A tormented soul I am. That is me. I wish that things could be different but they aren’t. I was pushed and casted aside; wrote off as dead. But don’t you understand that I’m still here ? I’m here screaming in agony but no one notices. So I lay here in torment. It hurts more at night because no one is around to save me. No one sees the evil at night. They pretend they know what’s going on but sadly they do not. I just don’t understand how vile beings can exist. Why are the most grotesque things disguised as the most beautiful ? I can’t stand to be here any longer yet I can’t move. I’m stuck in a forever loop. The kind you get stuck in when you are living your last moments. I can’t believe it’s been months and no one has noticed how my stomach grows larger and how my boobs heavier . I can’t reject the nightmarish fiend who comes to me every night . He undresses me and slips inside me. His lips are volatile and his breath rancid. He was someone that was supposed to be trusted but no one can see him for what he truly is. They are all blind . No one can save me from my doctor. And no one can help me escape from my coma. They say it’s all up to me but truly it isn’t. They don’t know that the doctor is keeping me under with drugs just for his sick pleasure. Every day I hate myself because I can’t make him stop. And every night I want to quake and shiver but I can’t. I’m dead on the outside just as I am on the in. My soul is trapped and I remain forever tormented and in my own in inferno.

I mourn for myself. The life of an immortal is all but fleeting. I wish that I could become a mortal. For this eternity feels dreary. I cannot remember the last time I’ve ever felt a glimmer of hope or glee. These days I only feel an aching. Stabbing and twisting, like a knife in my heart, I feel this deep longing for something -anything more than what is. I wish I could become mortal. Many have tried but they all perished. The secret to living a fulfilling life is to have an end. At least that’s how the almighty made it seem. And now I can’t help but wonder if they had a point. I think I’m going to go for it and try to become human. But I don’t know how without dying a true death. You see those before me have tried but they either ended up as demons or dust to the wind. I don’t want to be either. So I will try to figure why these things happened to them and prevent that from happening to me. My life or rather unlife will begin shortly.

This is a letter. But this letter isn’t for anyone in particular . I’m writing this for people like me. You see I’m just a girl who feels stuck in a rut. I have many dreams and aspirations. I try hard and fail harder. It seems like every time my best, life kicks me down and says not today Jazzy. If I were writing to someone in particular it would be to the cosmos. So let’s start over.

Dear Cosmos,

Why must you kick me in my metaphorical nut sack? Can’t you see I’m trying my hardest to achieve my goals? It’s hard enough living in a country with a Cheeto for a president and in a neighborhood where cops are allowed to shoot first and ask questions later. Who are you trying to impress? Because I’m not very impressed. You kick me while I’m down and I’m trying to make a difference in this world yet you spit in my eye. When I try to talk my feelings out I get scoffed at or told black people do not do therapy so excuse me for bottling up all my sadness and rage and emotions. Can you tell me why my people are being thrown back into time ? Or why migrant children have to die? Why is it that my white counterpart can rape a girl and get off Scott free because he came from a good family and neighborhood but if my brother looked at someone funny he’d be shot to death? Can you tell me why you’re such an asshat? I just want to know when will FREEDOM actually be FREE ?! I have a bone to pick with you Cosmos! I just want to understand why people do the things they do. Can you give me a little clarity or will I slowly go insane?

I’m sorry all. I do not think the Cosmos are listening now. So our questions will remained unanswered. But I do want to know, will you idly standby while people are treated less than human beings? Or will you take a stand and fight for what is right. I know my ancestors would be proud of what I am doing today but will yours?

Always questioning,

Jazzy

Shadows here and whispers there.

People angry and always stare.

One day I wish to escape over the walls through the ivy.

One day I wish to see no one cryin’.

Over the mountains and through the woods

I see shadowed figures in hoods

Wow, what amazing blue waterfalls

watch out for the ledge, don’t walk just crawl.

Keep your head held high and don’t look down.

Heed my warning less you drown.

Ghouls and ghosts all I see.

Creepy dark things after me.

Wake now my sweet from thy slumber

Worry not for nightmares are not to remember .

Oh gosh it was but a dream.

Hush now dear nothing is as it seems.

It was like fate had twisted us into a whole new world. I could remember that last day many eons ago. I was the prince of thieves and Jasmine a true princess. I think of those crazy nights we had and remember what fun it used to be. Now I’m in an endless void of an eternity of indentured servitude. If it weren’t for that Damned Jafar and Iago I would’ve married the princess and became the Sultan. Yet here I am years later answering to foolish masters.. people used to worship genies. Now we are just second rate citizens. I hate that people made new technology. I mean what was so wrong with rubbing a damn lamp and getting three wishes? Now everyone can access a genie no problem because of these things called mobile phones. And what’s worst yet is that they got around the whole three wish thing because they created this new thing called the internet and it lets you download an app to skim more wishes off the top. My master currently is snooty rich kid who uses my wishes to torment poor children. And the only way for me to change masters is if their phone ends up being stolen or they say that they’ve been satisfied . I have been trying to get rid of this kid for the past three weeks!

“Brandon, my master, are you not pleased with the wishes I have granted you this far?” I’m trying to trick him into some sort of satisfactory affirmation.

“No! Now stop asking me that Aladdin. Or should I say Al-Dim! I’ll tell you when I will be satisfied and that won’t be until phones can talk for themselves”

Man is this kid stupid or what?! I am finally free of this idiot.

“So you’re saying once phones can talk I am free is that correct master ?”

Brandon looks at me haughtily and says

“ Yes and only then will I be satisfied”

I look at him and grin.

“Hey, Siri why is Brandon an idiot”

“I can’t answer that because my processor system can’t handle stupidity”

Brandon widens his eyes as he realizes he fucked up. I flick him off as I’m sucked into the computer codes and data of the world and float across the cosmos to my next master. Man I hope it’s someone clever this time.

As I stood before you naked and broken, I saw a reflection of myself that I did not recognize. I saw a girl that was shaken. I was unmistakably gone. And I as I looked to you I heard nothing. The world went quiet. Too quiet. I shake and shiver and clench my teeth. All I could remember is the world that had forgotten about me. For I am nothing but a broken dream; a gorgeous nightmare. No one will remember this stupid ugly girl. I am but a measly peasant. I have been forsaken by all. So now I must flee and run and jump. All is quiet. Too quiet. The world is gone.