she moves in like the tides,

as though the ocean copies

her little breaths as she sleeps,

snaking soft against me,

washing away my broken bits

like sand into the deep,

and I’ll build my world

upon

the fault line

of shore and sea,

where we first met,

along the line that curves

like her body,

where she washes me into her,

where I float without fear

of drowning.

because all my hope

ends in a dream

that blurs the lines between us,

and I wake,

to the sound of her sleeping lungs,

as one waking up to paradise,

one the ocean itself has copied.

and i think,

maybe waves can see the future.

and the high tides

are pretending to leave her lips,

and I hope to fuck

that I get lost at sea.

I had a dream.

You were in it, but not with me.

We started together- like we have,

and then you ran away.

Like you always do.

I found our favorite band, and

laughed with children, walking

around the mall.

I text, I call, I get no replies.

This is the life I must accept.

I snapped a picture with TJ,

and you wrote back, "You're one sick

bitch!" I knew you were high.

Walking curving stairs, I saw you,

my nightmare. With girls we do not know.

Your hair is short and green but your eyes...

are bored and red.

You're gone again.

You continue to eat with them

and I eat alone,

hardly able to swallow.

My heart feels like breaking.

I don't think I can handle it aching

anymore. Watching you walk away...

Now you're gone.

I resign myself to the fact that

I will never be enough. Not enough

to make you happy.

I have too many

rules.

I am not the adventure you seek.

I never was.

Now you really are gone.

You tell me what you did-

all your feeling gone from your words.

You're dead inside, and I can feel the emptiness.

You're high, but oh so low, I can't fix

you, never could.

So now you're gone, so I am too.

Because although I couldn't save you,

you took my heart without warning,

sacrificing me to the murky depths of

numbness.

You left me for dead. Now you're gone.

You'll come back with false smiles,

drawing me in with promises of

new beginnings. But I know

the truth.

You're gone. Always have been.

You lead me like a calf to slaughter,

thinking I'll be headed to greener pastures.

Fuck you.

#freeverse #nightmares

Introvert, yes.

But I hate being lonely.

I have long arms,

but they can't wrap my frame

tight enough to mimick another human.

I went to bed last night,

kissing my shoulder,

trying to imitate someone's touch.

It didn't do much.

Introvert, yes.

But I hate being lonely.

I like to imagine how it would feel--

The pain of the sharp edge

Digging into my flesh,

Opening me up to the world.

The feeling as the blade slid down

Away from my palm,

And towards my bent elbow.

How the thick red would tingle

As it slid down on either side--

Slow at first then like a river.

I imagine all of this

And then I imagine how I may look--

Pale, white edging on blue,

With red swallowing me on either side.

My eyes, which have been dull for so long,

Even more so as the life slipped from me

And onto the cold floor.

I picture gruesome things--

On occasion they are constant thoughts

And other times they simply enter for a moment.

Good or bad, 

These thoughts come and go,

In and out like the tides--

Sometimes I wish for them to stay;

And others I fight them off.

he flinches in the light,

head down,

checking himself for sins

he might have missed

when he tried

to scrub the darkness away,

but his soul is frail

like butterfly wings,

and he opened holes

beneath the mist

he wears as skin,

shaped like the bristles

of whiskey and cigarette burns,

harsh like good intention

possessed by weakness.

but there is no door

in the cocoon

shaped for re-entry,

no wisp of nature's breath

that forms a current

back to the beginning,

no passage beneath the clock,

but he rises, knowing,

broken wings

can still glide home.

Sorrow has a way of sinking in. No one said it would be this easy for a soul to crinkle like paper, and no amount of heat can remove the lines. My conscience has created calluses, pain fossilized by years of rebellion against myself. I've been caught in the grip of my spiderweb-intentions, and remorse has sucked me dry. So, I'm gonna paint the day real, real pretty and hope that it eclipses the past. At least I have the night to look forward to, because the darkness covers my steps, if only for a little while. And justice licks my heels like a starving dog, and I chew dread like cud when it does. But this is life. This is why I fear the walls that men can't climb. Because I know, one day, the earth will leave me too dizzy to run. I just hope the sky is clear when I look up from the fall.

I found your life tucked away

inside this small dusty box. ...

all alone I began sifting through

as it spoke so softly, I realized ....

you didn't learn to speak,

until after, breath escaped your lungs.

so now I listen to your ghost whisper

to me as I scan still memories,

left to throw away all the mundane. ...

don't worry dad,

I'm not afraid and I no longer cry tears,

that flow without permission ...

instead I hold on to reality that

I never knew, and hardly ever will ...

yet, life goes on

outside of your small dusty box,

where I continue scanning lost times.

so for now,

I put on a smile

and tell my little boy,

all your things left behind,

were all left

for him ... ....