The Monster

Imagine yourself running away from something because you're scared.

Imagine yourself being frightened of something, you don't know why.

Imagine yourself not understanding, not knowing why you are so afraid.

Imagine yourself fearing a monster you never knew was there.

Imagine yourself never knowing that same monster lives in your closet, no. Your bathroom.

Going back to running away from something you're afraid of, imagine yourself, after that long run, in the middle of nowhere, lost and alone.

Imagine yourself going back home because the monster left.

Imagine yourself finding that monster again, so you run and run until you find yourself lost and alone again.

Imagine yourself doing that same trip over and over again, going back and forth over and over again.

Imagine yourself being tired of it and wanting to cry and just give up.

Imagine yourself finding a river near by and seeing it rise up until it stars touching your feet.

Imagine yourself having trouble leaving because you can't.

You can't swim and the water had reached your chest.

It rises up so fast you don't have time to yell. You find yourself drowning.

Imagine yourself drowning in water, lost, alone and afraid.

Now that's what I experience everyday.

Everyday, my mind experiences this awful trip.

The monster comes every time I am near someone; every time that person speaks to me, looks at me, touches me; every time I speak to them, look at them, touch them.

The monster is a feeling. The monster is fear, anxiousness, loneliness, sadness, loss.

The monster is the water from the river.

The monster is a disorder. The monster is social anxiety disorder.

The monster is not in the closet or in the bathroom.

The monster is a shadow. My shadow.

The monster is in me, in my body, in my head, in my soul.

The monster only wants to protect me, but doesn't know it's killing me.