I want to live, to do amazing things, to breathe the air of success and let it bleed through me.

But for what?

I have nothing, no one on my side.

All my tears are drying, my nights are sleepless, the Moon is waning.

What is the point?

When hope was always dead, when success was never mine to take.

I try as hard as my might wills me, as much as my wishing appeals to me, but the Moon always makes way for the Sun at the end of the beautiful and lonely night, and I will always make room for others around me.

Make room for them to only scar me, break me into smaller pieces.

Nothing can bring me back from the depths of brokenness, nothing will make me want to breathe again.

I’ll just stop wasting the wishes, stop taking up your air.

I’ll leave and not waste any more time.

You continue being selfish and I’ll watch from the broken wings, as you take the stage because you’re stronger than I would ever have been.

Your will was always brighter, making you shine.

I was always your shadow, and I’ll return to it.

Just more deeper, more hopeless, but as always; broken.

~Mariya

Hold on, hold on,

Don't let go of life just yet,

There's still many colours of the sky,

That you have not witnessed yet,

Hold on, hold on tighter,

Don't let go of your memories,

The smiles of those you love,

And those in the future you have yet to see,

"But I'd rather let go, let it all go,

To get far away from the pain,

I hate to see the Sky cry,

And I despise the blood-red Sunset,

"I've let go, I've gone,

Far, far away,

No more pain, and yet no more happiness,

Just sweet and bitter death."

~Mariya

The Sky is blacker than the black of the darkest abyss,

A reflection of my painful sorrow,

As the black-stained tears of our broken love seeps slowly out,

So soft, yet oh so painful,

And these precious tears, they dry up,

Into this world of lost and broken memories,

Stored in the swirls of Shadows that accompany me in these fragile moments,

While you are out there, somewhere,

Among the lost dust of Stars and of life,

A smile on your face as these Shadows encompass you ever so gently,

In my First Lost Love...

~Mariya

These wings, they're so heavy,

A burden on my shoulders,

A reminder to always strive to be perfect,

Not human, I can't act like a human,

I can't cry or pout,

Seem sad even just a little,

Can't make mistakes,

Can't be any different,

I have to hide under these burdensome wings,

And fly in the circle traced out for me...

~Mariya

*.               *.                *.                *.                *.               

      *.               *.               *.              *.          *.   

I slowly wither away,

Like a flower in Winter,

When Spring has left it's side,

And it's encompassed by the cold, harsh wind,

Blowing away it's beautiful petals one by one,

Scattering it's soul as it loses control,

This is what Winter has done,

And the deed can never be undone...

~Mariya

*.               *.                *.                *.                *.               

      *.               *.               *.              *.          *.   

For you,

I am willing to take that one step,

Across the dredges of darkness,

The place of shadows that always haunts you,

The ghostly screams that whisper by your fragile ears,

I want to reach out to you,

I will experience all this hurt, all these nightmares, all this pain,

Just to take it all away from you...

And so I leap,

Scared out of my mind,

But blinded by my love for you,

My need to protect you,

But you're gone the moment I arrive,

Your cries echo through my mind,

The tears in your piercing eyes haunt me even when I close my eyes,

'Why did you leave me?'

'Just when I took that step.'

'It was all for you,'

'I did this all for you,'

'I stepped on this haunted path all for you,'

'But you strayed,'

'Away from me,'

And no matter how much I call out,

How afraid I may be,

I am still alone,

Anchored on this path because of you,

Because I did this all for you,

All for you.

Yet I still don't regret

Taking that one more step...

~Mariya

* S *O *F *T

Wisps of spring,

And remnants of Winter,

Mingling, crying, but oh so silent...

Soft, soft pain, etched through their existence,

As the wind roars and cries in anguish,

The Sun's light is slowly, slowly dimming,

And the Rain falls as softly as a whisper,

Shadows still exist in the depths of this world,

Being swept away and away,

Lost,

Cold,

And oh so alone...

~Mariya

*P *A *I *N

   *           E       M                          

                                         P           T         Y      *

Tears,

Wet and shimmering,

Falling down my cheek,

As sorrow seeps slowly, slowly out of me,

But there is no replacement,

No feeling that has taken over it's place,

And I feel emptiness so empty,

That it creates an ache,

So powerful and great that I stumble and fall,

Down a hole so deep, there is no lighted path back,

And so I continue to fall down this empty, empty hole,

A place of darkness, both empty and whole...

~Mariya

*           S            O           R

                                        R           O         W *

Like a lost ship,

I was left abandoned,

On the grey and dangerous sea,

No one looked for me,

No one worried about me.

I went through ravenous storms,

Towering waves that would beat at my sides,

The cold wind, that once felt nice among my sails,

Orchestrated the destruction, the Demon of the Ocean.

But what was worse, was trying to endure the drifting, the waiting,

The little wells of hope that never lasted too long,

The wanting of a companion when watching the bloody horizon, the Sun leaving my side once again,

I couldn't cry on a shoulder,

Couldn't endure with a friend.

And so I continue to drift in a place,

That is neither here nor there,

Where the Sun doesn't shine, but scorches,

And the Moon mourns every night,

And as the Wind picks up speed once again,

Getting ready to cause destruction,

I hope and I hope and I hope (hopelessly) one more time,

To sink,

And sink,

And sink,

Deep, deep down,

And everyone's wish would finally be granted;

'She's gone, she's gone, she's gone'

And I'd finally be able to let out a long awaited breath...

~Mariya

A single tear,

Seeping out, oh so discrete,

Sweet as n e c t a r

As g o l d e n as the Sun.

It runs down a sorrowful and beautiful face,

Lands on the d e a d and decayed Earth.

S u r p r i s e shines in those eyes;

A flower has bloomed,

"Impossible" she breathes,

And the b r e e z e awakens and blows through her long hair,

She runs her fingers through her l u s c i o u s brown locks,

And suddenly the clouds part ways,

Revealing the a u r e a t e Sun,

It's rays making the flowers b l o o m fuller, brighter,

The rain drizzles s o f t l y down,

Spattering her golden b r o w n skin,

The world finally breathes,

And to think

All of this was born from her wonderful misery,

A whole new world full of nature and beauty...

~Mariya