I know you tried.
Listen to your heart,
follow your soul.
You will find the the person
who will make you whole.
Listen to the murmurs,
follow the whispers.
And you will find the answers,
to all your questions.
If betrayed by your heart
and untamed are the whispers.
Clear your mind,
don’t be tempted by gestures.
Burned by desire,
you’ll find nothing.
When you turn around,
I’ll b there smiling.
Sorry for the mixed signals
that i couldn’t comprehend.
Sorry for the beating heart,
that I knew I’d broken
but couldn’t mend.
I loved your way too much.
To let you know I cried.
But now, when we are parting
at least, I KNOW YOU TRIED.
the tumultuous power of water
ocean. the water reaches just under my chin as I climb to the surface, only to be pulled back under. confession:
I am afraid of the water. I am afraid of the force that it carries, the weight that it holds, the children it has dragged
deep beneath itself. I am eight years old and drunk on sunlight and the beach is the closest thing to love
that I have ever experienced. brave moments bring me out into the current and humiliation drags me under again.
it's fear that guides me, always- fear that holds me fast and cradles me like so many waves. you are looking within all of this,
trying to find driftwood to hold onto within this lukewarm saltwater I bathe you in, and I give you this answer- it is the fear of drowning
that keeps me afloat. it is the fear of darkness that brings me light. it is the fear of death that gives me life.
Standing on a corner
Standing on a corner in Winslow Arizona I saw you standing there like a Greek God. The wind was blowing through your auburn hair, your ivory skin was sprinkled with golden flecks and your eyes were pale blue. I stood there staring at you from afar with my mouth wide open. I was mesmerized by your modelesque looks and for me it was love at first sight. As you stood there talking to the lucky ones around you I wanted to know your name and where you were from. I wanted to know every single thing about you. I was about to politely interrupt you and your tribe. But my juicy mouth wouldn’t open. Instead I was as frozen as a Dairy Queen twist. And my ruby red lips shivered. Everyone around me wore Bermuda shorts, tanks tops, and Bahama style shirts. Yet I could do nothing more than chatter my porcelain capped teeth together as I shivered in response to my nerves, making my body and mind, cold and numb. My slinky yellow sundress felt like ice against my damp skin. I tried to inch forward towards you but felt as if I was caught in quick sand. I took one step in your direction in my blue suede Manolo stilettos but tripped on a deep crack on the hot Arizona asphalt. You had your back turned away from me and thank God not one person saw my disastrous fall. I did it as classy as possible just in case someone did actually see me. My mom had always taught me to fall with dignity and to do it it proud. I managed to pull it off as elegantly as possible. But the blood oozing out of my left knee hurt with immense pain. And I felt faint and wobbled back towards my previous destination with a bruised ego and crimson cheeks. I wished you had actually seen me and then you might have come to my rescue like a knight in shining armour. But you didn’t. And for the rest of my entire life I’ve been left with an etched memory of your chiseled jaw line, poetic blue eyes and statuesque stance. Your face is forever a memory lapsed into a scar on my knee and a prisoner in my brain and my lonely heart. You will always be the one that was so close yet so far away. And I will never know your name.
Come with me
Don’t be afraid
You were made
For this day
The door is open
The space is wide
Walk on through
Come to my side
I will protect you
For the rest of your life
You are no stranger
To the the pain of anger
You walk with your head held high
You reach so high
You touch the Sky
The colors of your mind
Represented on your skin
You are on your way
You are on the mend
You will live life
Til the end.
Til the end
I feel the warm tide drown me in salt water infusion. Seaweed submerges me with its green mesh of squishy earthiness. I pull up from the blue cognac water like I am being spit out of the spout of a whale or like an emerald mermaid coming up for air to sunbathe. I want to feel the heat of the sun wash over me with its sparkling rays of enigmatic light, as my skin slowly turns from wet ashes to solid gold. I am coming to life as the oxygen fuels me, the suns feeds me and the water brings to me a new mind and a new soul. My spirit has been renewed. The ocean is my haven where I rest in solitude. The waves mock the rhythm of my heart as it beats faster than the beat before, pulsating through the blue network of veins that travel through out my water logged body. My fingers are now prune like, my eyes are encased in a heaviness of ebony, my hair once silver has now taken on a hue of ominous green. I am one with the sea. I crave its magnificent depths, endless vast vessels and its ability to take and to form life of its own. I search for pearls and endless treasures only to find that its magical endless beauty is all I need in order to sustain my simple yet extraordinary little life. I step out of the turquoise city and spread my body onto the diamond like sand as it scorches my cold lifeless feet. My body sinks into the castles around me and I am a princess of its land. I look out to see the silhouette of a ship in the distance sea , wishing I was living the life of a pirate. But for now I would listen to the tidal waves as I soaked in the warmth of a midsummers day, surrounded by the salt life and parrots in the bay.
Lie still my heart.
"Don't forget my play list." The last thing she said. The last thing I remembered her saying.
Nine months. 'Ten months actually' she reminded me. Often in the back of a taxi, on the narrowed steel fire escape, our 'roomy' twin bed. All of which she entered with quiet resevervations.
She carried our something. Our something better. Through the thankless administrative job on the umpteenth floor. Along the bittered and littered streets of the lower east side. Amidst the wretched blank faces scattered about the stale subway. She carried our something. She carried it until she couldn't anymore.
I see now. What it's like. I wish I didn't. But I do. There you are, unfettered, ubiquitous. Nurses quickly, quietly taking you about. Unsure of their exact intentions but I release upon their experience. You are so pretty. Just as you were on that summer afternoon in the park when the sun lit your face and breaze lifted your auburn hair as if it were curious to what lay beneath. It was in that moment you stole my heart and still keep it.
Now, with our something, watching, thinking. What do I do now? She is a mere fraction of us together but now our together is just me. Just me and our something. What do I do? How?
Just as that breeeze glanced upon your brow does the realization of your never ending beauty illustrate slightly through the blue eyes staring upon me.
New life for another. An even exchange? I wish I could determine but at this moment it is indetermined. My love for you has compounded inexplicably to our something. Our child. Your child. My child. I will love her just as I have loved you. Maybe greater. Maybe.
