Friday Feature: @Firdaus
It’s that wonderful day of the week again, for many, it's their favourite day of the week. It’s Friday. It marks the beginning of the weekend and hopefully lots of spare time to read and write. It also means that we get to delve into the world of another active Proser.
This week we shine the spotlight on someone much loved in the Prose community. A wonderful lady whose name is Firdaus Parvez who you will know by her Proser name of @Firdaus.
P: Lovely Firdaus, where do you live?
F: I live in a small city close to the capital, New Delhi, India. I live with my in-laws and my little beagle, Cooper. My husband works abroad, my daughter is in college and my son in his final year in a boarding school, just about to enter college. I usually shuttle around from hubby to kids. So I actually live in a suitcase (and my mobile).
P: What is your occupation?
F: 'When I grow up I want to be a writer' —that was my wish, and I'm still learning and growing. I got a little lost along the way but I'm on track now.
Oh yes! I'm also a homemaker.
P: What is your relationship with writing and how has it evolved?
F: Some of you must have read this before (Yes! And we love it – Prose) but I can't think of any other way to tell you about my journey, so here goes...
I was about six years old when I was packed off to a boarding school, Wynberg-Allen. Nestled in the foothills of the Himalayas, this Anglo-Indian Christian school is where my reading and writing journey began. Being a shy child, I had few friends and perhaps to get over my homesickness I buried myself in books. The school library was a wonderland. Though English was a new language for me,I just sat in the library with a book, looking at the pictures. Slowly I learned to read. I still remember the large book on 'Sindbad's Voyages'. Magical and amazing.
Eventually, I was devouring Nancy Drews and Enid Blytons. That's about the time I started writing too. I got really good at writing essays in class and I would write stuff, especially poems, in my rough book, but tear it up so no one would see. I still have a diary from my school days with some silly poems.
Sadly, my writing and reading journey came to an abrupt halt when I got married in my final year of Law school. I then had two children in quick succession. No time for anything other than diapers and baby formula. Luckily, the writing bug was still alive and kicking, so, when my children went off to their respective boarding schools, I started writing. I have a little collection of short stories, some unfinished, languishing on my computer.
Then one fine day about two years ago, I stumbled over an app called Ku. That's where I met the most wonderful writers who were very inspiring and encouraging. I'm so glad most of my very good friends from there are here. A shout out to my kumilia! You guys rock!
I then started writing on Grace Black's blog Three lines Thursday (TLT), she's not just an incredible writer but a very inspiring and encouraging person. From there I was introduced to other writing sites/ blogs, 101words.org, microbookends and Flashfriday. Sadly all three have shut down but I have found some others equally motivating and I'm having fun with flash. Poetry on the other hand is something I dapple with to let off steam. I'm definitely not a poet.
P: What value does reading add to both your personal and professional life?
F: I read a quote somewhere, and I don't know who said it, but it explains my reading addiction.
'I am a reader, not because I don't have a life, but because I choose to have many.'
I really believe this to be true and I know many of the readers will be nodding their heads. For me reading is like oxygen. I get restless if I don't have a book, so I carry books with me when I travel but now the kindle does the job, though I still prefer paper.
Since I was brought up on Brit literature I am more inclined to read poets and writers hailing from there. I love reading the classics. 'Jane Eyre' being my favourite.
As I'm also a compulsive book buyer and hoarder, my shelves are overflowing. I keep promising to buy only kindle versions but I end up with stacks of books when there are deals online.
I have a habit of reading several books at a time. I sometimes feel like a mixing bowl of stories. I think if it wasn't for reading I wouldn't be writing. Quite recently I've started reading American writers and I'm hooked.
I love Urdu poetry and my writings are to a certain extent inspired by it. Apart from that there are several Indian authors I like to read. So I read and write, then read some more, and write a little.
P: Can you describe your current literary ventures and what can we look forward to in future posts?
F: As of now I'm writing on different blogs/sites, hosting flash fiction competitions. My weekends are usually spent churning out stories. Other than that it's me on Prose. I'm looking to submit my stories to e-zines in the future. Nothing concrete yet. I cannot tell you what my future posts will be because I really don't know. They're mostly spur of the moment writes.
P: What do you love about TheProse.com?
F: Have you ever arrived late at a party? The room is dark but throbbing with life. Smokey air, pulsating music. You enter tentatively, groping around, not knowing what to expect, unsure, apprehensive, a little scared. Then you bump into someone who is equally unsure, then another, and another. Till you're finally clinking glasses and moving to the music. You're finally home amongst friends. No inhibitions, just you, uncensored, loved, inspired, encouraged and drunk on words.
That's Prose.
I tip my virtual hat to the team that tirelessly works to make this place a haven for writers. I am in awe of the different styles of writing I come across every day. What can I say about the community? You guys make my day. I adore you all. #ProseRocks
P: Is there one book that you would recommend everybody should read before they die?
F: Oh but there are so many! I can't pinpoint just one. Perhaps, 'A hundred years of solitude' by Gabriel García Márquez, and definitely 'Jane Eyre' by Charlotte Brontë and...and the list is inexhaustibly long.
P: Do you have an unsung hero who got you into reading and/or writing?
F: I was in middle school and was on my path of 'discovery'. I had just been introduced to the 'romance novels', these books had very 'inappropriate' covers. I still laugh when I think of this. It was study time just before dinner. We were supposed to be completing our homework. The teacher on duty making the rounds of the study room was Miss Sara Tomas, a young British lady. Miss Tomas was our English teacher.
Instead of studying I was reading this book hidden in my text book. Miss Tomas caught me and confiscated the book. As the cover was torn, I hid it. She demanded the cover and when she saw it, her face went red with anger. She muttered under her breath, “Oh! What literature!" I wanted to melt into the ground. I was supposed to be the good one. A week later she summoned me to the staff room. She handed me the book and made me promise that I wouldn't read this 'trash' again. (She was a missionary, no offence intended to anyone who writes or reads this stuff, trust me I still do) She stressed that if I wanted to write well I should start reading well. I guess that was the turning point in my reading history. Though I did not completely give up those books (come on I was just thirteen!) I did start picking up 'good' books (whatever that is) from time to time.
P: Describe yourself in three words!
F: Just three? Seriously! Haha! :D
“Logophile. Friend. Supermom.”
P: Is there one quote, from a writer or otherwise, that sums you up?
F: 'She couldn't finish, but she started a stampede.' – (Prose actually laughed like a drain at this!) Okay I made that up, but I want to be like that, a stampede starter, in a nonviolent way.
But seriously though, I come from a highly patriarchal family, so I guess this about sums me up:
'There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.
- Jane Austen, Pride and prejudice.
Yes, I'm a little rebel.
P: Favourite music to write and/or read to?
F: I usually prefer silence while reading or writing, but sometimes just instrumental music soothes me. Love Kenny G, incredible saxophonist. And Ustad Zakir Hussain on his tabla. Zabardast! (Incredible)
Usually just before writing I listen to ghazals. They are urdu poetry sung by some incredible ghazal singers. It's my form of meditation or inspiration, and I can vouch for urdu poetry that it will inebriate you. How I wish I could share it with you al but the magic is lost in translation. I think @manto can do it more justice than I.
P: You climb out of a time machine into a dystopian future with no books. What do you tell them?
F: This reminds me of the book by Ray Bradbury, 'Fahrenheit 451'. Kind of a similar situation.
Is there any chance of me going back in time, raiding a library and coming back? This is a nightmare!
P: Is there anything else you’d like us to know about your social media accounts?
F: Twitter handle is @firdausp, though I just use it to get notifications about different competitions I participate in. Other than that my facebook account is for family and friends. I'm on it by my own name, Firdaus Parvez. My wordpress page is fidausp1.wordpress.com and you'll notice my name there is positivethoughts1. No clue why I chose that name.
So please, if you don’t already, do please follow Firdaus and read her work and interact.
As always if you would like to nominate any active Prosers or would like to be involved yourself, get in touch on info@theprose.com
Manners Cost Everything: The Orgy
This is another excerpt from my book. Based entirely on real events that I was lucky to be part of, that I then intertwined with the fictional story of my murdering protagonist.
It’s February 2000, and it is damn cold. Bloody cold. We’re walking around Kensington Gardens, trying to find the address that we’d secured on the phone earlier. We applied, we sent our photos and then all is shrouded in secrecy until the day of the night of the orgy. You are then given the address and that’s what we’re trying to find now.
‘We’ consists of an existing couple that have been to the ‘Fervent Parties’ before, the male of whom knows my partner in crime for the night, Lucy. Lucy and I have fucked a few times but it never went anywhere and we’ve made our peace with that. Tonight we are pretending to be a couple to get in, as they have a policy of not allowing single men.
Lucy has been bi-curious for a while, and I want to play. Lucy is petite and very lovely (of course), and would make girlfriend material if that’s what I was into or what I was looking for right now. But I’m not. Only one girl has come close to that, and I screwed that one right up, somehow. One day I’ll hopefully find out what I did, as I really don’t remember. My bloody blackouts striking again. This time it hits harder, though.
I feel the gnawing in my belly start when thoughts turn to Elektra, and I do my best to quell it. No, no more going to the dark place. I remind myself of what is going to happen tonight. An actual orgy of beautiful people. If that can’t take my mind off of things, I don’t know what can. Christ knows I’ve been screwing my way through beautiful girl after beautiful girl to erase the pain of losing something before it started. I know it’s partly wanting what I can’t have, but it’s the fact that I had felt something. There was a shift happening, and I can’t help but feel it would have made me a better person. She would have made me a better person.
It wasn’t to be though, and no amount of letters, cards, emails, flowers and even CD singles had changed that. She would not talk to me. Not actually talk to explain what I had done to change everything so dramatically, so quickly. Just that I had shown a side of myself to her that she didn’t like. That’s all I could get. Naturally, by persistent endeavours to contact her and occasional drive by’s her flat at night had made me a stalker in her eyes. Really, all I needed was an answer to get some closure, but she would not budge.
She was a strong one and held her resolve. And that broke me.
There followed a binge of drinking, smoking and drug taking. I couldn’t concentrate properly at work and yes, I was sleeping with as many women as possible to make myself feel better. But it didn’t worked. Then maybe it did. I’m lots better now, but still have that pain occasionally return, that only the heartbroken can feel. But it’s less now.
I look at Lucy, with her arm linked through mine. Poor girl. She really got me at a bad time, and it’s testament to her that she’s stayed buddies with me. Fuck buddies occasionally, but mostly just buddies. We joke sometimes about whether it was her dealing with me when I was down that has garnered her burgeoning bi-curiosity; but after some rib tickling she always insists that it was always there, dormant inside her.
She just hadn’t been in a situation to explore it before this came up. This amazing thing.
And so here we were, masquerading as a couple, shivering in the cold with me in my Paul Smith corduroy suit and her in a very classy yet easily removed flimsy little black dress. I knew she would have the tiniest of g-strings on and no bra, for her breasts were perfectly perky and not too big so that gravity got a hold. I was looking forward to seeing them again. All of her, in fact, if it came to that.
‘Here it is’ Marcus said, the male of the couple, accompanied by Sian, his striking and stunningly androgynous girlfriend. They had been to two ‘Fervent Parties’ before and had told us what to expect. Sian had explored fully her curious side, and Marcus explained that he had watched at times, and had been allowed to join in a couple of times when Sian had hooked up with a single girl. I wanted some of that, please.
Couples and single girls only. Those were the rules. Respect of boundaries being another that they emphatically stressed. Good. Manners and sex with multiple partners sounded like a great way to spend a Saturday evening. Right up my alley.
We look up at the Brownstone four storey apartment block that is the allocated venue. Very swanky. We buzz the buzzer and wait for the door to be opened, all in quiet anticipation in our separate thoughts about what was to come.
I unlink my arm from Lucy’s, and put it around her shoulders and squeeze her towards me, she looks up with her smokily made-up eyes, then winks at me. Whatever was between us, friends or whatever, it didn’t matter. What we knew lay beyond this door created a constant undercurrent of sex. Yes, we were going to have some fun tonight.
The door is finally answered and we are ushered in, checked against photos and names and then ticked off. A hostess called Sasha then greets us, takes our coats and leads us away from Marcus and Sian and through to the kitchen of what proves to be a massive muti-million pound apartment. Sasha is drop dead gorgeous, olive skinned, possibly Arabian looking and also in a little black number. She has a serene smile and seems to exude sex from her every pore. There is definitely a vague Middle Eastern accent, but I still can’t quite place her. Whatever, does it matter, I ask myself.
And then we walk through to a very large inner hall that has entrances to various rooms, and people are everywhere.
‘Wow’ we both say as we survey the scene before us. Everywhere we look are beautiful people dressed elegantly and seductively, engaged in low level chatter. Some are in groups, some in couples and some girls stand alone looking nervous. Everyone seems to be drinking to calm nerves.
Soft music is being played that would be at home at Café Mambo in Ibiza, adding to it the air of being a normal party, one where nobody knew each other. Sasha is encouraging us to explore after grabbing some drinks, explaining that there are several ‘play areas’ consisting of beds, or seating; and then there is the main bedroom area, that has several beds pushed together.
As she takes us by the hands from room to room, she is smiling and chuckling at our faces as we take in the scenes in front of us. As we walk through, she explains that some people only come to watch, some join in and some watch their partners join in. There were no constraints outside of the strict house rules, and no judgement from anyone.
When she leads us finally to the main room, we see an expanse of crisp sheeted beds, already with some naked forms at play. At a glance among the normal one on one sex, there are two women in a 69 with couples stood around them watching, there is a threesome of two men and a woman in full swing, as well as a foursome of two men and two women. Soft lighting and cool music set a tone of normality to the unusual scene before us. Here and there are bowls of condoms and everywhere people are kissing or fondling whilst watching others. The air is charged with sexual chemistry, and Lucy and I keep exchanging glances and smiling.
Sasha has one final room to show us, a huge bathroom that she takes us into. She locks the door behind us and looks at us both in turn.
‘You guys are lovely, I can tell. Delicious too.’ She says looking Lucy up and down and then myself, ‘What are you looking to achieve tonight?’
‘I want to experiment with a girl. Maybe a boy and a girl at the same time’ she shoots a sly look at me when she says this. It is news to me. Very good news.
I look at Sasha, tall, leggy and olive skinned, long brown hair and deep brown eyes. Then I look at Lucy, petite, stunning, also long dark hair and amazing body, and I respond with ‘I want a threesome more than anything. A double blow job would blow my mind, and a triple would mean I could die happy’. I laugh and looked at them both expectantly.
‘Sorry guys, I’m off limits. I don’t play as I’m with Pete, one of the organisers’ she says, and my heart sinks. A sly smile comes on her face though as she walks up to Lucy, puts her hand round the back of her neck and pulls her face close to hers and breaths ‘..and I definitely don’t kiss anyone’ as she proceeds to kiss Lucy passionately.
I watch as Lucy’s initial surprise turns to lust and she responds ardently, and I grow harder all the time. I put my glass down on the marble surrounding the sink, and walk over to them. Sasha grabs a handful of my shirt and pulls me in to her, unlocking lips with Lucy and hungrily kissing mine. Her tongue probes me urgently as Lucy starts kissing my neck, as I have a hand on each girls’ fantastic and pert posteriors. My erection is bulging in my trousers and I ache for one of them to touch me.
We kiss, and kiss. I groan. Pure passion. Lucy moans. Sasha sighs, then pulls away, planting a massive and final sloppy kiss on Lucy’s plump lips, reaches down and briefly grabs the girth of my erect cock between thumb and forefinger, while she puts her other hand up Lucy’s dress to press her palm flat against her moistening flimsy underwear, and says;
‘Off limits, guys, sorry’ she explodes into deliciously dirty, throaty laughter, turns around with a flip of her flimsy dress and a flash of black underwear on tanned , toned thighs; then unlocks the door and leaves.
‘Oh my god’. I say, head pounding, dick throbbing, ‘what was that?’
‘Shit, Robbie’, Lucy breathes, grabbing her drink off the side and swigging hugely from it, then slamming it back down, ‘will you please lock that door right now and then come right over here.’
I lock it, turn around to see that Lucy had shrugged off the two items of clothing she had on, a dress and tiny red knickers, and she is stood beckoning me, pert tits, flat stomach and shaven pussy, framed in the tan lines she has from her September trip to Ibiza. She has kept her high heels on and has a hungry look in her eye.
‘Come get me, Robbie. Fuck me. Then we can go and fuck the rest.’
‘Fuck, yes’, I say, grinning, and drop to all fours, then crawl towards this little naked tanned beauty, stood with legs apart, toned and perfect in her high heels with a fire in her eyes. It’s a sight that makes me salivate, as well as making me very, very lustful indeed.
Prose Interviews Poet Raymond Antrobus
We are pleased as punch to bring you an exclusive interview with the talented Brit, Raymond Antrobus, who was kind enough to take time out from his busy schedule to tell us all about himself and what he’s involved with. If you had yet to come across him, Raymond Antrobus is a poet, performer and hearing aid user, born and bred in East London, Hackney.
His poems have been published in magazines and literary journals such as The Rialto, Magma Poetry, Oxford Diaspora's Programme, British Council Literature, Shooter Literary Journal, The Missing Slate, Morning Star, Media Diversified and University Of Arkansas Press.
Raymond has read and performed at festivals (Glastonbury, Latitude, Bestival etc) touniversities (Oxford, Goldsmiths, Warrick etc), and has also read internationally (South Africa, Kenya, North America, Sweden, Italy, Germany, Switzerland etc).
He is co-curator of popular London poetry events Chill Pill (Soho Theatre and The Albany) and Keats House Poets. His work has appeared on BBC Radio 4, The Big Issue, The Guardian and at TedxEastEnd. Sky Arts and Ideas Tap listed Raymond in the top 20 promising young artists in the UK.
P: You are proud to explain that you were born and bred in East London. Do you still live there?
R: Yes, I often have to make a point of being born and bred in East London (Hackney) because now It's so heavily gentrified. To extent I feel I have more of a right to be here because people like me are disappearing. Hackney is a place I grew up in and around a street culture that lured me into certain negative things. I survived that. To see it become a place that certain people now claim as their own, makes me feel anger. Having said that, while growing up Hackney was a place I wanted to escape so I am a hypocrite for wanting to claim it now everyone wants to be here. It's complicated.
...
To read the rest of this fantastic interview and for links to videos of his performances, please head over to blog.theprose.com and let us know your thoughts.
Random Randoms--revised
I trip over the faded undefined boundaries every day. A desperate Nadia balance beam dividing the Old and New taunts me. And my unstyle remains obscure (and usually offends others).
But Their Certainty resides in Bland blind living, and They are churned Sour by real Individuality.
And so, Narcissism sits soundly on my shoulder.
Last night I dreamt I entered a sci-fi Stimulation Bar. Patrons seeking escape had two options (each in exchange for a Fee and a hangover):
The first option invited the Guest to temporarily relinquish his subconsciousness to a wall screened in white. Upon the screen his image appeared, and his image partook in the Guest's deep-set, subconscious Mind's most Radical fantasies. Aroused into a hypertonic state, his bodyshell sat Frozen, watching the Sins of his Suconsciousness on the screen.
Alternatively, the more voyeuristic (and often less brave) Guest could choose to simply Witness the images of his fellow Guests' subconscious indulgences. With popcorn and cocktails served ringside, these particular Guests were entertained by the sacrificial subjectivity of the subconscious Deviances of others.
The hangovers (and Fee) varied. The willing Guests were left with temporary flashbacks of euphoria, which caused coping (and returning to) monotony challenging. The Voyeurs were posed with less physical risk; however, their resulting hangover of hovering Regret and Shame were infinite (and innately) painful.
Continue:
My cousin drove his mother home in an Amateur bodybag. One hundred years removed from The Homeland, and now she Rests in bubble wrap and cardboard. And you think This is poetry, but Reality ruins the Joke.
I recently caught a glimpse of My hand in good lighting. It reminded me of my Childhood. Virgin flesh, pink nail beds, and smooth fingers without any ring-lines triggered Melancholy.
My spirit feels like it is slouching; perhaps She is slowly decaying with an awareness of mortality.
But my finger taps to the distant tune. I want to keep up with the expected Pace, but I am often distracted. I lose count of the Beat set in double-time.
I cannot date a man who peels his banana carelessly. Or one who veers astray from the serrated edge of a paper towel. And no, these are NOT metaphors.
I walk into the moving Shadows to address my future, but endless Interruptions are insatiable. I sometimes daydream of waking up with Amnesia or a different face. Cast me away on a fishing boat to Sea, and I will be renewed.
I recently cut my hair short and tomorrow I might skip Lorealesce. A "sick day" seems imminent. I want to write beautiful words and release them on Bond paper to a blue stream during business hours.
And I have been told my mind skips around. And Maybe it is true, or maybe I am bored. And maybe I am constantly performing "gap analysis" on Society. Petrified by The Mediocre, I would rather keep moving.
And still, Narcissism sits soundly on my shoulder.
Of the Redeemed
Cloistered in the north,
Old Woman calls forth,
in chant, protection
and benediction
for the ones she loves,
releasing the doves,
that carry their names.
Cauldron licked by flames!
“Soil, grass and sun
join, become one,
add some water
and go further.
Open eyes to
See. Look into
Past, Future, Now,
Answers of ‘How?’”
Rumble tub!
“Destitute
prostitute
you will be
motherly
to a king.
All will see
Bravery
spilling
from his
veins and
justice
will then
reign. You
mother,
rejoice.”
“Raised
And
praised,
crowned
and
sound,”
“Foul’s
not
found.”
A Lullabye
Hush little baby
Don't say a word
Mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird
And if a mocking bird won't do
Mama's gonna teach you
A thing or two
Cause in this world
It's tit for tat
No more nic-nac-paddy-whack
Jack and Jill go up the hill
Where Jack falls down
Fucked up on pills
Jill helps pay for Jack's drug habit
By rentin out 'er pussy
To horny jackrabbits
Hey diddle diddle a cop and a fiddle
Jack gets high as the moon
Of course; Jill cries to get out of a pinch
In jail, Jacks a lil spoon
Now Jill's the old woman who lives in a shoe
Has so many children
She doesn't know what to do
Feeds 'em govt cheese and govt bread
Whips them all soundly
And puts 'em to bed
Then DCF comes
And takes 'em away
Bounces 'em round til they come of age
Then tosses 'em out, right on to the street
Delinquents and ruffians
Each one of em be
No parents or morals or nursery rhymes
No twinkle twinkle
No little star shine
Hey diddle diddle a cat and a fiddle
Lost eyes stare at the moon
Childhood lost no future ahead
Her little soul left for ruin
**for my niece and the half dozen half siblings she'll never know...
Inconsistencies
This is the place of the dead wrapped in granite.
I slumber on in silence alongside.
The sky is wreathed in clouded shade
Like the grim mask of death
Where I long to rest. I fell into
The tranquil step of time, the hateful casement.
The ice of the wind defeats me.
I am granite like the rest.
The fire in the belly is consuming,
My bones, whitewashed and silent, quiet.
Only my mouth betrays my scream.
Opportune dialect of death
In the sea of Babel.
They heard it, these icy denizens
That haunt the stones of pain and remorse.
Their mouths cry out too,
Drunken in longing.
I drink in the darkness hungrily.
Cold envelopes and embraces me. Demons kiss away my faults.
The wheel turns on, crushing bones beneath
Its heavy, stony lust.
This is hell among the living.
The wind stoppers and stutters
In its song of life-bringing death.
The seas rush in to break down granite
Towers of the daylight dead
And the sameness carries on as eons
Do, searing and rotting the flesh.
The anchor of another likeness
Is tossed into the wind-swept bay.
It electrifies me, this current of death.
A black clad angel floats by
In graceless waves of remorse and fatigue.
This is a city of broken angels.
Phantoms cloaked in sin and devastation.
The barrooms are full of broken hearts.
Here are the doctors to wake me,
To make me real once more.
Shocking me upon a system of heated inconsistencies.
I am reborn. Life among the deathless.