I remember drowning. 

I was so close to the surface, yet too weak to reach it.

I remember choking.

My lungs expanding to take in air but nothing entering my body.

I remember crying.

My eyes swelled shut from the storm of tears you created.

I remember burning. 

Sitting at the bottom of the shower, hoping the blistering water would clean your touch from my body.

I remember talking.

The first time telling another person what you had done to me.

I remember wishing. 

Looking at the stars, wishing you had listened when I said no.

I remember hoping.

When a new man wanted to care for me.

I remember leaving.

I couldn't tell him why I pulled away when he touched me. 

I remember so much

But all I want is to forget. 

For 6 months I lived in agony over you. Those 6 months were separated into 6 stages.

The first stage being my denial.

The second being my acceptance, my acceptance that it was all real and that the past 2 years with you meant nothing.

The third stage was my attempt to move on. Moving on with a selfish boy who would never show me kindness or happiness like I deserved. But what did I care? I was a broken vase and he was the glue to hold me together. Of course, only temporarily.

My forth stage was the worst. "You don't need that" I said to myself daily as I watched others around me eating as any normal person would. The food was poison to me. To me, the food was why you left.

The fifth stage was a bitter blur of bitter drinks and horrible mistakes. Party to party I ran, searching for any distraction I could find. I never found one good enough. Go figure. The last, and final stage was my realization. I remember looking in the mirror and seeing marks all over my body from nights I didn't remember. My ribs so visible, it hurt to look at my reflection in the mirror. You see, I loved you. I had given my body, mind, and being to you. You looked at my gift and laughed in my face. Two years spent with you. Two years gone. Now I want you to know, that a year later, I've found the happiness within myself. I know I will never again, let a selfish boy ruin me the way you did.