And Then, I Awoke
And then I felt my soul crumble,
The pain was worse than the shatter
of my heart,
But no one told me
that a war within yourself
breaks your bruises from within,
so I'm learning to stretch
before I look in the mirror
because it takes preparation
to avoid cutting the sinew
that holds me together.
it's in my nature to resist.
and my will breaks as an act
of defiance.
if I could turn inside out,
you'd see evidence of the thrashing,
the maze of corrections and edits
I've drawn upon my soul.
we both know, my final draft
will be framed with a casket
and a crowd.
and I'll be perfect on that day,
when the mirror doesn't
see me look back,
when my wounds are covered
with flowers
and all my scars fade to bone,
and eulogies become,
an introduction,
to what I tried to be.
A Time and Place
Voices are magical.
Inflection, like infection, coats your core to warp even the simplest word and make it powerful. Some people are so incredible at it; given a gift of speech, that acts as a leash, holding you close and safe.
Accents and drawls. Lifts, slurs, and the occasional mispronunciation can make your heart sigh. Happy just to listen.
Then, there are people like myself. No beautiful tenor or foreign tone. I don't speak loudly, and get lost in the crowd. And that's okay.
I have words of a different way.
Writing.
Don't call on me to be your public speaker, but I'll gladly write your acceptance speech. I'll be completely content in watching you read it aloud, from a distance. And I'll smile. Because for me, the important part is that those words I loved into existence and onto the page, got a chance to live through YOUR splendid delivery.
My writing voice is silent. But in its silence, hopefully, resides a feeling. Any feeling. Just so long as it makes you feel.
The Wound
The wound you have will never stop bleeding
The truth is, in your heart, you still haven't stopped screaming
When it was made, you took it, and that part of you was gone
But you smiled instead, said no worries, and moved on
You thought it was better that way
Forgive and forget, as they say
The thing is, you're weaker now than you've ever been
You don't know that you've been worn quite this thin
The situation is critical, the stakes are high
But you wouldn't know - you've turned a blind eye
You chose to walk around like this, refused to dress this injury
Anytime someone's asked, you've shunned their inquiry
You've went about, let it fester, and stay raw
Instead of acknowledging, you chose to withdraw
You're okay, you think, and believe this ultimate lie
Which is why you gush lifeblood and never even know why
Where I trod-
I saw God...
Clouds roil
Like restless souls
Cross quiet woods
And gentle wold
Whitecaps bejewel
A restless sea
Milky Way rises
In regal majesty
No greater beauty than
A snow crowned mountain peak
Might right here on earth
Be the heaven we seek?
A holy inheritance,
Promised the World's meek
Where we trod-
We saw God...