard a belt buckle and looked down to see David taking off his jeans, his muscles rippling. Her vision blurred and the next thing she knew he was lying across her, legs open, and she could feel him entering her lower wet regions.
Already she was breathing heavily. "I've never… oh wow. You're so mmph… I've never felt so full."
Images of her husband flashed across her mind, but she quickly dispelled them. He was never this enjoyable or large. Not even in the beginning.
She was relishing his face in her neck and was getting high off his moans. She could feel his hands on her breasts, and while he was pressing hard, she loved him for it.
She started as hands flew around her neck, squeezing hard, but relaxed when she recalled her previous encounters. This had happened often before and was how the boys had gotten off. This was their thing.
She tried to ignore the pressure on her neck, and focus on the member inside her, but the hold was tighter than they had been before- she couldn't breathe well.
David was still moaning and breathing heavily, his hips bouncing roughly.
"David," she rasped, "ease up a bit."
If he heard her, he gave no sign. Instead he began sliding his tongue up her neck. She shivered with pleasure.
The grip tightened. Now she really couldn't breathe.
Her hands flew up around his wrists, pulling and tugging at them. "I can't… Davi-" she choked out.
He reached her ear, and began sucking on her earlobe. Normally she would have enjoyed it, but now her lungs were starting to ache.
She began struggling, clawing and prying at the vice-like grip on her throat. The edges of her vision were darkening, turning black. She began kicking, but in the cramped backseat, she couldn't get much force behind them.
Her nails dug into his wrists, but he gave no sign of noticing. She tore chunks from them, becoming desperate. She couldn't even call out anymore, her throat was so tight.
Slowly, her vision began ebbing away and her struggles became weak.
Her last conscious thought was him coming inside her and his fingers digging into her n
Wildfires and Stars
A person is just
An intricate concoction
Of flower petals and scars
Mixed with wildfires and stars
They have radiance in their eyes
With darkness in their minds
And ice in their hearts
They're endless space
And ocean trenches
The tallest mountains
And the lowest valleys
They're cool lemonade on a warm summers day
And hot cocoa in a cold winters morning
They're waterfalls and deserts
But sandstorms and hurricanes
Ivy on a brick wall
And fleshy ground-cover
They're nothing more
Than fruit in the jungle
And nothing less
Than cacti in the desert
A person is just
An intricate concoction
Of nature
