In Sickness and Health.
Stuffy nose and sore throats.
Trying to cough, but started to choke.
Mucas, snot and pressure right behind my eyes.
Feeling like I am going to die.
Waking up able to breathe.
Eyes wide open like I can finally see.
Smelling, everything that has a scent.
Including my very own stench.
With all my sesnses finally crisp
Knowing one day I will die
Can again be ignorant bliss.
Changes.
This is story isn't for the faint of heart. It is what happened when I decided I deserved freedom. If you want to hear than I shall start from the beggining. He had done it right here so many times she could't count that high. Right under her favorite tree. This is where she got her first kiss. Her first kiss was Jonathan Nolan. He was going to be a rocket scientist one day and he had the braces for 7 years to prove it They were 9 years old. This was where she smoked her first joint when she was 12. She got it from a kid named Chris who was a sophomore, she didn't remember feeling anything, but she and her best friend sure acted like they did infront of Chris. When her mom died she was only 14. She passed of breast cancer and this is where she would come to be alone. And cry for what felt like days at a time. Right under this tree was where she lost her virginity. She was 17 and he was the love of her life.
They met when she got a job at music store. She couldn't play anything, but the owner was a good friend of her parents. Well, now he is just a good friend of her dads. So, let her work the register. He didn't sell much. He was far to kind and let everyone rent instruments, or put down a deposit and make payments. Payments he never saw. He could usually tell who wouldn't be paying, but he did it anyway. A grown man came in one day. He was physically everything a girl wanted. He was very fit, but a slim build. Hair was so lightly salted you could taste it. He looked all of 30. Too old for her, she thought. She shook his hand and introduced herself. She remembered feeling like she was shocked like when there is a buildup of static from the carpet and wearing socks, but he didn't react so she payed it no mind. How? How were his hands calloused and still soft at the touch. He wanted a Gibson, but settled for a Fender. If you would call it that. He walked out the door, and like that she developed a crush thinking he would never return.
He did return, however. With his bright green eyes, he practically barged in. Like he was conquering the doors. It had been days since she seen him, Was there something wrong with the guitar. She prepared herself to be reprimanded. He marched right up to her. looked her dead in the eyes, and with a slightly over zealous voice he demanded dinner. Yes, dinner. She was elated. Absolutely. Right now, even. The store didn't close for another hour, but she didn't care. They left, and that was the beggining.
He courted her like any gentleman would. In the beggining. He would bite his tongue and apologize, until he didn't. He would have one glass of whiskey, at a time. Until the bottle felt as empty as she did. Those apologies turned to fists. Until finally he got so mad he thought he had killed her. He threw her limp body in the basement and chained her up. She would either rot in those chains or wouldn't be able to leave him. She woke up. body stiff covered in blood. She didn't know where she was bleeding from, but that is when she knew she had to leave, but first she had to make him believe she wouldn't leave, and even more diffacult. She had to prove to him that she still loved him. Like the green leaves on her favorite tree promised they love the tree only to fall the first gust of wind that frees them. It took months to get her unchained, and even longer to finally go sit under her tree outside. With strict rules of course, right by his side. His calloused hands would grab hers, and she couldn't help but flinch. This angered him everytime. He would than place his hand over her mouth, and he would give her a reason to flinch. She stared at the leaves above her, as he body was violated. He could do whatever he wanted to her body, but her mind was hers and protected her. Made her numb when needed.
I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Kami Madison. I need to escape my boyfriend turned captor. It took me two years to realize he would never let me leave him alive. Took me another year to plan my escape. Yet, here I am. Sitting under the tree I have watched change colors as frequently as I have changed. I have grieved under this tree, been in love, lost my innocence, and been higher than I ever thought I could have, but for the first time I sit under this tree and I finally am as free as the leaves that catch fire in color and fall. People think of fall as the end. The end of summer, and the warmth. I see autumn as the beggining. The beggining of my plan to finally get away from the green eyed monster who raped my innocence, and my now feels foreign body. This is my story and I can finally tell it.
Did you just hear that?
Suzie wasn't always spolied. She did her chores and went to school everyday. She was even student of the month 3 months in a row. Than Suzie started to notice that daddy loved mommy more. He always kissed her first when he got home from work. He always bought her flowers. Why didn't her daddy buy her flowers. Suzie started to get furious. Everyday was a reminder that her daddy didn't love her the most.
She started throwing tantrums they didn't get her anywhere but sent to her room. Until one night. She had enough. She snuck to the kitchen where she saw mommy smoking at the table. She stayed hidden and grabbed a knife. She knew if she was caught up she would be more than sent to her room. She had decided. She walked up to mommy, looking really sad. Suzie said she was hungry and that she was so sorry and before her mother could pull the cigarette away from her lips Suzie pulled out the knife and cut off her mothers lips. She bent down to her mother who was screaming and rolling on the floor. She said "Now, I'll be the only one getting kisses from daddy." She plunged the knife into her chest, giggling. She had won daddy's love. All of it.
Her father came home and saw Suzie playing in her mother's blood, still giggling with delight. He ran up to them screaming, and Suzie looked up to daddy and puckered her lips. He knudged her out of the way and threw himself over his wife's still warm body. Suzie was enraged. With her mommy out of the way she thought daddy would be delighted to see her. Suzie stood up from the ground, and walked over to her parents. She pulled as hard as she could to get the knife out of her mothers chest. Once her daddy realized she had removed the knife he slapped it out of Suzies hands, this shocked little Suzie and than flung himself over his wife once more. When Suzie wasn't frozen from shock she picked up the knife and lunged it straight into her fathers back, right into his right lung. He rolled to his back gasping for air. Suzie went up to her father and whispered, "Now, I will always get what I want". She slit his throat and played in his squirting blood lke a sprinkler.
She played in their blood until the neighbors found them hours later. She just kept laughing, and giggling. Her giggles echoed through the house, and they say you can still hear them. It has been 27 years since little blonde haired, 8 year old Suzie murdered her parents. They say playing in her parents blood kept her from aging. They also say losing her mind that day is what has kept her a child forever. Wait, did you just hear.. giggling?
I lied.
I told you I would always love you.
I told you everything was fine.
I told you these things over coffee
when it wasn't even morning time.
I told you things were changing
and I couldnt be who I was.
I wasn't changing myself, but
what I needed was.
I said you could do better,
the house in disarray.
Face slowly swelling
from the previous day.
I said I wasn't enough for you
until you thought so, too.
I lied.
Society.
If you read the word society enough it begins to look unfamiliar. It begins to look foriegn.
But no. It can't be foriegn. Nothing is foriegn in this society.
Society. Society. Society.
Lets all blend in, because you are dramtic if you draw attention.
Don't fit in too much or you'll be considered boring.
Don't eat that burger cause you are fat and hate animals.
Don't eat that salad cause you will be stuck up and a twig.
Wear that, but not like that. Say that, but don't say it like that.
All of society is my adversary.
And I feel foreign.