Home
It was the only place we could ever be alone together.
An ancient sanctuary that cast long shadows & stood proud like an impenetrable fortress.
A place where the rest of the world could not enter & where the veil between worlds no longer existed.
A place where only the indifferent eyes of the forest animals and the Guardian Fay could see us.
His family could never accept the truth.
Mine would never accept him.
Yet, ever since that fateful day, when I was alone with my somber thoughts in my secret place and he found me, our hearts have been irreversibly intertwined.
His blue-green eyes danced with my own golden brown. In that instant, somewhere deep inside, we both felt it - an inexplicable sigh of relief. As if though our souls had been holding their breaths until that very moment and they suddenly remembered how to breathe again.
Even the green wood around us seemed to awaken from its’ silent reverie - a gentle breeze rustling the leaves of the trees and letting sunbeams shine through the canopy of branches to alight on us. Birdsong emanated from somewhere nearby - their voices, unknowingly to us at the time, anouncing the work of destiny.
His gaze was piercing - like an arrow to my heart.
My eyes both moved and transfixed him - like an icy fire in his veins.
I had never seen someone so handsome before.
Even in his dishevelled state, he stood tall and strong.
His chestnut hair fell just above his long lashes, which, along with strong cheekbones and a rosy flush, framed his beautiful eyes.
His lips, full and enticingly pink, slowly turned upwards into a soft smile.
His dress, though strange in fashion, was woven of the finest fabrics - alluding to his station in the world.
When he spoke - it was the deep, undulating, and rich tones of a baritone cello.
I felt myself smiling back warmly at him - and our fates were sealed.
We spoke that day of everything and nothing all at once, as if we’d known each other for lifetimes rather the few moments the Sun declared. Before we could notice, the hours flew by, and the Moon began to dance her way into the sky.
Niether of us wanted to part ways, but propreity forced us to.
With a promise to meet again on the morrow, we bade each other goodnight and left - feeling lighter and fuller than either of us had ever felt before.
And so our chance meeting turned into days, weeks, and months of us meeting in our private safe haven - Each moment together becoming more and more intimate than the last.
Some days we played and laughed like children.
Others, we comforted each other from the pain and stress the outside world inflicted on us - the weight of our stations and lineages burdening us.
Then it happened.
One day, as we played on the overgrown ruins of an ancient Fay temple, he caught hold of me, pressed me close to his firm body and did not let go.
I laughed jovially until I caught myself trapped gazing at the warm and tender look in his eyes. They were like the sea amid a raging storm - countless thoughts and emotions swimming through them. His soft expression held me & then, as if in a trance, he pressed his lips to mine.
My soul soared within me & without thought my hand flew up to caress his cheek as the kiss deepened.
He pulled away to catch his breath for a second before his placing another soft kiss to my forehead.
“I love you...” he whispered.
His grip on me tightened, as if afraid I would vanish in that instant.
“I want to be like this, with you, forever...”
Tears, unbidden, sprung from my eyes. Joy and sorrow raging within me.
I held his face in my hands, his beard stubble scratching warmly against my palms, and kissed him once more - savouring the taste and the feel of him.
“I love you, my heart is yours - always....”
He wiped my tears with his thumb...understanding passing through him as I spoke the next words.
“But they will never let us be... This is forbiden and they will stop at nothing to keep us apart.”
We held each other as my words sunk in. His nose buried itself into my hair and breathed in deeply.
″ I don’t care...”
He stepped away from me for a moment, only to kneel on the grass beneath us and pull me down with him. He held both my hands firmly clasped in his own, as if in prayer.
His eyes became serious and, in the distance, I could feel the presence of the Fay Guardians observing us with interest, their power forcing even the lost spirits of the woods and the fauna to turn to us.
My heart beat wildly within as he spoke, each word radiating such power that I could feel its vibration flow through me, through the air around us, and the earth beneath us.
“This is a vow that cannot be broken.
My fate, my heart, and my soul unto you, and only you, do I bind.
No matter the consequence, no matter the cost, no matter the time,
to you, my true love, all of myself I bind.
Niether the Earth, the Seas, nor the Heavens shall keep me
Nor shall the beasts nor Man best me.
I will always find my way back to you, I will always keep my love and my promise to you true.
All my labours and trials will be for you, because all of me I bind, from now until the end of time, to you.”
He reached for the signet ring that sat on his left hand, a proud symbol of his birthright and status. In a swift motion, he stamped it into the Earth before pulling it off his finger and slipping it onto mine.
The gilded piece felt ablaze as it carressed my skin and settled swiftly into its place - as if it were mine all along.
My soul stirred within me, and without a second thought I let it take hold.
I reached around my collar and unclasped the necklace that hung there - a heavy weight that marked both my ancient lineage and me as the "infante" of my people.
The trees around us groaned and swayed as a strong gust of wind swept through them. On its breath was the scent of rain.
“I accept this vow that has been spoken,
and, in turn, offer this - a sacred token.
My heart, my soul, my fate I bind to you
Because I know your love to be true.
Your heart and mine will forever beat as one.
These vows shall be protected by The Divine, The Moon & The Sun.”
I wrapped the silver chain around his neck, his pulse beating fiercly against my wrist as I latched the clasp into place.
My hand followed the chain down to the glimmering pendant and held it for a moment before he reached up to feel it too. The metal, shaped like a crescent moon eclipsing a sun, caught the light and glowed for a moment.
He looked at me, eyes intense, before kissing me firmly once more.
There was a clap of thunder & in an instant the sky let loose a great shower of cool rain.
We laughed and began to run for cover.
Our hands never once letting go of the other.
We were happy, living out this secret love affair, for a time.
The faint glow of a lantern or the resplendent shine of the full Moon guided us through the labrynth of trees on the nights we couldn't bare to be away from each other.
We became careless.
One Moonless night, while our hearts beat in intimate embrace, we were caught.
A bitterly jealous maiden followed him that night to see what secret he held, to find the reason why he would not take her hand or reciprocate her affection.
She made no noise - simply observed with vengeful eyes and then left to indicte us to our families.
Her tale poisoned their hearts against us.
His family was ruthless.
He was beaten and lashed soundly with iron tipped whips before they sent him far away - heavily guarded by mercenaries at all times.
He tried many times to escape.
His body bore the marks of every punishment he recieved for his disobedience. He did not care.
His eyes and ears searched for any news of my fate. Even when the beating began to become more violent and his body lay broken for extended lengths of time.
The poison which so enraged my family drove the Patriarch to extreme fury. It was inconcievable that one of his own and of high rank would engage in such heresy. I was imprisoned for a brief moment while he gave into dark impulses and began to 'cleanse' his court by first murdering his wife, and then his servants. In his madness, and as I fled to the forest after escaping my prison, he rode his mount furiously. With the eyes of a hawk he set his target upon me and let loose an arrow.
My death was almost instant - the arrowhead sticking out from within my chest assured that. I couldn't scream, I could barely lift my arms to touch the fatal wound. I looked ahead to the eyes of the Fay just beyond the trees.
My body fell lifeless at the foot of the forest at the same moment my spirit walked out of it and stepped past the first trees in the wood.
The patriarch approached the cadaver - contempt and malice on his proud face, blind to the spirit that stood before or the Fay observing. He held no remorse for murdering his family or his youngest son before him now.
He unsaddled from the horse and withdrew a great broadsword - Intent on removing my head and using it as a prop to instill a reign of fear within our people.
He lifted his sword, and, in what can only be called divine retribution, was struck not once, but thrice by thunderous bolts of lightening. He screamed in agonizing pain as his flesh burned - the jeweled and metal adornements he wore glowed red and crackled as they broiled him alive.
From within the woods, The Fay watched, apathetic to his wails.
Even as his charred and smoking corpse fell to the ground, they stood still as statues.
They waited for another.
For the first time, I could see them clearly.
Tall, exquisite, and radiant beings.
Their eyes befell me and I felt their voices echo in my mind
“Come....Come to us, child.
Our Forest Prince has arrived at last!”
I cast one last sorrowful glance at my lifeless body and the tall towers of my ex home in the distance before turning and walking forward into the embrace of my new forest folk.
Their ancient tongue became as mine, their vast knowledge was my own, and the trees and wind that blew around us now beckond to my every call. This new family held me close to their hearts and nurtured my liberated spirit.
Yet, Despite their warmth and tenderness. They could not protect me from the deep sorrow and longing that invaded my being each night as I awaited my lost love. This new life, though warm and welcoming, kept me bound to the Forest.
They knew of this and let me be, gaurding the woods all around me as I held a signet ring close to my heart.
Their vision into the future, though sometimes shared, was one thing they kept to themselves and was still far beyond my understanding. They were Gaurdians of far more than just the trees.
The passage of time can be as cruel to spirits as it is to mortals, so I learned.
I sat and kept vigil in our secret place - waiting for the day he would come.
Each day and night felt longer and lonelier than the last...
One day, years after my own death and rebirth, as I held his ring close to my heart, I was overcome by unimaginable pain.
My entire being felt as if it had been set ablaze and I felt almost human again as an unholy scream ripped through me. I grasped onto the crumbling wall of the ruin I stood in and gasped for breath - quivering as the sensation passed.
Elsewhere, on the edge of the Forest, The Fay stood watch...awaiting once again.
Their ears deaf to the screams they heard in front and behind them.
The pain subsided completely and I could feel myself shudder - a breeze tickling my ethereal form.
I wandered over to where I could sit and held my hand to my chest, eyes glistening with invisible tears. Something had happened to him...I just knew it. The pain that had overcome me had happened to him.
Above, the canopy of trees swayed, Midday Sun poured into the green ruins and warmed my aether skin.
I sat still and listened to the words of the gales above...
....dead....
....poison....
...Fay...
...Aether...
No.....NO!
It couldn't be true! He couldn't have died!
I buried my face into my hands, glittering stardust falling from eyes instead of the tears my human body had once shed. I couldn't leave the forest. I couldn't go see him or save him.
I felt myself about to begin sobbing when I felt it...
A strong ghostly hand alighted gently on my arm.
The touch almost too delicate - as if someone was handling fine glass.
I turned and found myself caught in the same beautiful oceanic gaze that I had bound myself to long ago.
″ I made a vow that could not be broken,
to always come back to you, to keep my promise of love true ”
My aether heart pulsed strongly and I felt myself filled with joy.
He lifted me into his arms and spun me around as we laughed like children once more. The ring on my finger sparkled, the pendant on his neck glowed, and when we kissed the forest around us shone radiantly bright - an explosion of light and life pervading through the thick trunks of all the trees and embedding itself into the soil and every fern.
We peppered each other with kisses and his warm embrace was so perfect.
He held me to his chest firmly, strong arms refusing to ever let me go again.
"I'm home..." he murmured softly into nape of my neck as he breathed me in.
"No... WE'RE home.." I smiled and snuggled into him more.
The Fay gathered around us and smiled warmly.
It was the only place we could ever be together.
An ancient sanctuary that cast long shadows & stood proud like an impenetrable fortress.
A place where the rest of the world could not enter & where the veil between worlds no longer existed.
A place where only the indifferent eyes of the forest animals and the Guardian Fay could see us.
It was our Enchanted Forest
It was our home....
Eternity
This wasn’t the way things were supposed to end.
They had promised each other that; no matter what happened, they would stick it out together.
Countless battles were won.
Responsibilities were shared.
They strove to keep things fair and balanced for each other – helping each other shoulder the burdens when things got too rough.
They had cried together
They had laughed together
They kissed
They fought
They made up & worked things out
They kissed again
Sleepless nights were endured together – sometimes consciously, sometimes unknowingly.
They scratched & clawed and worked tirelessly to build their life together.
It wasn’t easy
In fact it would have been so much easier to just let the rest of the world have its way with them.
Family, friends, religion, governments, work, the zombified cashier at the local burger shop, the annoying brat next door who always played his music a bit too loud, the chubby supervisor from the department store who just HAS to come say “Hi” and stick her nose into your business, Hell - even the damned dog who refused to stay off the couch! – It was amazing how many different people, things, places, laws, or circumstances had tried to tear them apart.
Really, it probably would have been the most logical thing to do – to just walk away from each other and never look back. Certainly, it would have been less painful and draining than at least even half of the ‘shit show’ they had to endure together.
But that’s the thing about love – it doesn’t give a flying fuck about what anything or anyone else has to say about it.
There were moments, in the past when things were still new, that they tried to walk away from each other.
It was like ripping your soul out and letting the demons ravage your body – unbearable. Nothing could have ever felt more unnatural, more WRONG than trying to forget each other. And, as if that wasn’t bad enough, everywhere they went the universe would have a way of screaming at them to go find each other.
In the end though, they ALWAYS came back together.
Their love was too strong to live without – so they did what they had to do.
It wasn’t easy forsaking their respective homes, families, friends, or hometowns.
For a long time, they were all the other person had.
But in time, things got easier.
They built a small home together – with a small garden to ‘get away from it all’
They made lots of new friends who adored them and welcomed them into their homes and lives like family.
They even ended up bringing home a few furry ‘forever friends’ of the feline and canine variety.
Then – the greatest news of all!
A baby!
It was supposed to be impossible for them, but somehow things had worked in their favour – or so it seemed.
Nobody ever tells you how painful it is to lose someone you never even had the chance to meet. How do you mourn them?
Nobody ever bothers to explain how important it is to stay with your life partner when their world has come crumbling down.
Much less do they speak of the absolute, gut wrenching moment when you have to come home from work to find the cold, lifeless form of your lover.
The note on the counter is barely legible when your tears keep smudging the ink.
Your heart, somehow, is beating frantically – throbbing pulses echoing in your ears & temples, even though you can feel yourself dying.
You’ve endured everything together – it can’t be like this.
It can’t end like this
There were enough pills left on the ground for you to follow after your love – swallowing them all in one go with a glass of water is easier than expected.
You crawl beside your beloved and hold them close to you – secretly hoping that somehow their arms will wrap around you, that warmth will envelop you, that you will see color rush to that face you have kissed countless times, and that all this was just some terrible nightmare.
‘It wasn’t supposed to end like this…’ you whisper to deaf ears
It’s a little unsettling how quickly an unnatural sleep can kick in.
‘please…wait for me…I love you’
darkness gives way to light
And there they are – smiling tenderly at you once again, a baby in arm.
‘Forever is ours now.’
Ojos
It was his eyes that told the truth.
The first time their gazes crossed, it was difficult to understand how such beautiful golden eyes could be so cold and distant. Their intensity and penetrating gaze seemed anything but warm & inviting. Despite the friendly expression he wore on his handsome face, his eyes told another story. The feeling they left behind was that of a hungry predator stalking its prey. It was a little frightening how a simple glance from him could bring such inner turmoil.
The second time their paths crossed, his face seemingly stoic now, his eyes no longer seemed harsh and uninviting but rather magnetizing and hypnotic. They glistened like the deep waters of the sea at dusk – chestnut brown rivers melting into pools of golden amber. In them, a violent tempest waged. It was impossible to look away. That’s when the realization dawned that the look in his eyes was not one of hostility, or scrutiny. His demeanour was composed in every way – calculated even, but in his eyes was a reflection of what he kept hidden away – things he dare not speak for fear that even acknowledging their existence would cause him to drown. In his eyes lay a deep sorrow and longing – a silent plead for affection & understanding.
It wasn’t until now that a true epiphany came to be. The look in his eyes could have made any rational person go weak at the knees. A fire raged within – their gaze burning and powerful. Surely he must have been a descendant of Apollo because on his handsome face was the most brilliant smile and in his eyes he held the sun. They were radiating so much warmth and tender affection that it seemed utterly ridiculous to have ever thought them to be cold & distant. His touch was so gentle – it seemed ghostly almost. His eyes beheld a reflection of what a beating heart could not deny. In them his soul lay bare and ever welcoming.
He whispered a declaration – his rugged voice so faint it could easily have just been dreamt.
His kiss was the final seal of destiny – and then his eyes…
His eyes reflected the truth of the soulful confession he had just laid bare.
It was his eyes that always told the truth.
The Child with The King’s Sword
As I get older and gain more experiences in life, I often find myself constantly needing to disconnect from everything & everyone by going into nature and just letting myself feel/heal. Crying my eyes out on a secluded beach, going into a temple and praying for hours, or laughing/smiling up at the full moon are typical behaviors for me for when I need to recharge. My dearest friends & family, I'm sure, can attest to a dual nature that's always lived in me and that has also pervaded every aspect of my life.
I can be the sweet, loving child who is super sensitive and emotional, who spreads light and love, and is constantly giving to others - or I can become the King of Swords - An emotionally distant, frigid, logical, wielder of truth who has no qualms about telling it like it is & wielding that sword with absolute resolution.
Anyone who knew me well growing up can tell you, I was and am still not the person you want to play mind games with or start a fight with - why?
No, it's not because I'll have the last word, the upper hand, or even the physical strength to tear you down, but rather - in those moments when you have really crossed me - I can become colder than the ice on Pluto and have no qualms about using the sword of truth to put you back into your place, cut off all ties that bind us, and move on without so much as a second thought - taking my light and love with me.
I don't have to play your games or fight you - I just need to cut you out & let God and the Universe deal with you.
Countless people, things, situations, and emotions have come and gone in that way - letting things go without feeling too remorseful about it was practically second nature to me (regardless of how invested I once was). Anything/Anyone that felt unhealthy, brought chaos or drama into my life, brought pain, played with my emotions or thoughts was easily recognized and removed from my presence.
Part of this came from me knowing that what is meant for me will find its/their way to me and stay, and that which doesn't pertain to me will present itself to be weeded out. The other part was me protecting a fragile heart from the countless hardships I've had to endure and grow from while I grew up - old wounds that healed but left sensitive scars.
Enduring and overcoming all that wasn't easy - by God's good graces and mercy alone was I able to survive and make it this far in life.
Sometimes, I feel like the reason I was born with this dual nature is because God knew it would be a great protection for me to have - the ability to empathize with others but see through their bullshit and cut to the heart of a problem or just cut out when necessary.
But as I get older, and life has done a complete turn around for me, I find it harder and harder to recognize that person I once was - The King of Swords is not on his throne, but rather sleeping in a secret chamber. His sword is still there, ready to wield if necessary, but in the hands of a boy it is not as swift or sure in its strike.
How is it that as a child, I was more like the King and now, as an adult, I am more like a boy?
The older I get, the more emotional, sensitive, loving, and caring I become. I'm free to love others deeply and without inhibitions. My heart swells with joy and warmth for those people around me who I have allowed into my life and who I love so much (even the ones who sometimes take more than they give)
That in turn, makes it harder to wield the sword or call upon the King to take blade in hand and deal the severing and final blow.
What do you do when your heart & mind are on parallel paths having to choose between the forks in the road that will unite them or pull them further apart?
How do you wield a sword under the force of a tidal wave?
How do you make a choice between wanting to have faith in a situation or moving on in truth and clarity?
X (10) - The Wheel of Fortune
“Wheel of Fortune, turn, turn, turn.
Show me the things I need to learn.”
“Wheel of Fortune, turn, turn, turn.
Show me the good things I have earned.”
“Wheel of Fortune, turn, turn, turn.
What is the destiny for which my soul yearns.”
These words always bounce around in my head everytime card number 10 - the Card of Destiny, also known as “The Wheel Fortune” - decides to make an appearance while I divine fates from the tarot.
It’s such a strange card to understand.
From the spinning, gold coin in the center of the card to the bright and sunny clouds in the background; it’s imagery is so simple and plain as day - yet, at the same time, so deep, insightful, and mysterious.
It carries with it the simplicity & innocence of a child. Honestly, sometimes I feel like that is probably the best way to approach this card - I can almost picture the conversation in my head. A confused adult approaches a bright and happy kid whose lost in their own little sunny world - and yet there is an awareness, a wise sort of knowing in the those young eyes (perhaps this is their inner child?) - and asks him complex questions only to be met with simple and straightforward answers.
“Why do you like that old toy?”
“Because it’s my favorite!”
“Why is it your favorite?”
“Because I love it!”
“Why do you love it?”
“Because it makes me happy!”
“Why does it make you happy?”
“Because it just does!”
For me, sometimes, it also comes across as one of those generic sayings that people toss around without thinking - like, “Tomorrow’s a new day” or “Nothing is as sure as the sunrise.”
For sure, it does represent the flux of life.
That unstable yet constant energy of life’s ups and downs, the highs and lows, the idea of “what’s meant to be will be”. The ever spinning wheel of life’s endless and natural cycles - night and day, day and night, life and death, death & (re)birth.
However, there are time when you want a concrete answer to a question & this card will make an appearance.
“Who am I destined to marry?”, you ask the cards.
“The person who is destined for you”, responds the Wheel of Fortune.
like, gee, thanks! That was SO useful!
*insert sardonic laugh here*
And then...
Then it happens.
You meet your “Wheel of Fortune” in real life.
It’s so out of nowhere, something you thought would be utterly impossible, and yet...There they are - smiling so lovingly and so happily at you like a little kid who just got the biggest ice cream cone with 4 scoops of ice cream at the malt shop.
And the feeling of Destiny is so overwhelming - you feel paralyzed, as if you are living the most wonderful dream and are afraid that at any moment you might wake up and be back in the harsh reality of the real world.
The card reminds you - never lose that childhood innocence/enthusiasm/spirit.
And the most wonderful things in life - are the simplest ones that awaken and bring joy to that inner child.
Go get an ice cream.
You never know when that spinning gold coin will fall from the heavens and into your hands.