Dreamer
dreamer expectations
never satisfied
human impossibility
strength exiled
subtle confidante
seeking golden time
to a degree hesitated
immortally unknown
frozen in darkness
becoming in between
passing lovers invisible
friends' indifference
a precious departure
what belongs
few with lofty talking
tricky almost beauty
taking dosages of motionless carcinogens
I must distinguish between ghost and soul
strained omissions rich with daily misunderstandings and translations of denials
strong desires
sometimes in limbo
open and intimate
closed by aversion
point woman away
from moonlight dreaming
steady hearts
vacant vanities
ideal impressions
surrounded by clouds
Whine
drunk tired of not being good enough
open up to the sky
look at me
uninspired
lost and dirty tongue
flying
in the middle of will and way
insignificant and soggy
heaven can you forgive me
every time I am not enough?
I can't even love you the way I should
i'm dizzy in my fear
drowning in liquor of I-don't-know
if I can't be enough
it's hard to try
but I hold on anyway
crying red wine tears and needing a life boat
echoes on repeat
the silence between us
echoes on repeat
sterile
unmoved
my ghost holds her breath
lungs fill with stale air
you continue on your way
both terrible people
standing three feet away
letting our light fade into the darkness
pushing back skeletons
finding another human rotting inside
faithful to such a vacuum
echoes on repeat
disgusted by the lack of your voice
two types of banged up people
echoes on repeat
skipping to a connected beat
suspended in salty water
coldness expanding in silence
now
it's time for bed
where you loan me your heat
echoes on repeat
jusr enough to keep me from freezing
Banished Blue
blue leaked from his eyes
I repeated everything
wonderful gray madness interrupted my tears
animating my lifeless body
I was rich by imprisonment
it seemed our souls were the same
I was a sealed worthy woman
most days
he married without fire
I wanted rough love worth obsession
his stars bled magic
gold circles which me sealed outside
Soulmates
he looked under my shadow
across that bus
rubbing my fingers one at a time
between his
we were drenched
stringy haired from the rain
staring into one another
the last two on Earth
I was a poem
he was my art
dangerously close to the edge of beating hearts
blue disappears without me
two souls tangled but not meant to be
Like Savior, Like Sinner
Erase that
Hold your tongue
Tie yourself in a knot
They will use it
against you
Beat you
Talk trash
Behind your back
You're anger
You consumer
He'll talk about you
Up there
No calls
No cares
No one really shares
Their life
Wednesday nights
Are over
Can I get back
To serving
Baking bread
Smiling
Doubts
Uninvited servant
Odd girl out
Not your puppy dog
Quit following
Stop wallowing
Break out
Your uninvited
In the best Company
Lonely
(This is not so much a poem as just how I feel lately. Why is it so hard to find friends when you're an adult? I'm starting to wonder if it's me.)
Billions of people in the world
And I can't get one to join me
I just don't know
What's wrong with me?
I'm tired of being lonely
I want someone to laugh with me
To walk with me
To enjoy life with me
What's so wrong with me?
I give myself away for free
Still nobody will have me
The pain of my worthlessness
My wantlessness is getting to me
What's so damn wrong with me?
That I can't have just one friend!