Why can't you understand me? You know I don't want kids and stuff and yet you keep talking about it. I want to go out with you on dates and not staying at home, having sex, and then stare at my phone and give zero fucks about the other. That is not how it works, that is how friends work and we are so not friend you idiot.

It's been a fucking year and we still are full of arguements, zero happiness and a small chance of making it but for the love of angels LOOK! I don't believe that we are happy together. I made a lot of presents and you asked me a lot of times to give you money cause you were in need but starting to realise I was and still am a bank and you never appreciated my gifts unlike me.

Please pretty please try to understand me like I do for you! Try to see that it's both our faults and not ME! So toxic that it makes me rethink us!

But everything's wrong! We were wrong! I mean, look at us..we fight and fight and talk to others..'' she said with a sad voice cracking little by little.

Is this your way of telling me that you messed up? '' he continued with a mad face.

Me? I'm the one you blame? Honestly can you remember how we started a year ago? How you had time to come and visit me for a few minutes and suddenly there was no time for us? And don't get me started with the fact that you were always making me feel like I was the mistaken when obviously YOU were the one who was always kept pushing me away. ''she said now with a frustration and an anger that no one ever saw.

Ava was tired of the fighting and the yelling between them. Tom stayed for a while at peace, believing Ava would try again to think and realize she is wrong. But on a second thought he finally accepted that it was both.

Can you for a moment think how everything is between us? Like we are friends with benefits, friends who happen to have sex and flirt, or maybe just sex. We never talked, never cuddled, nearly never went out for a date the 2 of us. We never did something for us..You know we both are the problem. I don't know what made us keep something that was never meant. Tom...I own you an answer on how are we going to be from now on. ''she said with looking down the floor.

No Ava no. I know what you are going to say and honestly I don't wanna hear it. You can leave now. ''He said and he hugged her for a last time.

I wish you only the beautiful life you ever wanted and next time try to be more in your relationship and see what the other wants and not what you only want.

Yeah..you try to understand the other better.

Thank you for despite the bad, thank you for the amazing ones.Bye Tom

Yeah bye Ava.

The story you know

About a girl and a boy

A tree and a snake

A cheater and a death

Oh look at it babe

Similarities with this century

Giving the apple like a pro

What of an irony is all

Killing ourselves for a lover

Not respecting the feelings

But the snake in our brain

Screaming, bringing this mess

Are you even in love?

Cause once upon a time

The girl didn't love the boy

Oh look how it still works

Except that kind boy

Or was he not?

Was he ever cheated the girl

Back at the garden of Eden?

Or was he always a good man?

Oh honey one more similarity we got

Children of two toxic people

We became the very best version of them

Were it meant to be like that?

Are we ever gonna change the history?

Or are we in the garden of Eden?

Only if our timing was right

Then you could love me enough

Only if your words were by heart

I could trust you more

Only if I was brave enough

He would leave us be happy

Only if I had no issues

You could have more

Only if you had time

I could make it count

Only if we were truth

We wouldn't fight a lot

Only if our characters could fit

We would get to be real

Only if I had a brain

You wouldn't go on another rendezvous

Only if you were crazy for me

Oh wait that is only a wish

Only if I wasn't an overthinker

We could be better

Only if we weren't pretending

This whole thing could work.

Build another self

Made of broken pieces

Glass walls around me

You can never hurt me again

I'm a warrior

Words only make me stronger

Show me your pity

But save it for yourself

Mirrors the glass around me

Now I can see the other me

Depressed, crying non stop

How did I end up there?

A knife on the floor

Should I end me or face me?

Can't escape my fate

This cell of mine

See me smile like I'm ok

One look at my shade

She is dying slowly

Can you save it?

Why do I exist?

A burden for this prison I am

I don't like this anymore

Pretend something I'm not

Confused meanings of happy and sad

Why am I alive?

Why can't I die?

Desperate to break the wall

I don't like this anymore

Two sides of me out of control

Knife on the floor

And an armor on the wall

Two in the body of one

How of an irony is that?

Come out, come out

Time to face each other.

Last night I drunk for the last time

Tonight I am saying last goodbyes

Tomorrow I'm leaving

Please do not cry for me

Last night I partied with friends

Tonight I am going to sing for last time

Tomorrow I'll be on the screen

Please be happy for me

Last night I shared a romantic night

Tonight I'm having last date with boy x

Tomorrow I'll be crying

Please share my story

Last night I shared happy memories

Tonight I am writing letters

Tomorrow I'll be far away

Please remember me

Last night I got scared for first time

Tonight I am still scared

Tomorrow I'll be strong enough to fight

Please don't stop me now

For otherwise my sacrifice will be for nothing

I do it for the rights of the women across the world

So let me go and fight for the one's who died

The women who desperate needed to live and be heard

So now I'm leaving for another world war

If I'm not going to survive

And if you are all reading this

Know that I'm guarding you from up there

(a little inspiration of what is happening right now)

I can't imagine giving you a fake shit-ish story about my first love. Instead I'm gonna tell you the real one, the one that it wasn't the first but the last one. Weird isn't it? Being in a couple relationships and having the first love with your last relationship? Let's jut say that it doesn't matter if it's the first or the middle or the last. First love for me means, the guy or girl that made you feel the love, trust them so deeply, care about each other, smile when think of them and so many others things. So this is the one I'm gonna give you!

I met my boyfriend 7 and a half months ago. He has the most beautiful caramel brown eyes in the dark and even prettier when in the sun. A smile that lights my heart every time and he is such a sweetheart. He knows how to treat a girl better than I know how to treat myself maybe?.

The first time we started talking it was through instagram. Same city, thousands of residents, a lot people knowing each other, common cafeterias, common streets and we never saw each other. Or maybe we weren't interesting enough back then to actually "find" each other I guess, like we literally passing by the very same areas and never paid attention or didn't caught eye. How annoying! But in the end we did.

First week we were friends because I was trying to escape a toxic relationship and didn't want anything else after that. So he knew my situation and I knew his, he was interested about a girl and it was complicated cause the girl was somewhere else but he thought that maybe had a chance so the only thing I did was to give him advice without knowing that the girl was me. But to be honest I was hoping that it would be me cause somehow, something was clicking in my head.

On valentines day I went to my ex to talk to him and after that I asked from boy x (let's call him that) if it was possible to talk to him about something and even he was working, he came to see me and talk. I remember that it was a cold day and he came whit a beautiful cap and the helmet. He sat next to me and introduced his self to me. The only thing I was able to see was his eyes and I, I was there looking into his smile and lucky for me I was wearing a mask so he couldn't see that I was smiling like a stupid kid in love.

Boy x was the first to talk and he admitted that he was interested in me and I couldn't believe it. I was so happy that I kept asking if he was sure about it cause I am ugly and fat and he said that it was interested and didn't care about how I look. So I said that I liked him too from the way he was talking to me while I brought my hand in his forehead to put some of his hair into the cap and he smiled so beautifully that I couldn't resist.

After that his phone rang, it was from his work and before leaving he hugged me and gave me a kiss on my cheek. Then he left and I was still in shock because he hugged me which I didn't expect. All I could think was how I might liked him more than anything else, so I had to end with my ex the very same day but he was nowhere, like I couldn't find him on his phone or online.

Next day I finally did it and broke up with the toxic ex and boy x gave me a call and asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend and I said yes. Couple days after that we went out and I took picture of our hands, he made me say "I LOVE YOU" when noone ever tried that and everything was great until the ex found out and started threaten me and ruining things but boy x helped so much, like he lost a job because of me and that ex of mine and till now I am trying to do whatever I can to pay that back.

But the day I fell for the first time in love was that one day while all this drama was still on, he proposed to go out with friends in another place near in our town. I said yes and we did. At the whole road he was holding my hand and after at the cafe he did too. When we came back in our town we stayed a little more out, we went for a walk and then we sat a pretty place with an amazing view of our city and he kissed me. That night was the night I felt what love feels like. His eyes, his smile, his character, he is adorable.

He was and still is the first love of mine. I know that he is not the first relationship of mine but hi is the first love. As I said earlier, for me first love is when you get the vibe or the feeling from that person, that special something that screams love. So for me it has a whole different meaning that it has for all of you!

Dive to the unknown

Climb from one feeling to another

Somewhere in between

There you'll find it!

Be careful darling

This one is big and fragile

It can destroy you

But you can't break it.

This one combines all emotions

That way can become unstoppable

Stop it until it's to late!

But be careful darling

Once it's big and fragile

Can break your heart

It can push you away from me

Dearest caramel don't go!

Let the emotion exist

If you kill it, I'll die too

The unknown doesn't scare me

But it will harm you if you touch it

So get out of there

Let my emotion come out

I need you caramel in my life too.

I need you to be there to save me

But no dearest caramel,

You are too important for that.

Leave before everything comes out.

Let me be alone cause it's coming,

Dearest caramel,

Only thing I know

Is that this emotion will eat me

I don't know how or why or what

But I know it's strong enough to eat me

So dear caramel let me say

I LOVE YOU FOR ETERNITY

I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU

I'LL BE GUARDING YOU!

Bye little caramel!

For what it's worth, I finally learnt that I am not the person I thought I was!

I care too much that I can drive you insane, I overthink and over analyze before I speak or do, I have doubts about almost everything even when it has to do with a relationship I literally can f*ck things up.

But I never meant to do anything. And then I start to lose the bond and little by little I leave, thinking that the other would be better without me. Oh angels I wish I was different but I am not! All these emotions and things are a part of who I am and I can not change them. Cause I know that I will always be like that.

After all, we all are unique and perfect the way we are and any change we decide to do it will only be because we want to. So to the guy I love and I am dating 5 months now, if you can't handle me and my awfully beautiful emotions then leave.

How far we've come?

Once again I failed

Mind out of control

Trust me no more!

Sadness because I lost you

Tired because we repeated us

Happy because I was in love

With smile because of you

Within seconds distance came

Only good mornings and good nights

Breaking up when it's tough

Doesn't work like that

Cried because you left

Dying was my only choice

Chemical of emotions

Colorful as a rainbow

Why waste my time?

We were few minutes right

When everything felt wrong

But I'll never forget US!

We'll go through a lot emotions

Call them chemical reactions

Like we're in a limbo

Till we find ourselves again.