We have never actually met, yet you have had a profound impact on nearly every aspect of my life in ways that neither of us could have imagined when our vehicles collided on that cold, February afternoon. I don't know where you were going that day but I often think about it and wonder how you were affected. I don't know if you ever think about me or even care if I am OK, but I need you to know my story and how your actions have affected me so I can move on with my life and come to terms with my new limitations.

I am a music teacher which means that I am fortunate enough to earn a living sharing my lifelong passion with my favorite people on the planet! I was on my way to work that Wednesday afternoon and I was looking forward to arriving a few minutes early to prepare my lessons. I enjoyed the drive to work and looked forward to seeing the kids each day, but work was not always so pleasant for me. There was a time in my life when I was a software developer and I made great money, but I was always stressed out and overworked; always under pressure to do miracles in record time for people who never seemed to appreciate what I did. Fourteen long years of corporate slavery convinced me that no salary was worth spending five days in hell each week, but it took a corporate"restructuring" to give me the push that I needed to return to my true calling--music.

Although teaching piano only paid a fifth as much as programming computers, it allowed me to spend my days sharing music with kids, watching them discover joy in learning to play an instrument and helping them develop skills that ultimately make them better people. Kids are great fun to work with and most of them appreciate the time and energy I pour into being an awesome teacher. Parents are grateful when I help their little ones develop talents and abilities they never knew they had. Maybe I'm weird, but my favorite students have always been the "problems"--the ones who have been dismissed by other teachers; the ones with "bad attitudes" who think they hate piano; the ones who have never been good at anything and the ones who face special challenges! Other teacher's rejects often become my star students and there is nothing more thrilling to me than seeing these kids fall in love with the piano and begin to blossom when they finally excel in something that the "smart" kids often can't do. For me, teaching music is paradise!

I also used to love going to work because I got to drive my little car. I've always had a thing for little roadsters. I owned a beautiful little white MG convertible with a black top when I was in my twenties. I loved that car but I had to sell it when I started my family because baby seats and MG convertibles are not really compatible! After years of driving boring "mom-mobiles", I finally got another little sports car when my kids were grown. Max was a gorgeous little Mazda Miata MX-5 convertible and he reminded me of my little MG that I loved so much! I spent more on him than I should have, but he was in perfect condition and he fit as if he had been made just for me! He was white with a black top and made me feel like I was 23 again every time I sat in him and started the engine! Even after four years, I still felt a little thrill each day when I walked out to my driveway and saw him sitting there, just waiting for me to get in and go for a ride. I really loved that little car!

February 10th, 2016 was the last time I ever felt that thrill, the last time I would ever climb inside him to enjoy my daily commute. That day, I was heading East on Roswell Road. I was going the speed limit and had a green light. All was well until you decided to make a U-turn in front of me and didn't look to see what was coming. I saw you stopped at the light in the oncoming lane, then without warning, you darted directly into my path. I slammed on my brakes and cut the wheel to the right as hard as I possibly could, but it was impossible to avoid you and I slammed into you at 45mph. The sound was horrific! The air bag exploded in my face and I couldn't see where I was going. I felt a huge jolt when I went over the curb and then I felt the big drop! I thought, "This is it! I am going to die!" When Max came to a stop, I remember screaming, "My car! My poor little car!" When the airbag deflated and the smoke cleared, I saw I was sitting at the bottom of a tall embankment. I saw Max's crumpled front end and smelled a burning smell. I hurt like hell and I wasn't sure how badly I was injured, but I was afraid that Max was on fire and I had to get out! My knees were jammed into the area behind the steering wheel, but I managed to get the seat-belt undone then began struggling to open the door. Max's frame was twisted from the force of the impact, the door was stuck and I began to panic. I wondered if I survived the crash only to be burned alive? I pounded on the door as I struggled to open it but it would not budge and I was filled with terror. When I looked up, I saw a fireman bending over to look inside my window. I heard a reassuring voice saying, "Don't worry ma'am! We are going to get you out!" After what seemed to be hours, but was probably only a minute or two, the door opened and my new hero reached in to help me out of the wreckage. He explained that the burning smell was from the airbag deployment and assured me that I was not in imminent danger so I grabbed my purse and he lifted me out of my poor, crumpled little car. He did insist on moving away from the car "just in case" but I couldn't help but look back at Max's mangled body and feel that I had just lost a dear friend.

The pain I felt all over was beginning to demand all of my attention and I began sobbing uncontrollably from a mixture of physical pain and emotional grief. Another fireman had joined us and began trying to convince me to wait for a stretcher before climbing the embankment. What followed is blurry, but somehow, I ended up being carried to the top of the embankment between the two firemen who began taking my vital signs once we reached the top. The ambulance had arrived but all I wanted at that point was my husband! He was the only one who could make things better so I would not get in the ambulance until he got there, even though I was freezing cold and shaking like jelly. A policeman began asking questions, but I guess he could see the terrible distress I was in and began to comfort me instead. He was very kind and asked if I would at least sit in a police cruiser to warm up and rest until my husband arrived so I agreed. As he went over to speak to another officer, I looked around to see what happened to the person who turned in front of me. I was worried that you were injured since you never came over to check on me and I was hoping you were OK. I saw you standing near your vehicle talking to the police and you seemed calm and unruffled from a distance. I'm sure you were also upset, but at least you were able to keep your cool and I was glad that you didn't seem to be hurt.

Another officer came over and helped me to his car, but he seemed very cold and unsympathetic, unlike the first officer who had been so kind. A man and his two sons approached the officer saying they had seen the whole thing if they needed witnesses. The officer started yelling at him to get off the street and said they already had a witness. I wanted to get the man's name and number, but the cop would not stop yelling at him until he turned and walked away. When we got to his police car, the officer told me I could not have my purse so I let him take it and put it in his trunk. Next, he grabbed both of my hands and pulled them behind my back, then held them there with one hand as he patted me down all over with his other hand. It was only a pat down, but I felt as if I were being publicly groped and humiliated. He was hurting me and I cried out in pain, but he refused to let go of my hands saying it was necessary to search me before I could sit in his car. I guess middle-aged piano teachers must be way more gangsta now than they used to be! By this time, traffic was slowly being routed around the sea of flashing lights and emergency vehicles that had arrived at the scene. I remember feeling terribly embarrassed as onlookers and motorists gawked and stared at me like they were trying to figure out what notorious crime I had committed! The humiliation was making a traumatic situation even worse and I kept wondering if any of my students and their parents were in the long parade of cars that were slowly creeping by. What would they think if they saw me like that! Once I was seated in the back of the patrol car, all I could do is cry, hide my face in my hands and wonder how all of this could have happened so quickly.

After being made to feel like a criminal, I decided I was not going to subject myself to any further public humiliation so I refused the ambulance ride and waited for my husband to come rescue me from this terrible nightmare. When my husband finally arrived, he spoke briefly to the officers then loaded me into his car and headed for the nearest emergency room. The new Wellstar Urgent Care facility was across the street so we went there first, but they said I needed to go to the hospital right away so we left and went to Wellstar Kennestone Hospital. On the way, I began to notice some numbness and tingling in the fingers of both hands and it scared me more than the pain did! What if I had nerve damage and could no longer play music? Would I be able to teach if I could not play? Those thoughts were unbearable and made me cry even more. When we arrived at the ER, I was wheeled in, immediately put in a neckbrace, moved to a stretcher and taken to an exam room. The pain was getting worse and I could not stop the tears that were now mostly due to the pain. The ER doc ordered IV morphine to give me some relief before I was taken for imaging. X-rays and a CT Scan did not reveal any fractures so I was given another dose of IV morphine and released to go home on bed rest.

When I got home, I went straight to bed. My husband had to help me undress and put on a nightgown because I could not lift my arms and everything I did really hurt! I was pretty banged up and had a lot of bruising. My legs were turning various shades of purple and blue and there were bruises on my chest and shoulder where the seat-belt had been. My sunglasses had been broken off of my face by the force of the airbag and they left a scrape across the bridge of my nose. A real shiner was forming around my left eye and my back felt like it was being stabbed with burning knives. My hips and legs were painfully sore and I could not get comfortable in any position I tried. I looked and felt as if I had gone several rounds with Mike Tyson! Fortunately, the ER doc had prescribed some muscle relaxers and Percocets to get me through until I could see my doctor so my husband went to Walgreen’s to get them filled before the morphine wore off. All I could do was lay in bed and pray that I would wake up and realize that all of this was just a terrible nightmare, but sadly, that was not to be.

I spent the next five days on bed-rest, but it seemed like an eternity. I missed three days of work but it was not until I was up and moving around again that I began to realize just how different my life was going to be! So many things I normally took for granted were now impossible to do or too painful to attempt. Carrying laundry up and down the stairs was sheer agony and even folding a load of clothes would leave me hurting so badly I would have to climb into bed and rest because I couldn't handle the pain any other way. The worst thing was I could no longer lift or carry my little granddaughters. Before the accident, they saw their Nanny as a giant playmate. Whenever I went to visit them, I would toss them around like rag dolls and play "flying baby", "horsey ride" and other rough and tumble games. We would romp around the yard and climb in and out of boxes. We made "houses" out of chairs and blankets and they could not get enough. I loved playing like a kid and I honestly had as much fun as they did! All I could do after the wreck was sit on the couch and read stories to them. They did not understand why Nanny would not play with them anymore and it crushed me to see their disappointed little faces when I could not lift them up and swing them around like I used to do.

My students noticed a difference too. I am a classically trained pianist and my favorite performance repertoire is Chopin, yet I could not play a C Major scale, slowly, hands-separately without fumbling because my normally nimble fingers now felt thick and numb. I was struggling to demonstrate even simple pieces and could not properly do the phrasing, the dynamics nor the articulation I required of even my Book 1 students. I could give verbal critiques of my students'performances, but I could not demonstrate how to do things properly. My only real recourse was to spend lesson time working on theory because I could not play as well as most of my students anymore.

This would be a bad situation for any piano teacher, but it was even worse for me because I am not just a regular piano teacher, I am a Suzuki piano teacher. Suzuki is all about teaching students to play with beautiful tone and precise articulation. It requires the teacher to play for students to demonstrate skills then have the students mimic the teacher's tone & technique to get a feel for how to do it. If my students played as badly as I was playing, it would never be acceptable so I realized that if the numbness did not resolve itself quickly, I would have to start looking for another way to make a living! I am a musician at heart and began studying piano at the age of three. It is what I do, who I am! If this was taken away from me, I don't know if I could ever be happy again! The physical pain was bad, but the real possibility of not being able to play the piano was the hardest thing I had to cope with.

I have always been known for my patience and good humor as a teacher. Parents were always amazed by my ability to keep smiling and encouraging a child who keeps making the same mistake over and over again when most people would become irritated and annoyed. I also have a gift for being able to connect with a child at his or her level and talk about Ninja Turtles, Pokemon, Minecraft, or whatever the current kid culture is into. I study these things because it gives me credibility with a kid when I also tell him that Beethoven is cool. In my experience, children take you much more seriously when you treat them with respect and don't let the small things become issues. If a teacher accidentally "cuts the cheese", what 4th grade boy can possibly keep a straight face? I understood this, laughed at it too and made a friend for life! If something was funny, I laughed! Kids liked that about me! Also, it isn't fun to irritate a teacher who won't get annoyed with you! Constant, unrelenting pain made it very difficult to not get annoyed and kids can spot annoyance no matter how hard you try to disguise it. After the accident, I rarely laughed and when I did, it hurt so bad I had to stop. I went from being laid back and happy to anxious and tense. It got so bad that one little girl quit after her first lesson because I made her nervous! I couldn't believe how different I had become! I felt like I had gone from being a kid in an adult body to being a grumpy old woman.

My students always knew I loved them and accepted them for who they were and because of that, they grew to love me too! I got invited to birthday parties, school programs and sporting events and I always went if I could. When a child is willing to take you by the hand and proudly introduce you to their friends, that is an honor that is so special that few adult awards can rival it! These things are so important to kids that I made a real effort to acknowledge them and be there whenever I possibly could! I think that is why I had the best student retention rate of any teacher at the music school and I was also the most requested teacher on staff; however, I doubt if that is still the case after the accident. My students were able to count on me to be positive, encouraging and supportive, no matter what, but it became a challenge just to endure a full work day because I was in so much pain. I tried so hard to smile and sound happy, but kids know when you are faking it. The slightest twist could send a wall of intense pain through my back and I couldn't always stifle the yelp of distress that followed. Sometimes, tears would roll down my cheeks because I was in pain and it upset the kids because they thought I was sad or unhappy with them. More than once, a child would start saying "I'm sorry Mrs. Helen!" and I would realize I had tears on my face and the child thought it was because of something they did. I began to snap at my students for the first time in 17 years of teaching and I hated myself every time it happened. I actually made a few of them cry and it made me feel like a monster! How do you explain to a child that you are grumpy because you hurt so bad? The older kids can understand when you don't feel well, but a five year old thinks you are mad at her. I have some autistic students and one little boy who barely speaks at all started looking at me one day and saying "Hurt?" It broke my heart! Some days, the pain was too bad to get out of bed so I missed a lot of lessons. I missed more than I could make up so I started having to give credits. The school really hates it when teachers give credits so I started getting called in to talk to the manager. I also had a number of students quit or transfer to other teachers and my income dropped to about half of what it had been.

The effects on my work were devastating, but it didn't stop there. It also damaged my marriage. My husband is a wonderful, loving person and he really adores me, but the pain started taking a huge toll on our relationship. We went from being intimate almost every night to going for weeks at a time without sex. My husband thought I was no longer attracted to him which was not the case at all! I just could not be passionate in that degree of pain. Lovemaking became a painful duty I performed because I knew he needed it. He felt like he couldn't satisfy me, but I just hurt so bad that I wanted to get it over with so I didn't have to move anymore. He kept asking, "What did I do to lose your love?" and he could not be convinced that I was still very much in love with him. Even he did not realize the full degree to which I was suffering! We began to drift apart and it was killing me inside. Myron is my soul mate and I can't imagine being with anyone else. The thought of losing him is unimaginable, but that was starting to look like a real possibility. Things got to the point where he was getting very angry and I felt that he should understand, but he didn't. I started feeling angry towards him because I felt that he should know I'm in pain and be more supportiveand understanding. A vicious circle of anger and resentment was taking root and it nearly ended our marriage!

When I was home, all I wanted to do was sit in the one comfortable chair that I owned and play phone games. My favorite chair was old and ratty and had been relegated to the garage years ago, but it was the only one that was comfortable on my back so I spent most of my time in the garage. In summer, it was broiling hot and it was freezing in winter so I made do with fans and blankets. I did not want to move or interact with my family. I just wanted to sit in my chair in the garage and be left alone! Things were going from bad to worse and I was not convinced I wanted to live in that kind of pain for the rest of my life. An eternal dirt nap was starting to sound pretty good! The only reasons I did not take my own life were the fear of Hell and that I just could not hurt my family so badly.

Fortunately, my pain management doctor suggested a procedure that may give me four to eighteen months of relief and could be repeated when necessary. It required that two diagnostic procedures be done first. It was very expensive and I am not insured, but he was willing to put a lien on any future settlement I may receive from my accident claim. The tests involved injecting local anesthetic into the medial nerve branches to see which nerves were involved and how much, if any, relief it gave me for a few hours until the anesthetic wore off. The first test helped some, but only for the upper thoracic pain. The second test also included nerves lower on the spine and I experienced the first real relief I had since the wreck! This was a very good sign so they scheduled the procedure to be done as soon as they could. I felt real hope for the first time since February! The wait seemed like forever, but they were able to move up the date when someone else made a cancellation. The day finally arrived and I could hardly wait to get there and get it done! The tests had hurt like hell, but the actual procedure hurt even worse! I didn't care as long as it would help me get better! They gave me a sedative to make it easier on me, but I had to be awake to turn over and I had to be able to react (scream) when the needles were placed into the nerves so they would know they were in the right place. When the needles were in place, they ran RF frequency into the nerves to basically burn them to death. It was something akin to medieval torture and I had to have a number of nerves destroyed, but it was worth it! For the next ten days, the pain was very intense from the burning, but once the nerves were dead, I got a lot of relief! Iwasn't completely pain-free, but compared to what it was like before, I was in Heaven! I began to get my life back! I could play with my granddaughters a lot more--I still could not do as much as I could before the accident, but I could have some fun again! I could smile and laugh with my students and I no longer felt grumpy all the time. My schedule began to fill up again so now I have a new crop of beginners to teach. I don't miss nearly as much work due to pain as I did before the procedure so my manager seems much happier with me, thank goodness! I can carry laundry up and down stairs like a boss and I don't sit in the garage all day anymore. My marriage took more time to improve and we had to see a marriage counselor which

was expensive, but we are very much in love again and have resumed our nightly trysts.

I was hoping that the procedure would last for eighteen months, but it looks like my nerves are quite vigorous and regenerate quickly. Recently, the pain has started to return so I will need to have the procedure done again very soon. I don't think I can go back to living in agony again. Each time they repeat the procedure, it should last a little bit longer, but they told me I will probably need to have it done periodically for the rest of my life. That is why I am suing your insurance company for the full amount of coverage. I have already had more than $35,000 worth of treatment that has not been paid for yet. I don't believe in frivolous lawsuits, but it will take every penny and then some to pay for these procedures if I live out my normal life expectancy.

I do forgive you and I don't hold anything against you personally. I know you did not set out to intentionally cause me any harm, but you did, nonetheless. I don't want to punish you or make a profit at your insurance company's expense. What I want is for you to always be very careful when you drive. Always look before you turn across oncoming traffic. Please do everything you can to make sure no one else suffers this way because you were careless or distracted when driving. What I want is to have my life back the way it was before the accident, but that cannot be. My little car, Max, is a total loss--dead and gone! I finally found another little Miata that is similar and in good condition for the amount that your insurance company was willing to pay, but it took a very long time to find it! I spent over a thousand dollars out of my own pocket in the meantime on rental cars to go to doctor appointments and run errands, Uber rides to work and putting gas in friends' cars when they gave me rides. I lost students that I was very fond of and that still really hurts. I missed so many events and special occasions and was unable to participate in so many things because of the pain. I could not even attend the family gathering after my own son's funeral because I was in too much pain and had to go home and go to bed instead of spending time with family members who came from out of town to be with me when I needed them most. The numbness in my fingers has slowly resolved and I'm back at around 90 to 95%. I don't know if Iwill ever be able the play Chopin's "Minute Waltz" or Beethoven's "Pathetique" again the way I once did, but I can play well enough to teach all but very advanced students now. I feel like I have aged at least ten years since the accident. Before the wreck, I could easily pass for being much younger. People were always shocked when I told my age and I usually had to show my driver's license to prove it. Now, I have the lines and wrinkles you expect on a woman my age and no one seems surprised when I tell them how old I am. I will never be able to afford cosmetic surgery to undo the rapid aging so I guess I am stuck looking old. I still have occasional panic attacks while driving or even riding in a car if someone in the opposite lane looks like they may turn in front of me. I had a major panic attack one day when I passed the accident scene and saw emergency vehicles there because of another accident in that same place. I had to pull over and could not drive for about thirty minutes that time, but most of the time, I'm OK after five or ten minutes. I still have nightmares about the accident and wake up screaming, but at least it doesn't happen every night like it did for awhile. I don't know if I will ever be able to enjoy driving like I once did because I realize that no matter how careful I am, someone else can make a mistake and change my life forever!