We both walk into the mountain entrance this time and no one stops me. Krag is standing in the circle we were in earlier. Come Jayna. I walk towards him. He grabs me by my arm. His grip is tight and beggining to hurt. Ouch I yell. He doesn’t let go. You're hurting me. He doesnt let go and he doesn’t say anything. He just stares at me and continues to hold my arm. Let go of me I yell. Nothing. I scream and kick at his shin. He blocks it. I claw at his hand with my other free hand. He slaps my hand away and throws me to the ground.

I get up and turn to run and he is in front of me before I even take the first step. Leave me alone! Get away from me! He pushes me. I stumble back and just stare at him. Stop ! I yell. He moves forward again and pushes me again. Stop! Leave me alone! Another push. I scream and charge towards him. I kick and claw at him. Why did you leave me! Who killed you?! I hate you! I hate you! Im going to kill them!Im going to kill them! They took my mom! They took my mom! Tears are running down my face and I still fight. I fight until I have no energy left. I fall to my knees and look up to a sky I cant see and say please come back.

My vision starts to clear from the cloudy haze of red in front of my eyes. I look around to see Krag sitting in the middle of the circle. His eyes are closed and his body is still. His arms has small scratches on them but he pays them no mind. His clothes are halfway off of him but he doesnt even try to fix them. He opens his eyes and stares straight at me and nods. Suddenly I feel soft hands on my shoulder. I turn to look into the face of Asha.

Her face is sympathetic now. Her eyes show emotion it didn’t before. I notice all the other girls are here now too. Did they see what I did? I hold my head down in shame. Asha, Moro, and Laya help me to sit around the circle. They all have a look on their faces I finally recognize. A look of loss and sorrow. Everyone sits and closes their eyes. Their bodies become still. No sounds are

heard except what nature makes. I look at Krag and he is staring right back at me. He nods and closes his eyes. I want this peace that they have found. I need it. So I too close my eyes and become as still as I can. Except my tears and sniffles make my body shake uncontrollably. After what seems like hours of sitting like this, my face is finally dry. My mind still rages with thoughts of my mom and who killed her but I don’t think those thoughts ever go away.

My knife makes a clean cut across the guard's throat and I feel a twinge of excitement as I shove my knife into the mouth of a guard directly across from him. . I pull out my silencer and continue to move down into the building without a sound. The hallway is quiet but I know there are two guards at each door on each floor. I make quick work of the last two floors and head towards my prize. There is a suite on the first floor reserved for only him and I am finally going to skin that bastard alive. My sources have confirmed that he was seen here less than two hours ago.

I enter into the room the suite is connected to. The smell hits me first. It always does. It smells like a dead body this time instead of urine like the last time. Ive been tracking him for five years now and every time I find one of his ..his.. I don’t even know what to call them. A few times I would find young girls who have urinated on themselves over and over sitting in a corner. Other rooms would have women who were completely naked but have slash marks all over their bodies. Some would be healed some were fresh wounds. My previous life as a marine prepares you for battle but what Ive seen in these place I find are beyond what I ever encountered in the military.

The women don’t even look at me as I enter the room, they never do. They move as if in a trance. I ve learned that these women are beyond my help and all I can give them is the blood of their captor. It’s added fuel onto the fire on top of keeping Jayna safe. I push open the adjoining master suite with my silencer ready but the full force of the dead smell hits me so hard I stumble back. I quickly gain my senses back and look around and see no one in the room, not a soul is there.. Alive. In the king size bed there is a women and a young girl who looks like Jayna and her mother. Their breasts have been cut off and their vaginas obstructed. In blood above the bed on the wall is written MINE.

I’m holding the gun so tight I know the print of the gun will stay in my hand for days. Im losing feeling in my hand from how hard my fists are closed. I turn around and walk out the building. The women fall in line behind me like they've done every other time. Why? I don’t know. We walk out the building. I pull out my phone and call Krag. He answers on the first ring. How many? Six I say. When? Tomorrow. I will find him Krag. No you won’t he says. It’s not for you to do. He hangs up like he does every other time I say that. Krag takes every girl ive found in these hell holes. I never ask what he does with them and he never tells me

I go to see Jayna every few weeks. She seems different everytime I see her. Almost as if she is growing stronger and bolder. We talk easier now about her life with the other girls but she never tells me what her training entails. As long as she is happy and safe I dont care. She use to ask me every time I saw her when I would take her away, but after that first year she stopped. She knows I love her and would do anything for her but she needs to be with Krag until I finish this.

I think about the letter that Maya left for Jayna and the letter she left for me. I never read Jayna’s letter nor mines. I can’t bring myself to read her words or imagine her voice as she writes the words. After five years I still can’t. Im curious but not enough to read it. I just need to focus on one thing and that is killing that bastard.Everytime I ask Krag what he means by its not for me to do. He doesn’t give me an answer. It doesn’t stop me from searching for Shaitan and I never will. It is my job, I have to protect Jayna. Only me.

Asha please! Come on we never get to go anywhere. That’s because you have to….yeah yeah yeah..Jayna has heard this speech a thousand times and doesn’t want to hear it again. Jayna don’t you think we want to go out too? Says Moro but we just cant. Not yet anyway says Laya conversationally. Laya warns Asha. What do you mean not yet asks Jayna. Nothing, we just got to be patient Jayna.

Yeah not my thing Asha. I will be twenty two in a few days I want to do something else then stay around here. Patience and me does not belong in the same room. We know! They all say together. They each start to laugh and the tension that was once in the room disappears as if it was never there. Moro snorkels like a pig and it makes everyone laugh harder. Fine Jayna says after calming down. But promise me you guys will at least think about it, just one night to go out into town.

Everyone shrugs and brushes me off like they usually do. We deserve this I push. Each of us deserve to be normal for just one night. A huge sigh escapes all four girls because the truth is they have no idea what normal is. Yeah..normal,, whispers Laya. Like meet a man, fall in love, get married, have kids, and live in a big house normal huh Jayna she says with a little bite to the end of my name.

I didn’t mean it like that Laya. You know that. Look Laya I’m sorry im just being pissy as usual im sorry. Laya quickly wipes away a tear from her face that she thinks no one notices but we always do. Laya’s older than us at twenty six. She’s seen a lot and done a lot but her demons haunt her more than most. Have you guys noticed that my boobs have shrunk? Says Moro Yep says Asha the left is bigger than the right. Laya snickers and im thankful for the distraction. Moro gives Asha the middle finger and rolls her eyes.

I decide to move onto another topic. So there is six girls this time I say more as a statement then a question. We continue to fix up the extra rooms for the girls who will be coming to stay with Krag. There is four to a room. It always surprises me how many caves exist up here. It must be like fifty people living here now I say to no one in particular. We make it work though. Everyone has a job or more like chore that keeps our little group running. It's more like a community of women really. Krag and Darwin being the only men.

How many more can we really take? says Moro. I don’t know we seem pretty full now but knowing Krag if more room is needed he will find it. No one is turned away says Laya. Where do we go from here ? says Moro to no one in particular. Moro being only a few years older than me at twenty shares the same wants I do. Are we going to live here forever? Will we ever get married or have kids? She sends Laya a “im sorry” look but continues. I just want to know what my future holds she finishes. A calm and steady voice answers before anyone else can answer. You all are here because of a threat you could not escape. Once that threat is no more, you are free to do as you want says Krag. Then he goes away as fast as he appeared. Leaving each of us thinking about our own situations and if we truly will ever be free.

We finish putting together the packages for the new girls and head out of the mountain. Asha leads and we follow. Asha’s pace speeds up and before you know it were jogging the same path she took me the first day I arrived. Except im beside Asha and not behind and I don’t fall or trip. My steps are steady and light. My breathing controlled. On days like this when our minds are clouded we dont stop at the top of the hill. We push ourselves and keep jogging. We don’t stop until we come to a place where there is plenty of space and grass.

Still there is no talking. We are all still in our heads. Moro stands in front of us and leads us into poses and stretches. None of us complain or cry out. Some of the poses use to cause me pain but not anymore. My eyes are closed and I inhale pushing my stomach out and exhale sucking my stomach in. My body feels loose and flexible. I don’t need to see the poses to know what we are doing. We all know them by heart. I sense Moro’s presence next to me and we all stand together and open our eyes exhaling as we do.

We then scatter like the wind on a spring night. Each of us going in a different direction.

I climb up the side of a bolder reach down on the side of it where it connects with another boulder and grab two short blades. I quickly jump down making no sound as my feet hit the ground and squeeze myself into the dark crevice of the shadowed side of a mountain. I have to suck in my stomach and breath small spurts of air in order to stay hidden in this small space, but I do. I close my eyes and listen for the others. I finally move from my spot knowing no one is around.

I move against the mountain slow and steady but still out of sight. I sense her before I see her. I turn swiftly with my blades up across my face making an X as Laya’s sword clangs against them. Im pushed back slightly by the force of her swing, but quickly recover. I push her back and launch my own attack. Sparks fly and metal clang. Our moves are swift and sure.

Silent and lethal. Sweat drips into my eyes but i make no move to wipe it away. The sting no longer bothers me. Laya does a split to avoid my blade from taking off her head and I block with my left blade to avoid a wound to my gut. We both nod ending this practice. Ive had plenty cuts from trainings and misplaced bones. Moro and Asha walk up next to us showing their own exertion and battle. We walk silently together back to our home.

As we enter I hear umpph from behind me. Then feel a gust of wind and know to block with my right arm and turn, effectively blocking a blow to the head from Krag. He nods and walks ahead of me. I look back to see Moro wearing a scowl on her face and wiping dirt from her pants. I shake my head because that was me for the first year I was here. He still catches me but not without a fight. We walk into the makeshift living room and settle into our spots. Krag is where he always is, in the middle of the circle. No one else ever joins us other than Laya, Asha, Moro, and me. I asked the girls why that is and they just shrug I don’t care as long as we stay this way.

I didn’t want to come here at first and couldn’t stand the harsh training. Now I couldn’t imagine not going through the trainings and being with the other girls. They ground me. I have peace here but I can’t stop thinking that that's all about to change. That the training is for a reason and that reason is long overdue, but what is the reason? Its been twenty years since my mom died. The man who killed her has never found me and is probably to busy running from my dad I mean Darwin to worry about me.

You

Your lost in a smoky room

You can’t see and no one can reach you

Voices are heard asking if you’re okay

You hear yourself say “I’m okay”

Asking if you want to go out

“Maybe next time” you say

The longing on your face because you want to scream Help!

But your trapped

You see yourself cry and you cry too

Because no one can help you

It’s a horrible dream you can’t wake up from

Then you see yourself talking to someone

You are crying but the smoke starts to clear

Weeks go by and a family member hugs you

You feel the warmth of the hug

And hug them tighter

Every day you take a pill to keep the fog away

A gentle smile grace your lips

Cause you have found your way through the fog

As I walk into the living room I hear whispers. I know its now Krag and Darwins voices. They both look at me when I enter the living room. Krag nods his head at Darwin and heads for the front door. Darwin walks up to me and guides me to walk behind Krag. Once outside I head for Darwins truck, but he stops me and points to where Krag is. Your riding with him says Darwin. I look at Darwin like hes lost his mind. The whiney of the horse brings me back to Krag. Ummm Darwin...I say as I back away slowly.

Darwin doesn’t even lose a step, he’s picked me up and placed me behind Krag. He gives me a kiss on my forehead and stays there for a second almost as if he is gaining strength to pull away and says I’ll see you soon. My mouth is open about to yell for Darwin to get me down but I have no choice but to hold on to Krag because the horse starts moving and whatever Krag is doing with his hands is making the horse start to move faster.

I look back at Darwin pleading with my eyes to get me off this horse, but his face just gets further and further away as the horse goes at a steady pace towards wherever were going. I turn around and just wait for whats next. Mama wanted this. I chant in my head over and over again. Its the only thing that keeps me from freaking out everytime I feel the wind hit my face or the horse speed up.

The horse finally stops and I open my eyes. I have to blink several times because all I see is spots from how hard I had my eyes shut. Mountains all I see is mountains. I feel something shift in my hands and all but forget im still gripping Krag. I drop my hands quickly and continue to look around. Krag gets off the horse and reaches up for me. I take his help because how else am I going to get down. That was my first time being on a horse. Hopefully my last.

He puts me down and takes the rope hanging from the horse’s head and starts walking a trail that leads between the mountains. He doesn’t even turn around to make sure i’m following him, but where else would I go? Not like I can go back, don’t know where we are. So I follow him. He leads me down a path between huge mountains. We walk and walk and it seems never ending until we finally come to a mountain that looks somewhat odd in its surroundings.

It has weird writing on the outside. We continue to walk as if there isn’t a big mountain standing in our way. Like were going to somehow go through it. I’m really starting to think maybe Krag is crazy because he drops the rope he was leading the horse with and starts hitting the mountain.

Like pounding on it like that supposed to make it move. I start to take a step back because he has obviously lost it, but then I feel a gust of wind hit me so hard it nearly knocks me down. Once I feel in control of my body again I look up to see the mountain now has an opening and Krag is walking through it with the horse. Mind blown..I stop staring and follow him just like before he doesn’t look back to see if im following him nor does he ask me to follow him. I just know I have to.

Once inside I feel my hair on the back of my neck rise. Like someone is watching me. I hear the loud thud of the door closing of the mountain. I turn around to see who closed it and see nothing, but I swore someone had to have been there. Freaked out I turn around and hurry to catch up to Krag. After calming down I notice that inside the mountain almost looks like a two story home.

There is a big area where there are what seems to be makeshift bean bags put in an circle. In the middle of the circle is another seat that resembles a bean bag but made out of fur. To the right of this area theres a little path that seems to lead to kitchen from what I can tell. Or would be a kitchen in a real house.

There is metal cups and spoons and forks on a piece of wood thats attached to wooden legs to make a table. Theres no chairs though. Weird. I see what I assume is bowls, pots, and pans. Though they don’t quite look like ones you get from a store. There is a round pot with water in it and dishes , so I guess thats how they wash their plates and stuff. I wonder where they get the water? While making my own assumptions I realize Ive stopped moving and lost Krag.

I search frantically around me and look left and right, but I see no one. I suddenly feel alone and it seems a lot darker then it did when we came in. Then I see a shadow moving above me on the other level of this mountain. I look closer and realize its Krag walking around up there. How could he just leave me? Jeez Where did my mom meet this man?

I look around to find a way up and after no help from Dr. Weirdo I find a way to climb up to the next level. Grumbling and saying bad words in my head the entire time I finally make it to the top. I must have been so wrapped up in cursing him out in my head that I didn’t realize he was right in front of me. He almost made me fall backwards to the first floor. I hold my breath cause he’s staring at me and not saying anything. Just observing it seems.

Then he turns around and starts walking and turns into a side tunnel. I quickly follow after him and see that the tunnel is actually a room. There is a pile of what looks like big animal fur on the ground to make a bed. A little shelf with books on it. Its roomy enough for us both to fit in the room. He sits on the ground and points his hand to the bed. I stare at his hand for a minute thinking maybe I should be yelling stranger danger and getting out this mountain. Then reality hits me, who would come for me im alone now. Yea so if he wants me to sit on the bed then I will sit. I sit down with a loud sigh. Its quiet for so long that I almost forgot Krag is there until he starts to speak.

I see her in you. He says Thats good. He shakes his head yes as if confirming what he just said. Strong he adds. We start training today. He hands me a bowl of something hot and steamy. Eat and drink then rest he says. I will be back to get you when I am ready. Before I could ask him what it is we were training to do, he gets up and disappears around the corner. I don’t even bother trying to catch up with him. I’m tired and hungry, so I lay my bag down and start eating. When I’m finished I lay on my back and drift off thinking about what training im supposed to be doing.

Get up Jayna. I open my eyes to see Krag standing at the entrance of my makeshift room. He turns and walks away. I get up and follow him. We walks down to the space where I assume is being used as a living room. This time it isn’t empty. There are women and girls sitting around in a circle. They all look at me as we walk towards them. No one says anything just stares at me with an emotionless face. Krag points to a spot near a girl who has a scar across her face.

She looks at me and nods. I turn away quickly because Im staring at the scar and I don’t want to be rude. Krag sits in the middle of the circle. All eyes immediately turn to him and Im glad the attention is off of me. Except not for long because as Krag starts talking all eyes go back to me. Im so entranced with what Krag is saying that I don’t even care this time.

Jayna is Maya’s daughter. She is hear for our protection and teachings. She is one of us now. His tone left no room for negotiation or argument. None of the girls said anything just nodded their heads and turned their focus towards Krag. Laya you will train her on knives. A women with rich dark skin and short black hair nods at me. I guess thats Laya.

Moro she needs to be agile. A girl who looks to be in her teens sitting directly across from me nods. Asha she needs to be stronger. The girl with the scar across her face turns to me and nods. I will teach her to fight with her hands and mind Krag says. The group of women nod.

Asha says Krag. Everyone else seems to obey some silent request and leave the room. Asha will meet you every morning at the entrance to the cave. When she is done with you, you will go to Moro than Laya, lastly meet me here afterwards. Krag looks at me as if he is waiting for me to answer.

I finally find my voice and ask Why do I have to do this? Krag nods his head towards Asha and gets up without looking back and leaves the room. Asha why am I here? Because your mother wanted you here. I don’t argue or ask anymore questions because I never questioned my mother. Never. If this is what she wanted then, I will do whatever they want me to.

Asha gets up and starts walking towards the entrance of the mountain. I guess no one talks much here so I guess I should follow her. She stops by the kitchen and gives me what looks like a jug that has something in it. It has a strap around it. She puts it around my neck. The door is already opened in front of the mountain and we walk out. I know now that it must have been one of the the other girls who opened the door before. As soon as we get outside. Asha starts to speed up. I trip several times trying to keep up with her, but she never slows down or looks back.

Where are we going Asha? She doesn’t answer or stop. She takes me on a trail around the mountain. We never stop and I even fall several times to keep pace with her. Not once does she look back or help me up. The trail seems to lead up a hill and I groan with exertion as we finally reach the top. She sits on the top of the hill and drinks from a similar jug she has around her neck. I don’t hesistate to drink from the jug around my neck and realize its water.

I cough and almost choke from trying to catch my breath and drink at the same time. Again she makes no move to help me, she just looks straight ahead and stays silent. A few more minutes up the hill and Asha starts walking back down the hill following the trail we just came from. She doesn’t even ask if im ready, she just goes. Arrggghhh I scream. She still continues to walk. I let one more loud groan leave my lips before im running to catch up to her.

As we come closer to the mountain I see a shadow in the crevice of two rocks. The rocks are as big as me. Asha continues to walk the trail towards the entrance as if nothing is wrong, so I continue to follow her. As we get closer to the mountain the shadow starts to look more like a person squatting but then its gone.

We finally reach the entrance and Asha walks in without a glance back. I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I turn around and almost jump out my skin as im face to face with Moro. She nods and goes around me to walk to the right of the mountain. The area which she walk is shaded dark due to the lack of light on that side of the mountain. She walks straight through it and doesnt look back. I slowly start to walk in that direction.

I’m still out of breath from Asha’s speed walking so I take my time going to Moro. My breathing picks up as I walk through the dark area in which Moro walked. I see her standing on the other side. I take in the area we are getting in. It actually has a bit of grass in this space and surrounded by other rock formations. Its closed off besides the path we came in. The area is shaped like a circle. Do as I do. Says Moro. I jump at the sound of her voice. Almost forgetting she was there.

She starts to do as I can only describe as yoga poses. She bends and twists easily in every position. I try to mimic her every move but fail at most of the positions. She never looks at me with disappointment though. Again. Is all she says when I fail miserably. By the time we are finished, im so sore. I can barely stand. Moro nods at me and starts walking towards the path we came. I follow her and feel a cold object at my throat. I scream but don’t move. Moro doesn’t look back but keeps walking into the mountain entrance. I stop looking at Moro to look in front of me and stare into big brown eyes.

Her face shows nothing. No anger, fear, or laughter. Laya moves the knife from my throat and says Never expect someone else to help you. I nod as tears come down my face. She makes no move to console me. She just turns around and start walking. Like ive been doing all day, I say nothing and follow her. We end up in another clearing near the mountain. She hands me a long sharp sword. She shows me swift movements and expects me to do the same. I try my best. Like Moro and Asha she doesn’t get mad at me for doing it wrong. She just says Again. We go again and again until ive at least got two moves perfectly. Laya nods and starts walking past me.

My eyebrows are together

My face bawled up

Words of hate come out my mouth

My jaw is clenched

I’m silent

My eyes could shoot red lasers right now

My fists are bawled

My body is tense

I take everything quickly from their place

I snatch without meaning to

No! Is my answer to everything

I roll my eyes frequently

I need a distraction

I didn’t check who it was I immediately turned to go to Mayas room and to find Jayna but then my foot hit something solid. I looked down to see another body without a head.

What the hell happened here. My heart was beating so rapidly I heard it in my ears. I stepped over the body to find two more bodies slumped on the ground near the hallway. One in the same clothes as the others but the other….I dropped to my knees and turned the only women I ever loved over on her back. Her hazel eyes were calm like she knew her fate and those perfect lips agape like she was saying something mid sentence. I knew from the feel and look of her body that she was gone but I still felt for a pulse, because my mind couldn’t wrap around what I was seeing.

Blood stained my favorite dress. She knew I loved to see her in it and probably put it on expecting me to show up last night. I got up and got a cloth from the kitchen and immediately applied it to her chest where most of the blood seemed to be. I pulled her in my lap and whispered in her brown tight curls “its going to be ok, Im here now, were going to be ok, just hold on for me, I can s7op the bleeding I said. Just hold this. I grabbed her hand and put it on the cloth over her chest, but her hand kept sliding back to the floor.

Baby you have to work with me I said. Just hold this, Im going to call for help. After finally giving up on her hand holding the cloth, I spoke into my radio and called for backup. I rambled off the address by heart and looked back down into the eyes I never could get enough of staring into. Something snapped. I then realized how cold her hand was. How her eyes never moved and her chest never went up or down to take in air. I slowly let her body slide to the floor now accepting she was dead before I even entered the house.

I couldn’t keep my eyes from looking at her beautiful face and having flashes of memories when she smiled and laughed. I’d give anything to just hear her laugh again. God when we made love. I didn’t even hear one of my deputies grab my hand and ask which must have been quite a few times...Are you alright? I didn’t answer her or take my eyes away from Maya.

The deputy sensed my despair and went on to ask where is Jayna Darwin? Is Jayna…. She didn’t finish the rest of the sentence. I turned that time and looked at her. Jayna I said Jayna I didn’t find her. I shook my head to clear the memories. It’s my fault. I should have been there ..i whisper to myself as i hang my head low.

I was supposed to protect you i say as the wind carries my whispers through the air to nowhere at all. I put my hand in my pocket to touch the box that never left my pocket since that day. It held what was to be my future in it and now my past. I pulled it out and opened it and just stared at it like it could give me the answers to my haunting questions or better yet ease my guilt. Sparkling diamonds forming a heart. I let myself think about the expression that would have graced her face when I pulled it out and got on one knee.

Her lips would have trembled and her hands would nervously twist together, from years of paying attention to every detail I knew that meant she was excited and nervous. I shut the lid and shoved it in my pocket. None of that will happen now. You failed her I breathe out and it was as if my chest caved in with the pain of that truth. Darwin! called Jayna. Coming I called out. I had to be strong for Jayna she is all I have left of Maya now.

I know that bastard thinks he won but I wont let him take anything else from me. I told Jayna I didn’t know who and why her mother was killed, but I knew. Deep down I knew. Through my old connections I knew he was looking for her but he never came close to where we were. I thought I had you tucked away and safe my love. I furiously wipe away the tears that I didn’t realize fell down my face. I wont fail you this time Maya. I turned around and went into our new home.

Jayna

The days seem to run into each other and I don’t care to keep track of which day it is. I just got out of school for the summer when my mom died. We had so much planned. Darwin was going to take us on a family trip. It was a surprise because of how good I did in school the past year. I feel my eyes start to moisten as I think of all the things me and mom had planned. I wipe my face and shake my head. Like that will clear those memories. I couldn’t stop thinking of my mom.

Everyday was harder than the last. Everyone says it will get easier but its not. I’m alone and my life will never be the same. Well not completely alone because theres Darwin, but I think he hurts as much as me. Somedays it hurts to be around him. He reminds me of mom. Im sure its the same for him, because everyone use to tell me I looked like my moms twin. I don’t look into the mirror because of that. I don’t want to see dark brown curls on my head, even though mine were finer then my moms. Or her hazel eyes and smooth brown skin. Even our teeth looked the same.

Ugghh no I don’t want to see myself because then I have to see what I lost. God everything reminds me of mom. I get out of bed shaking my head and hoping to shake my horrible thoughts. I get dress and washed up and head into the living room. I was sleep most of the time getting here, but Colorado is good as anywhere I guess. I don’t care where we are really. As I walk towards the kitchen I hear another voice I don’t recognize.

The voice sounds calm and steady. Im used to it being so quiet since Darwin hasn’t been a big talker since mom passed. He always says the normal stuff like morning, or hungry?, or goodnight, but other than that,we're kind of just here. Which I don’t mind, just having him near makes me feel ok. He’s not mom but no one is.

There is never a good time. Says the stranger. She is so young says Darwin. I don’t know if I want to be away from her that long. I have to take care of her, she’s my responsibility now. The stranger turns towards me and I immediately feel nervous. Like he is giving me a math test just by looking at me and expecting the answers. It makes me turn my head to Darwin instead. He doesn't even realize im in the kitchen yet. Darwin is looking directly at the stranger as if he caught a man trying to steal something from him.

Darwins hands are clenched by his side. His eyebrows are drawn together and he looks like he will pass out from how hard he is staring at this man. I don’t know why but I feel like I have to go stand by Darwin. As soon as I do my nerves settle a little. I don’t feel so nervous. Darwin finally notices I’m in the kitchen because the stranger's eyes never left me and follow me to Darwins side.

His face immediately relaxes and his hands are no longer making fists. He looks down at me and nods and somehow I know that means hes got me. It makes me relax a little more but not completely because this man is still staring at me like I should be spitting answers to an important question. It’s weird his face has no emotion. Darwin who is this man? I ask. My name is Krag. Are you ready to go? He asks.

This is the man who is supposed to train me. I think to myself. I remember every word of that letter. Im supposed to spend the summer with him, but why? Before I get a chance to ask. Darwin says its too soon. His head is down and his hands are on the kitchen counter. Too soon Darwin repeats. I can’t lose her too. He whispers.

Krag moves by Darwins side. More like glides it seems because I don’t hear his footsteps. Weird I think to myself. His shoulders are aligned with Darwins and he faces the opposite direction me and Darwin are. He is shorten than Darwin but doesnt try to get closer to Darwins ear to whispers something that only Darwin could hear. Since their whispering I really take a look at Krag. He has on what looks like a brown sheet. Its wrapped around him and looks a little worn.

I think I saw a movie on tv once where these monks were wearing something like that. Is Krag a monk? I stop worrying about Krags dress and focus on Darwin again. Dress..I smirk to myself, thats what I use to call them when I saw it on tv. Mom would give me the “thats not funny look” but I would always keep laughing. Here I go again thinking about my mom. I try to refocus on Darwin before I get to wrapped up in my thoughts. By the look of Darwins eyes and the way his body goes stiff, it must be important. The next thing I know Darwin grabs my hand and all but drags me to my room.

He closes my door once we are in the room. Darwin I say hesitantly. I’ve never seen him look this serious before. He kind of has the same expression as Krag now. Emotionless, but somehow I would still trust Darwin over Krag. I still feel safer with Darwin. He turns towards me and says pack a bag with as much clothes as you can. So Im going I say? With Krag for the summer.

Jayna I promise that he won’t hurt you. Says Darwin. He knew your mom and I trust him. I wanted to argue that it didn’t seem that way in the kitchen but Darwin seems to have made up his mind. So I hold my tongue like mom taught me to do and just say Ok.

He looks at me and seems to sense my resistance. He grabs my hands and says Jayna, its just you and me now. I failed your mom but I won’t fail you. I promise I won’t leave you and will always come back for you. Do you understand Jayna? I shake my head yes. No Jayna I need to hear you say it. says Darwin. Yes Darwin I believe you. He gives me a tight hug and leaves the room for me to finish packing.

I didn’t check who it was I immediately turned to go to Mayas room and to find Jayna but then my foot hit something solid. I looked down to see another body without a head.

What the hell happened here. My heart was beating so rapidly I heard it in my ears. I stepped over the body to find two more bodies slumped on the ground near the hallway. One in the same clothes as the others but the other….I dropped to my knees and turned the only women I ever loved over on her back. Her hazel eyes were calm like she knew her fate and those perfect lips agape like she was saying something mid sentence. I knew from the feel and look of her body that she was gone but I still felt for a pulse, because my mind couldn’t wrap around what I was seeing.

Blood stained my favorite dress. She knew I loved to see her in it and probably put it on expecting me to show up last night. I got up and got a cloth from the kitchen and immediately applied it to her chest where most of the blood seemed to be. I pulled her in my lap and whispered in her brown tight curls “its going to be ok, Im here now, were going to be ok, just hold on for me, I can s7op the bleeding I said. Just hold this. I grabbed her hand and put it on the cloth over her chest, but her hand kept sliding back to the floor.

Baby you have to work with me I said. Just hold this, Im going to call for help. After finally giving up on her hand holding the cloth, I spoke into my radio and called for backup. I rambled off the address by heart and looked back down into the eyes I never could get enough of staring into. Something snapped. I then realized how cold her hand was. How her eyes never moved and her chest never went up or down to take in air. I slowly let her body slide to the floor now accepting she was dead before I even entered the house.

I couldn’t keep my eyes from looking at her beautiful face and having flashes of memories when she smiled and laughed. I’d give anything to just hear her laugh again. God when we made love. I didn’t even hear one of my deputies grab my hand and ask which must have been quite a few times...Are you alright? I didn’t answer her or take my eyes away from Maya.

The deputy sensed my despair and went on to ask where is Jayna Darwin? Is Jayna…. She didn’t finish the rest of the sentence. I turned that time and looked at her. Jayna I said Jayna I didn’t find her. I shook my head to clear the memories. It’s my fault. I should have been there ..i whisper to myself as i hang my head low.

I was supposed to protect you i say as the wind carries my whispers through the air to nowhere at all. I put my hand in my pocket to touch the box that never left my pocket since that day. It held what was to be my future in it and now my past. I pulled it out and opened it and just stared at it like it could give me the answers to my haunting questions or better yet ease my guilt. Sparkling diamonds forming a heart. I let myself think about the expression that would have graced her face when I pulled it out and got on one knee.

Her lips would have trembled and her hands would nervously twist together, from years of paying attention to every detail I knew that meant she was excited and nervous. I shut the lid and shoved it in my pocket. None of that will happen now. You failed her I breathe out and it was as if my chest caved in with the pain of that truth. Darwin! called Jayna. Coming I called out. I had to be strong for Jayna she is all I have left of Maya now.

I know that bastard thinks he won but I wont let him take anything else from me. I told Jayna I didn’t know who and why her mother was killed, but I knew. Deep down I knew. Through my old connections I knew he was looking for her but he never came close to where we were. I thought I had you tucked away and safe my love. I furiously wipe away the tears that I didn’t realize fell down my face. I wont fail you this time Maya. I turned around and went into our new home.

Jayna

The days seem to run into each other and I don’t care to keep track of which day it is. I just got out of school for the summer when my mom died. We had so much planned. Darwin was going to take us on a family trip. It was a surprise because of how good I did in school the past year. I feel my eyes start to moisten as I think of all the things me and mom had planned. I wipe my face and shake my head. Like that will clear those memories. I couldn’t stop thinking of my mom.

Everyday was harder than the last. Everyone says it will get easier but its not. I’m alone and my life will never be the same. Well not completely alone because theres Darwin, but I think he hurts as much as me. Somedays it hurts to be around him. He reminds me of mom. Im sure its the same for him, because everyone use to tell me I looked like my moms twin. I don’t look into the mirror because of that. I don’t want to see dark brown curls on my head, even though mine were finer then my moms. Or her hazel eyes and smooth brown skin. Even our teeth looked the same.

Ugghh no I don’t want to see myself because then I have to see what I lost. God everything reminds me of mom. I get out of bed shaking my head and hoping to shake my horrible thoughts. I get dress and washed up and head into the living room. I was sleep most of the time getting here, but Colorado is good as anywhere I guess. I don’t care where we are really. As I walk towards the kitchen I hear another voice I don’t recognize.

The voice sounds calm and steady. Im used to it being so quiet since Darwin hasn’t been a big talker since mom passed. He always says the normal stuff like morning, or hungry?, or goodnight, but other than that,we're kind of just here. Which I don’t mind, just having him near makes me feel ok. He’s not mom but no one is.

There is never a good time. Says the stranger. She is so young says Darwin. I don’t know if I want to be away from her that long. I have to take care of her, she’s my responsibility now. The stranger turns towards me and I immediately feel nervous. Like he is giving me a math test just by looking at me and expecting the answers. It makes me turn my head to Darwin instead. He doesn't even realize im in the kitchen yet. Darwin is looking directly at the stranger as if he caught a man trying to steal something from him.

Darwins hands are clenched by his side. His eyebrows are drawn together and he looks like he will pass out from how hard he is staring at this man. I don’t know why but I feel like I have to go stand by Darwin. As soon as I do my nerves settle a little. I don’t feel so nervous. Darwin finally notices I’m in the kitchen because the stranger's eyes never left me and follow me to Darwins side.

His face immediately relaxes and his hands are no longer making fists. He looks down at me and nods and somehow I know that means hes got me. It makes me relax a little more but not completely because this man is still staring at me like I should be spitting answers to an important question. It’s weird his face has no emotion. Darwin who is this man? I ask. My name is Krag. Are you ready to go? He asks.

This is the man who is supposed to train me. I think to myself. I remember every word of that letter. Im supposed to spend the summer with him, but why? Before I get a chance to ask. Darwin says its too soon. His head is down and his hands are on the kitchen counter. Too soon Darwin repeats. I can’t lose her too. He whispers.

Krag moves by Darwins side. More like glides it seems because I don’t hear his footsteps. Weird I think to myself. His shoulders are aligned with Darwins and he faces the opposite direction me and Darwin are. He is shorten than Darwin but doesnt try to get closer to Darwins ear to whispers something that only Darwin could hear. Since their whispering I really take a look at Krag. He has on what looks like a brown sheet. Its wrapped around him and looks a little worn.

I think I saw a movie on tv once where these monks were wearing something like that. Is Krag a monk? I stop worrying about Krags dress and focus on Darwin again. Dress..I smirk to myself, thats what I use to call them when I saw it on tv. Mom would give me the “thats not funny look” but I would always keep laughing. Here I go again thinking about my mom. I try to refocus on Darwin before I get to wrapped up in my thoughts. By the look of Darwins eyes and the way his body goes stiff, it must be important. The next thing I know Darwin grabs my hand and all but drags me to my room.

He closes my door once we are in the room. Darwin I say hesitantly. I’ve never seen him look this serious before. He kind of has the same expression as Krag now. Emotionless, but somehow I would still trust Darwin over Krag. I still feel safer with Darwin. He turns towards me and says pack a bag with as much clothes as you can. So Im going I say? With Krag for the summer.

Jayna I promise that he won’t hurt you. Says Darwin. He knew your mom and I trust him. I wanted to argue that it didn’t seem that way in the kitchen but Darwin seems to have made up his mind. So I hold my tongue like mom taught me to do and just say Ok.

He looks at me and seems to sense my resistance. He grabs my hands and says Jayna, its just you and me now. I failed your mom but I won’t fail you. I promise I won’t leave you and will always come back for you. Do you understand Jayna? I shake my head yes. No Jayna I need to hear you say it. says Darwin. Yes Darwin I believe you. He gives me a tight hug and leaves the room for me to finish packing.

I stretched and realized i'm still in the same clothes from yesterday. I found my bag Darwin had packed for me to stay at his house over the last week and went into the bathroom to shower and change. When I finally left the bathroom I felt a little more alive and refreshed. I looked around the room to see everything was gone except the bed I was sleeping in. I walked out the living room and noticed the same emptiness throughout the house.

Pictures weren’t hanging on the walls anymore. There was no furniture in the living room. Darwin was outside talking to a couple of men who had boxes in their hands. When he noticed I was standing there he immediately came up to me and gave me a side hug. Jayna we are moving. We can’t stay here anymore ok? Said Darwin.

O...k I said. Mom said to listen to Darwin and I didn’t have the energy to ask too many questions. The men had us loaded and packed within an hour. We got into the truck and suddenly I had one question come to mind. Hey Darwin aren’t you the sheriff? You can't leave. Its taken care of is all he said and started up the truck.

Shaitan

Is it done Dhimashada? Asked Shaitan. A nod was all he received. Dhimasada had his tongue removed when he was young so he can’t speak, but his knives and hands say much more than he ever could. He was death and he embodied it. It showed in his unnatural darkness of his skin. The tinge of yellow in his eyes and teeth. He makes me put distance between us unintentionally no matter how long i've known him. Never let your guard down around Dhimashada.

Good. She thought she could get away from me I say as I think back to when I first had a taste of Maya. In Africa I had my eye on Maya for some time. I knew her father would do anything for peace so I claimed a false truce to gain his trust. Dhimashada was sent to kill him in his sleep and hide his body until my wedding ceremony was over with Maya. She found out anyway and I had to force her hand but that didn’t matter I still had what I wanted. I killed her entire tribe to make sure no one could take retribution..

Maya was mine until she escaped. I thought over the last two years I had her that I broke her will by all the delicious things I did to her, but obviously I hadn’t done enough. She was the only concubine I still yearned for over and over again. I was never satisfied and made sure she knew it with surprised torture sessions that only I drew pleasure from.

I loved seeing her whimper and bend to do what I asked. Which is why I was so mad with rage when I found out that my Maya was alive and well but had a bastard of a child with some american.In all honesty the bastard might be mine, I knew Maya was taking herbs to stop herself from getting pregnant. I found out right before she escaped and I switched the herbs.

I made sure to wait until I knew she took the herbs and made sure to take her hard and frequent that day. Just one of the many ways I would show her I owned her body. I couldn’t wait to see her face when she realized she was pregnant, but then she escaped the day after. It doesn’t matter if Jayna is of my blood or not, she will be under me. Her fate was sealed by her mother.

I waited and waited years for this day. The day I kill my wife and take her daughter as my concubine. I will not let her get away like her mother did. Just thinking about her young body makes me excited with anticipation. Dhimasada where is the girl? I ask.

He shakes his head no. Damn it. No Dhimashada what do you mean no? Where is she? He makes a hand signal for gone. I could kill him right now but I doubt it be him who lay slain on the floor. I want her! Find her! Dhimashada now! He leaves without anymore gestures.I have waited many years for you little one I say as I look at her picture. I can wait just a little longer.

I call two of my favorite concubines to service me. I have four concubines total. Ranging from the ripe age of fifteen and up. Jayna will be the youngest at ten and I can't wait to have her. I need to get rid of this frustration. We have been in America too long I miss my home. This New York is too busy and loud. I came here with twenty men as soon as I found out my treacherous bride was alive. Then to find out she had a child.

My fist clenches in the hair of the concubine who is on her knees pleasuring me, the concubine gives a whimper because of my grip but I do not care she wassupposed to be mine. No one touches what's mine and so since my dear bride gave herself so freely to another she owed me her life. Her daughter will be my reward for being so patient. The concubine chokes as I physically enjoy the thought of having Jayna. I release and smile to myself as my concubines scurry out the room.

Darwin

Why wasn’t I there that night? I chastise myself. Why didn’t I just let a deputy handle the town drunk like I always do. I thought maybe just once if I showed up to arrest his ass then maybe I wouldn’t have anymore trouble out of him. Show him I meant business this time around instead of sending a deputy to just calm him down and send him inside his home. Look what it cost me. A price I never thought I ever had to pay.

It was so late when I finished up paperwork and my version of teaching the town drunk a lesson, that I went home and crashed. Thought it was too late to show up to Maya’s house and I didn’t want to wake Jayna. The next morning I showered and prepared to do my normal rounds, but first I always called Maya before going about my day. She didn’t answer. It was 6 am but she gets up early to work out religiously so I knew she was up. After not getting an answer after the third try that morning, I decided to stop by.

I grabbed some flowers from the Johns Market on the way. She loved fresh flowers. When I pulled up to the house, something was definitely not right. The curtains were not drawn back and no music was playing. I knew Maya like the steady beat of my heart, music was a morning

routine and so was opening the curtains. She said to me once its too beautiful to not let the sun in. The sun is when good things happen. I never asked the meaning but Maya was like that. She always said things differently. Had her own interpretation of life and how to live it.

My stomach started to churn and I hated that feeling. It reminded me why I was retired. Here in this town I didn’t need any training to do my job and I like it that way, but today seemed off. So without thinking twice. I went around back and immediately pulled out my spare key to use on the back door. As soon as I put my hand on the door it creaked open. My stomach was in a knot now. I put my hand on my gun out of habit and walked into the house.

My head started to hurt and neck seemed stiff. What the hell is wrong, dammit I havent felt like this in so long. I didn’t call out to Maya or Jayna because at this point my senses are on such high alert that I just needed to see them then hear their voices. The closer I got to the living room a shape started to form in the little light that was filtered in from the back door. I froze and just stared at it. I knew it was a body.

A bump in the night

A flickering light

Creak of the floor boards

Unidentifiable sounds

Crickets and frogs chirping through the open window

Wind howling

Dogs barking, cats meowing

Rocking chair rocking with no one in it

Nightmares

Legs crossed tight trying to hold pee

Too much and too much fright

Tears roll down my face when I look at his pictures

The bed is so empty without him

I smell the pillow to get a whiff of his cologne

I fall asleep with the smell

Memories invade my mind during the day

Shaking my head to clear those memories, telling them go away!

After work I go to a bar and drown my sorrows

Except I can’t get away from them or more like him

I take a walk to the park to clear my mind

My heart feels like it’s bleeding but on the outside

The wind blows through my hair

It makes me relax

Just then I get a text

It says I want you back

No I text back, I’ve let the wind carry you

I no longer want to be your baby

I bend down then I see an old friend

Me and kids take a walk

I notice my friend behind me

I stop for a minute

He stops by me and doesn’t lose a step

I take the kids to the park

As I’m pushing my daughter he shows up again

I go to sit down and there he is again on the floor

My husband asks how was your day?

Painful I respond

Copyright lacrecia hillis