Sitting

in a chair

that looks as if it belongs in a fancy furniture store

Bright faces in the dark

i write what I see

which isn’t much, as the scene shop door is only cracked

Rays of cold light fall across the room

the real light stands before me

dressed in 16th century clothing

plastic dagger that, from afar, might look slightly metallic

He’s Perfect.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who sees it

In a brief 45 minute span

he’ll kiss two girls

both older

both prettier

both lovable.

At least it’s only a stage kiss.

Acting.

maybe I’m always doing it

acting like I’m fine

like I’m not the tiniest bit in love

like his opinion doesn’t matter that much

The more he scoffs and giggles

the more pain I feel.

it’s not his fault

i don’t think it’s necessarily mine either

just an unfortunate layout of events.

i don’t think you could begin to fathom

how much time i’ve spent thinking about you.

crying over you.

waiting for you.

and the simple words i said

the words, “I like you.”

simply just doesn’t give it justice.

it doesn’t portray an ounce of emotion i feel.

it’s been eleven months

forty-eight weeks

three hundred thirty-five days

eight thousand and forty hours

and so, so many minutes

that i’ve been thinking about You.

this is what i like.

it has to be.

i was born into my fate

a dice already rolled

heaven or hell

it's already been decided.

i've already been categorized, my eternal prison cell has been ready forever.

but

i don't want that fate

even if it's the one everyone else is choosing.

i want a chance.

so please,

give me one.

sand shifts

talons sink

a smell wafts

of course

it’s the coriander seeds

it’s a sign

a sign of death

a vision of blood

talons snapping bones

limp bodies

but worse

the nights

hoping

for a single glance

a sign of approval

a notion that I exsist

but it doesn’t come.

it never comes.

She says I'm worthless,

maybe-

i'm starting to believe it myself.

how come

when I take things

people get so mad at me,

but when they

yell

hurt

with the worst of intentions

i just shrug it off.

our society is freaking messed up

when you walk in

my heart seems to float away

when you smile

i want to kiss you

when you hug me

i know that I want to be with you forever.

i can't explain the happiness I feel when I see you.

you're just so amazing

and you don't know it, or think it

which just makes me so sad.

you are so beautiful

and talented

and funny

and just so, so perfect.

and I can't tell if i like you

or like-like you

yet.

football

cranberry sauce

that sketch uncle you've met twice before

leaves falling

sweet potatoes

excessively large turkey balloons

but it's so much more than that

all the sacrifices

all the miracles

all the hard work

from our ancestors

made this possible.

so, instead of just stuffing a turkey leg in your mouth

or chucking a football at your little brother's face

think about all the people who put you at that table.

your parents, your grandparents, and so many more people created this future for you

and even if it's just one day a year,

be greatful.

forgotton.

is how i feel

a lot.

and i know i'm not

but

it really

really

feels like it.