To Dylan
I met you when I was 17 years old. I had no idea that you were Skyler's brother until after your mom made us take you to Taco Bell after a football game one night. I was mind blown, tbh. I became interested in you because you seemed interested in me, even though you was always prowling through shit in my closet and dresser. But that wasn't a big deal, really. Hell, your brother was a good friend of mine at the time. He came over almost every weekend after school and spent the night with me. So when I found out he had a brother, I didn't think much of it at first. But then you asked for my permission to stay the night with us. I figured you were just bored and didn't have much to do. I was kind of a nerd back then. Anyways, when you asked to stay the night with us, I said: "Why not?" because I didn't want you feeling left out. I'm not gonna lie. You did seem fun to be around. And that was true. To me, you were an exciting person to hangout with. But then something unexpected happened to us, and you know as well as I know what that something was. Dylan, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I should not have let that happen. It was a huge mistake, and I apologize for it. After that one thing happened, I became overly attached to you in all the wrong ways. Wouldn't you agree? Then I started wanting to spend all of my time and money on you. I gave you expensive things like a PS3 and a XBOX 360. And I have not a clue of how many times I gave you my cell phone when you didn't have one. I also took you to as many places as I possibly could. Now I did all of that stuff because I loved seeing you be happy, and I wanted more than anything else for you to like me. I tried my best to be your best friend. But because of the things we did, I wanted to be more than just your best friend. Catch my drift? That was ABSOLUTELY WRONG of me to think such a thing! Yes, I am owning up to every bit of responsibility for my actions. I made several poor choices, and honestly, I do regret them all. Which leads me to Jon. This takes a lot of guts to admit this but I was only trying to use Jon to make you jealous. And yes. Go ahead and say whatever you want about that, because I can handle it. All that stupid shit did was backfire in my face and ruin our friendship, if we even had one at all. What the fuck was I thinking? Oh, wait... I wasn't thinking at all! Now why am I bringing up this old stuff? It's because I feel so damn guilty about all of it, and I have for a long time. So before jumping to any conclusions, please hear me out. You don't have to forgive me or even write back. All that matters is that I confessed and apologized. Everything after that is up to you. Take care, Dylan.
Becoming emotionally numb is the result of suppressing negative feelings that cause pain. This state of mind is a type of defense mechanism that is commonly used to deny the overwhelming senses of reality. In doing so, the positive emotions that produce comfort are equally kept away. When people allow themselves to experience pain, they allow themselves to experience comfort. Likewise, when people keep themselves from experiencing pain, they also keep themselves from experiencing comfort. To feel numb is to feel nothing at all.
Red, White, and Blue
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