Memories
the shuffle of cards
white earbuds and lipsync
expressions of mock disgust
roar
a smile as big as your jaunty personality
Unruly black hair
loud laughter and debate
even outside of class
an endless fight against gravity
and picking up trash on a rainy day
hands freezing
and cheeks pink
monolouges
crinkled paper
and a million dreams
long winded explainations
and exuberhant, exaggerated hand gestures
stolen calculaters and borrowed paper
he never did break his promise
every sheet was returned
leaning over the desk
all smiles, he says
“you know how we’ve always been besties?”
Maybe not
but if I could do it all over again
I would be.
Maybe we weren’t as close as most
but anyone who knew you
for any time at all
knew you were going places
knew you were
are
amazing.
You won’t be forgotten
and you will always be loved
but now that the brightest star has flickered out,
what comes next?
i wish
i wish you were here
i wish you weren’t hurting
i wish i could’ve known you better
i wish you didn’t feel this was the best solution
i wish you didn’t have too go through this
i wish i could take the pain away
i wish there was something i could do
or something i could’ve done
i wish it didn’t have to end this way
i wish that wishing was enough
but wishing won’t undo what’s already been done.
dear universe v.2
dear universe,
is is this
what life
is supposed to be?
such a beautiful
contradiction?
things of great joy
interposed
against things
of intense pain?
hard decisions
going against
everyone else's advice
because only you
best know
what is right?
wondering how
the world
could hate you
and love you
so impossibly much?
emptiness and light?
sick and strong?
smiling against the tears?
seeing the sun
break
through dark clouds?
exhausted but content
i know i will be alright
but i just need
a little more time.
Regrets (X)
You can try to live your life with no regrets, and it’s a good way to try to live. It doesn’t matter what path you take, though. There will be something you regret, somewhere along each one. There will always be that thing that makes you wonder, “What if I had done it?” I know for sure there are things I will always regret.
giving up.
everyone around me
makes me feel
as if needing time to myself
is giving up.
as if needing
to lose responsibility
to maintain my sanity
is giving up.
as if needing
just a simple word
of encouragement
is giving up.
as if putting
my own happiness
before
some hypothetical college resume
is giving up
on what i've
been working
for.
tired.
i am always
oh-so-tired
muscles limp
mind run ragged.
and now
when life
has dealt me
a bad hand
i must remember
what to me
is important
and what
to let
rest.
my family
brushes off
this deep set
nothingness
tells me
"it's normal, for a girl of your age."
but, oh, this bone deep exhaustion
had plagued me
for years now
and i know
something is wrong.
i have to give something up.
my mother says
"it's good for you, you can do it all."
my father
doesn't even seem
to notice
and, my friends?
they may be
the only ones
who really see
how poorly
i treat
myself.
