If I know you, if you've ever known me,

you will find a line for you here.

First to A. My oldest and... not dearest friend. You were a confidant and a fun conversation partner, and I thought "I could love this boy". Then you left, and I was the only one who tried keep us as friends, and after a while you were trying too. And then... I don't know what happened to you. We both changed, but you started to hate me, and I don't know why. You stole heart, my first kiss, and you told me they meant nothing. I don't even know if I love you anymore. I'm not sure I can love at all. I wish you were a better person, but though I am niave, I know enough to know that I cannot change you.

To M. You, beautiful, faithful, queen. You loved me, in every way possible. I set no boundries, and you got hurt. I'm so so sorry. I wish there were more words to say it, to explain it. I wish I had enough of a heart in myself to feel bad. But you know this already. What you don't know is the pain that is awaiting both of us. I have to stand up for what is right, even against you, and for that I am sorry. I'm sorry I let this fanasy go on for so long.

To C. I hope you are happy. I wish I was important enough to be a part of your life, but if I am honest, this is probably for the best. Our time, like this sentance, was short, but to me, it meant the world.

To T. I do not know what the next few days will bring, and it is very likely that you will hate me. I just hope you know that all I want is what is best for you. I love you like a sister, though I know I'm not nearly that important to you. Thats ok. Just remember all that I've been with you through, and all that you've put me through, and grant me this jab at your soul. Believe me when I say I wouldn't do it if it wasn't necessary for both of us.

To E. You have a beautiful soul trapped in a beautiful body that your beautiful mind cannot understand. I hope I can rekindle our friendship and undo briges I may have burned. I understand now that running from good people is not protectingt them, and that abandoning you is one of my deepest regrets. If you still need a friend, and will still have me, I would be honnered.

To K. I love you. You are my everything. They say blood is thicker than water, and maple syrup is thicker than blood. If there is something thicker than maple syrup, that is what we have. You are more than family, more than a cousin, you are my light. All I ask is that you remeber that I have always loved and defened you, always suffered through the way that you hurt me when you couldn't do any better.

And to myself: Fuck that Bitch

I wish I had more kisses and fewer cigarette burns

But hey, what can you do

I wish that the only time we agree isn’t when we talk about how awful I am,

But hey, what can you do

I wish that you at least saw me as a friend, since you clearly cannot love me.

But hey...

I’m a girl, so I cant wear a tie

but no one seems to care

if I wrap a rope around my neck,

and hang

I guess I'm good enough for hemp

but not for silk

typical.

I’m writing today

Because

My soul hurts

And I know

Because

I made plans and double booked myself. I had dinner twice because I didn’t want to say no

And now my stomach hurts.

I missed the most important thing with the most important person

Because I was afraid of hurting someone’s else’s feelings.

But I fucked up.

And no ones mad

I don’t think

But they should be

I am.

I don’t drink.

I never have.

It’s just not my style.

But I’m happier at a bar than at home

Because

I’m fucked up

And they’re fucked up.

And it’s no ones fault

But I’m to blame

Because

I’m just an emo little shit.

I shouldn’t be.

But I am.

I hope this is just a glitch

And not a slide back