“The time has come”

I was suddenly transported into the grey windowless room. My legs and arms were bound to a chair. It was almost straight out of the movies. Only it was so real. I panicked and struggled as a group of people wearing identical green suits in the room advanced towards me.

“No you can’t do this, I haven’t done anything!” I yelled, thrashing against my restraints.

“Put her under”

Pain. Blackness.

~~~

I gasped, waking up from my nightmare. My arms were sore from struggling and entangled in the bedsheets. I shakily got up and walked over to the kitchen to get a cup of water. As I clenched the glass in my hand, flashes of the nightmare came back to me in sharp bursts. Groaning, I walked over further to my window and placed my forehead on the cool glass. The glass soothed my aching head, and I sighed with relief.

“Estás bien Cassandra?”

I jumped, my heart beating fast again. But, when I turned around, it was only my aunt.

“Tía, you scared me” I replied reproachfully. I crossed the room, setting my glass on the counter, and hugged her. “You can’t sleep too?”

“No, I can’t” she replied, smirking. Then her smile faded. “Thinking about tomorrow?”

I nodded slowly, meeting her hazel eyes.

“No te preocupes, Cassandra. Everything will work out in the end. It will be for the best.” She smiled again. “Come, you better get some more sleep. They won’t want you falling asleep on the stand, like poor Miguel Vasendra, el tarugo” she said shrewdly. I chuckled as I remembered the annoying lawyer who nodded off before the judge could give her sentencing to his client. She was so furious that she rose from her desk and banged her gravel on his head to rouse him. The amusing memory chased the nightmare out of my head, and I allowed Tía to take my hand and lead me to my bedroom. She helped me back into my bed and tucked my sheets around me.

“Dulces sueños, Cassandra” she whispered, closing the door softly. I sighed and rested my head back into my lumpy pillow as I drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

~~~

When I woke up for the second time this morning, it didn’t feel like morning at all. I rolled and looked at my clock, which read 6:50. Panicking, I leapt out of bed and threw on my pantsuit and stockings. I skidded out to the kitchen where Tía was working on breakfast.

“Good morning Tía” I said, hastily kissing her. She smiled and poured out a simple scramble of huevos, queso, and arroz onto my plate. “Gracias,” I said, shoveling the food into my mouth.

“Cálmate Cassandra. You don’t need to be there until 8,” she chided, waving her finger at the clock.

“Yo se Tía, pero I want to get there early and get a good look at what we are dealing with” I replied, running over and placing my dishes in the sink. Tía groaned and rolled her eyes, but grasped my hand after I put my shoes on and grabbed my briefcase.

“What?” I asked as she squeezed my hand tightly.

“Just...be careful….. and decide what YOU think is best, not what everyone else thinks” she answered, taking my hand and placing it over my heart. I nodded and smiled.

“I will,” I said confidently. “I always do.” Giving her one last hug, I rushed out the door and down the steps into the watery Chicago sunlight.

~~~

It took me a surprisingly short time to reach the bus stop. On a normal day of traveling to work, the stop would be packed. However, no one was traveling to work at 7:00 in the morning on a Sunday. Once the bus arrived, I waved to the driver and hopped onboard. Staring at the brick houses rushing by, I soon became lost in thought. This seemed strange, being called to something so low as jury duty. Normally, I would love to be in the action of the case, instead of passively sitting on a bench with eleven other strangers, deciding the fate of the victim with barely any evidence. I would have thought given my career position that I would not have been selected to serve on the jury this dismal morning, but the message still arrived. I frowned as the bus bumped its way to my destination, lost in thought.

~~~

After a very short hour, I arrived at the courtroom. The halls were eerily silent as I walked inside, my footsteps echoing as I walked. At the end of the impressive hall were a security guard and a metal detector. The guard looked like he was falling asleep as he sluggishly motioned for me to hand him my briefcase. I grimaced in sympathy and walked through the metal detector, stopping to collect my briefcase.

“What do you expect us to do, attack you for not getting enough sleep?” I asked the guard jokingly.

“You never know with people” he responded sleepily but with a touch of humor in his eyes. I nodded and continued walking down the hall to the assembly room. There was quiet conversation as I entered, and I took a seat in the back of the room. Looking around, I spotted a man who was interviewing the possible candidates.

“Excuse me, sir,” I said walking towards him. “Is it…..that case...that we have been called for?” He seemed to be startled and looked up at me in further surprise.

“Ms. Lopida! I didn’t expect you to be here,” he said, shaking my hand in disbelief.

“Neither did I, honestly,” I admitted, turning to look at the people behind me. “When I heard the news, I thought…..about not coming at all…. But then I realized it wouldn’t be fair.” The man nodded.

“I know what you mean,” he said, shuddering. “But a famous lawyer such as yourself should have no worries with something as trivial as jury duty!” He added, smiling.

“Yeah,” I said slowly. “It will be a nice change of pace, I think.”

He nodded and ushered me forward.

“Come along, in! You just so happen to be the last of our fine serving jury members today.” I walked into the room, feeling a sense of foreboding beyond the doors.

~~~

Bang! The familiar but deadly sound of the gravel rang through the courtroom.

“Ms. Crowe,” started the judge. “You have been called here for your crimes in the state of Illinois, which include igniting multiple bombs along the DuSable bridge- killing 20 and seriously injuring 12, also attempting to kill Lori Lightfoot, mayor of the fine city of Chicago, and shooting 7 children at Lincoln Park High. How do you justify these horrendous crimes?” Alexandria Crowe stood up as if she was asked to sing an encore at an opera. I shuddered as her gaze swept to the members of the jury, locking eyes with me for a second.

“Not guilty,” she said, a smile on her face. The entire courtroom gasped with her bold declaration. The judge, the only one brave enough to hold her gaze nodded.

“Explain yourself.” Crowe smiled again.

“I was with my niece the entire day. I know how much she misses me when I am away with my work,” she said, with the air as if she was in on a joke the rest of the court was not.

“What kind of work?” asked the judge.

“I work for a private company that employs individuals with special skills,” answered Crowe.

“And you are the primary guardian of your niece?”

“Yes” answered Crowe.

“What sort of company employs you?” I asked, immediately regretting speaking out of turn. The judge frowned at me, but Crowe turned her attention to me and smiled.

“Ah yes, the famous lawyer. I’m afraid that I can’t disclose the name of the company or my employer. Additionally, you will find an abundance of evidence that I am innocent of all charges,” she said, smirking. I sat back down and took careful notes on the rest of the trial. It seemed to go slowly, as I sifted through all of the evidence she gave.

~~~

“Well, I suppose we’re all in agreement then that she’s guilty,” said the pompous-looking man who sat next to me during the trial. We were now in a separate room, deciding our ruling.

“I mean, she had to have done it, there’s no way she couldn’t have!” I frowned.

“I don’t think that she did it,” I said, glancing at him. “Mr…?”

“Role,” he supplied, glancing at me in annoyance. “Look, just because you’re some fancy-ass lawyer doesn’t mean that you can just come in here and…”

“Being part of the jury means that you have to reserve all past judgments that you had before stepping foot in this room and use your life experiences to come to a validated conclusion,” I interrupted, angry.

“What evidence is there that she wasn’t the one to commit the crime?” a woman asked.

“Oh come on,” I said. “First, her niece testified for her, second, the pictures on the crime scene are extremely blurry, and third, there was no way she could be in three places at once! I thought she was there, I read the news. But after hearing her case… there is no way that she is guilty of this crime,” I shouted, panting and glancing around me. I looked at 11 scared people and realized that I was alone in my belief. I sighed and my shoulders slumped in defeat.

“Let’s get this over with then,” I mumbled, turning back toward the door.

~~~

“Guilty.” whispered the woman.

“Guilty.” muttered the fighting young man. The word “Guilty” rang out eight more times before the pompous man sitting next to me said “Guilty” clearly. Then it was me. It was always down to me. I tried to say the words, but they wouldn’t come out. I shook my head, knowing my career was on the line with these dangerous two words

“Not guilty!”

“Here we go..” the pompous man muttered.

“There is no way she could have done it…. You all are so quick to judge!” I said, my voice raised. “Why?”

Crowe looked at me with a strange look on her face. Almost determination. Then, she stood up.

“Well this is touching,” she said sarcastically, laughing softly. “Well done Ms. Lopida,” she said raising her hands to slow clap for me. I frowned, confused by her reaction.

“Well done?” asked the judge, equally puzzled as the rest of us.

“Yes,” said Crowe. “She was the only one smart enough to see the truth. And she will be the only one returning with me!”

“What…” said the judge, but at that moment, Crowe twisted a ring on her finger and all the lights went out. Shrieking, I felt two hands grab my shoulders and pull me away from the stand. I struggled, but I couldn’t escape their vice-like grip. Suddenly, there was a patch of light and I saw a green suit cuff.

“You’re them,” I said astonished.

“That’s right darling,” said Crowe. “And I’m sorry about this.” With a quick movement, she placed a procured cloth over my mouth, and the darkness consumed me.

Gasping like you can't get enough air

Your cheeks aflame, you wish you were somewhere, not here

But you can't disappear

You never go anywhere

It's straight out of your worst nightmare

Though you try your best

Your heart feels like it might beat out of your chest

And you mumble a prayer as you stand up ungracefully from your chair

The whole class will be in for a treat

As you walk to the board

Your boodstained pants surely can't be ignored

Your teacher waits patiently, hand ready

You hand in the test and return to your seat

With your stomach churning unsteadily.

Dear Former Self,

It seems that you held high expectations for me, and have come to the realization that I am not the person you dreamed up so many years ago. I have evolved in ways you can't imagine, experienced pain beyond you, and lost so much in so little time. Despite all of these challenges, I finally have crested this steep mountain I have struggled to climb my whole life. Now, I am ready to start the life that I always wanted to live, not the life you carefully planned based on the judgments and assumptions of those around you. I am ready to behold in my glorious future and achievements I alone dare to pursue. You may be worried about my sanity, perhaps packing your bags to come and visit me. Please, I beg you, my dear, don't worry. My path ahead may be messy, but it will be mine alone, full of my dreams and my accomplishments. I ask that you please take the time to consider the possibilities that lay ahead of you. Untie yourself from your heavy shackles and go see the world! I am, and always will be, extremely sorry for all the time I wasted sitting at home and not being who I am, instead of who they want me to be.

Forever and always,

Just Me