Post-partum
I've wanted you for so long.
I loved you before you were in my arms.
I knew carrying you made me crazy
I felt like I was always angry.
I'd cry when I couldnt find a sock.
Your daddy would tell me to just stay calm.
I'd throw a fit and then laugh after.
Nothing I could control
It was the hormones.
Everyone told me this was normal.
But no one warned me about a few days after.
I held you in my arms
I looked into your eyes.
My child my love.
So why did I want to die?
Isn't this supposed to be the happiest time.
God won't you stop with the crying
I was not made for this
God can't you shut up for a minute.
You would be better off with out me
All I do is yell and scream
I love you but I hate you
What mother hates their child?
You'd be better off if I died
I take the razor to my wrist
Because I think you better off than this
My blood covered baby
I have loved you from the begining
No more pain for either of us.
This is my last action of pure love
Help
They say everything happens for a reason
Yet I'm sitting here wondering screaming
Every time I try to be better
I end up further on the floor
Wonder when the kick's will stop
Wondering if this is what life is about
bruises all over my body
Punch after punch
Kick after kick
Left without a mark
Because it's life's greatest trick
An emotion play
That tugs on the soul
Wondering maybe just maybe you should let go
But then you remember some people care
Not many but one or two would die without you there
So you hold your Shaky hand back
Razor blade still in tack
And you wonder why you suffer
Wonder why all you do is cry
Life fucking sucks we all know
But the greatest act is pretending your okay
It's the greatest fucking show
So you go about your day
you pretend you are okay
Because if you aren't fine
Then your only destiny is too die
Your date is not suicide
So you have to put on a smile
So where do we go from here
Where do we get help
Chug your last beer
And stand the fuck up
Because yeah no one else has your luck
Only because you are strong
You will somehow overcome it all
Even when your whole body wants to quit
You'll be the one who will stand up not sit
A crowd of a million and you still stand out
Even though every cell is filled with doubt
Tomorrow you will be motivated
And in a month this poem will be repeated
I always go to music festivals. This past one I was at had a giving tree, you give something you take something. Well I became friends with this guy who had taken a journal that was open for people to randomly write in it. It was honestly one of the most brilliant things I have seen at any type of social place. It was beautiful seeing all the different stories and poems, some of them very comical. Well I came home and some guy that ended up with the journal randomly found me and sent me a picture of a poem I had apparently written in when I was very very drunk so I thought I would share this comical poem even though most people wont really understand it unless you've been to a festival hah. Oh and i would just like to note that I dont do drugs I was writing off the people around me haha.
The forest is the place to be
All the crazy shit you will see
Meeting friends named Aron tripping balls
Oh he cant stop laughing at nothing at all
Marcus was the one who climbed the tree
He is the one who passed this to me
High people all around
I'm melting into the fucking ground
All the psychedelic lights
I cant even describe the sight
My name is Kaysee
My friend is Raylin
Dylan is passed out drunk again..
What the fuck is my life
So High on bassnector I could cry
One dollar cigarettes lets go
Making snow without snow
Lucy Molly Special K
I could do this all damn day
The lights and the music surrounded her
She felt her heart thrive
She saw the world in a new light
In the mist of getting lost she found herself
She lost her mind but she found her soul
A smile crept across her face
A smile that finally didn't feel fake
The lights and the music surrounded her
She jumped up and down in the crowd
She let all the bad emotions out
Tears falling down her face
Finally not caused by pain
Maybe it wasn't emptiness she was feeling all along
Maybe she wasn't so far gone
Maybe it was carving herself into who she was meant to be
And maybe it just hurt a lot more than you'd think
They call it chasing the dragon
But maybe she was chasing herself
Hide and seek with her soul
Winning was the only way she could grow
Her skin melted off and everything felt bare
Only clothed with her emotions
Walking towards the explosions
She thought she was lost but she was there all along
Hiding in a cave barricaded by a thick wall
A wall made out of materialistic things
A wall full of what the world wanted her to be
She hid in that cave so long
By the time she came out she was blinded by the sun
A crowd of people watched the demolition
Coworkers who shouted she could never finish
Family and friends who were confused
This new coming they didn't approve
Some people shouted to stay in the cave
Be like the world and just behave
Tearing down that wall
Was the hardest part of all
But now that she has found her worth
Maybe just maybe her heart wont hurt
the emptiness inside
she's wasting her time
how can you call it depression
when there are no feelings at all
how can you not want to live
but not care to die
she is stuck in the middle
of a constant battle that just makes her feel little
How do you find the words
When you cant even find the emotions
How do you describe the numbness that overtakes your soul
How do you describe being nothing at all
How do explain the utter unhappiness but not being depressed at all
You blast music because some how it stops the questionable tears
When you have no emotion how do tell someone how you feel?
How do pour your heart on paper
When it feels like your heart has retreated
What do you call an emotionless being
IS she heading toward a cliff
Or is this what it feels like after you've fallen
But does she really even care
She looks at pictures from the weekend
And it feels like a lifetime away
A different version of herself
How does she feel happiness again
Someone pull her out
Someone save her from herself
Someone make her care about this shitty poam
How does he know
He used to watch her in her sleep
She finally thought she was free
You deserve better they would say
But they never tell you how hard it is when you break away
A slut, a whore, a heartless bitch
She was garbage according to him
Until she tried to leave
And magically she was everything he needs
I love you, please don't go, the water works
He'd really put on a show
But with each passing day
His true colors would come to play
The jealousness, the greed, the guilt trips
She knew eventually it'd be his fists
So she broke his heart and said enough
She blocked his number and burned his stuff
But nothing she could do
Could stop a love "so true"
He called her a hundred times a day
He showed up at her work
He wasn't letting his love get away
He cried and blamed everyone else
Messaged her mom, begged for help
The months went by
And turned to years
And it's sad she is still full of fear
He still calls her to beg for another chance
He still calls her a whore when he think she has a new man
He knows her every move it seems
What she wears
who she sees
She gets a new car and he just happens to know
When she left his true self really showed
He's phyco
A lunatic
But he says he just wants to be her friend
She tells him never ever again
But He will never get the fucking hint
1. Steal parents credit card slowly take out money
2. Buy one way ticket to another country
3. Steal keys to the gun cabinet and make a copy
4. Count bullets
5. Buy more if needed
6. Buy a black hood, new jacket, chains and locks
7. Pay off drunk janitor for master key
8. Take guns to school at midnight using master key
9. Hide in gym vent with gasoline and matches
10. Slash securty guards tires morning of so he is late
11. Write note and hide in draw
12. Send anomynous texts to girls starting mass fights
13. Use master key to shut off power to stop automatic lockdown mode and cameras
14. Chain all exits from least noticeable to main exit
15. Grab guns
16. Start fire in gym
17. Watch everyone run for door and start lighting up
18. Explore each room for victims
19. Sit and watch the chaos
20. Take off cloak and throw guns in fire
21. Shoot self in arm throw last gun in fire
22 Crawl to closest classroom and wait for rescue
23. Convenience cops you saw shooters face and it was drunk janitor
24. Get arm wrapped use pain pills to drug mother
25. Take cash and plane ticket and leave country
25. Watch news and enjoy
26. Call boss and tell him its done
*if any number fails commit suicide*
A tale as old as time
A miraculous house as big as a castle.
Fathers telling their babies they will live happy ever after.
Save your father, meaning give him reputation and wealth!
Everyone knows what a beautiful daughter is worth.
It is not what's on the outside her father would tell.
But my God did this beast smell
The beast fit perfect as he had more hair than most
With a prutuding gut and would drool as he boast
He would always boast about his last chance
His last true love to make him a man
But to lay with this beast
Was truly sickening
She cried and begged and pleaded
But his servants all called her coincided
She must get with the times and do as she is told
Even marrying a man who's ever so old
A tale as old as time
Your virginity being yours is a lie
Just a thing her parents have sold
But she feels too young to be betrothed
Twelve is ever so young
She should be able to chose who she loves
She must where a yellow dress
And dance to impress
She must behave in every way
Or her family's reputation will pay
In a child's eyes a monster can be anything. A hanger in their closet or the creepy old neighbor across the street. Well what about an old man who looks like a beast?
A tale that was twisted and sugar coated, so young girls would not fight when they were sold. A story more about a girls survival. Beauty and the beast really holds up to it's title. Many look at it as bestiality but what about a man being with a child? Does that not technically make it a love story about a pedophile?