They ripped my face

Piece by piece

I fell in love with the end result

They separated me from love

They protected me from ever falling

And I became the ceiling.

Sheltered every one of them

Their attention still made me feel forgotten

Was and still am.

Sirens in the distance. I sit against my wall, in a room with a grand piano and portraits of an unknown man. A dark blue tone in this room. I glance at each portrait but stop. I feel latency. It makes me vomit on myself.

Vomit.

To clarify, I’m not well at all. The piano plays itself, whatever song is playing, I title it. Until I can find an influence for effect. I lay on my side and fall asleep.

My house burns,

I stood outside remembering my past,

Began with goosebumps from that month in that year in those days, I remember I was so happy.

Then soundless when I remind myself why I am, who I am.

Sometimes it stings and sometimes it really doesn’t. It really shouldn’t.

I’m happy but my house is burning?

Blow me away.

If I was told to be so cold, would I be old or slightly bitter?

I hate you. I always knew all this hate would just go towards myself, and it’s true. I’ve learned not to say it though. Taught to keep it in than to let it out, I personally love that more, unless I was taught to love too. The funny thing is we don’t speak. I can’t hate you. Not anymore, there was once a barrier between us. I don’t quite see it anymore. Maybe I could say hi or how’s the weather where you are? I’ve never been good in keeping a conversation going but I do try. Just hope you would too. I don’t hate you, I will not. Hate is really a strong word now that I sink in with it. And I don’t hate myself. I’m still here obviously, being me and you’re over there being you.

.... Hi

I might be the clues in your head, the crack on your nose and above your bed.

I’ve lead a war quite like none before and to me, I’ve found my very presence when life goes up side down.

To the traumatizing experience of every morning I meet with the man named Norm. A disguise so clever,

fortunate enough for myself to have conversations with another being, and to wonder the possibility of norm reaching me.

I continue the stoned idea, dragging it closely, sweating my tears, down right to me toes. Have I been fiction?

She could never find a way,

Changing is to start again,

Darkness reasoning with her light.

She imagines.

Schemes.

Patience considered all at once yet she makes pieces out of notes and memories he wrote, you wrote. Pieces on the ground and believe her when she says she no longer needs you.

You

From then on a year shall pass and scars visibly ahead, you may spot the shade she only carries, into a cafe. She sits down, and she stares at this wall you can’t glance at,

Since you are in fact looking in.

You station yourself and breathe, begin to figure out every first to last memories you have with her. She still connected to this wall and you still seal this focus on her.

You notice you’ve been staring for quite some time at someone you gave up on, funny how things work.

She still stares at this wall with no motion, no emotion, her book has gone dry, new faces emerge as the past ones recreate other scenes.

It seems you’re in awe, in fact you are, why?

What’s so interesting about looking at a girl who is not the same person as she use to be. Someone who gave her very most to you and you who gave her your very best goodbye to end everything. Someone who knows what you don’t. Someone with no interest in meeting, just relaxed in a cafe staring at this god damn wall, and you still stare, but not stationed, but not at the point where you first began to silently reflect with her, but in the middle of the street, laid out flat. You didn’t know you were moving forward huh? I myself wonder why you were moving forward. It wasn’t as if reality was going to stop, give you guys a minute, and give you a second to explain and live happily ever after. She finally disconnects and looks over and respects you enough to stare at you, while you’re flooded in blood.

You’ve been hit by a truck.

“Hope you grasp that you’re dead now”.

She mouths those words directly at you.

Directly at him

Now you know

(Darkness)

1...............

2...............

3...............

“Small caramel macchiato!” Barista yells.“

“A small caramel macchiato!” Barista yells again.

Random stranger taps her shoulder.

“Excuse me ma’am, isn’t that your drink he’s calling?”

She turns.

“Huh, yeah, that’s mine, sorry I was just daydreaming.” She follows up says.....

“_________________”

In instances, nervous movements motions more than ideas surely figured from public.

My head fixes itself down,

custom to the responsibility of sinking and sink the grass, trees, along air for the mental collapse,

days and nights.

It hardly ever works,

struggles routes,

discovers memories,

gleans moments,

shapes itself a posture,

and a posture which governs me.

Sorrow releases out of retention of sunshine influencing me, “Everything is going to be okay”, Smiley Face.

Mystery and terror.

Horrible release,

hands clench,

searing my inside,

and swearing,

sweating,

belong to wear this awful mask, comfort nobody by my unimpressive bearing.

Here in nothing.

Hearing nothing.

Forsaken the forest,

I wait. dont hurry her

Awaiting the stories I taste nothing just starving eyes

I seen a lot of faces nothing new

Indeed the ways to a better life starts with you

Till I see away with gardens

Rather high I rather go

Suppose something there for me to find

Naming the long run I choose sobering up the attitude

be safe now I don’t wanna begin here with

Arguments

who wins?

no one is right.

Take me in well but I want to leave

Left me here to live with them but I want to leave

Leaves fall endlessly. Not all that pretty.

Yes he yes

Hey to you and tune the rest in my head just to pretend I could play the sound.

Lie on the way to step a figure for the rotten eyes

You lie

I lie

The way i felt, a holiday in the making, celebrate, prone to disguise dishes I truly hate

And I don’t hide you.

I release so much and notice less.

Not me, you.

And could you please let the eagerness aside, and contemplation kick its gears, see no enthusiasm dripping

Get in traffic and mess around with it.

Sap as hell

But sadness slipped and died.

well,

Don’t duck the shot or shots,

In order to ever feel alive is near the heart.

Stab stab stab

Imagination comes a long way but never finds its way out and putting me in your little fantasy better solve everything. Title it to.

Don’t falter,

Don’t forget,

I fell backwards. Looked up, confused.

Horizons don’t message me.

If it did, the brink of expansion would let me want everything.

Excuse me?

What could that possibly mean?

Let no one explain.

*cough*

From that time I head outside by myself and explored the horizons, waiting to be explored, I knew something that no one else did. At the moment I agree with you. Cause mentally I believe I’m a bit impaired to figure things out on my own. As usual. But the case that was, and the case that is, which is now, is totally different. I seek much more control than power and trust than affection. Consistently begging for my wishes to come true, just to respect myself to get it done. And I’ve failed to do so. I’d failed. Yet I neglect my side of approval. In reality, I’m never truly relaxed about myself and the state of tension present at home. There’s no room for more scars and bruises and if there is, I would never let it happen. Freedom for ourselves is misunderstood and people keep misguiding us. Who do you listen to if no one listens? Just runs track with well put together words reeling in someone. Who do you trust? Would you trust me right now? When I said I know something that no one else knows? And If I said it today or then? The horizons had no affection but you do.

I do.

I trust.

I barely listen but I understand now.

I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed it then. Been really hypocritical about no one giving their absolute attention for once. And there I was.

There in horizon.

Knowing nothing.