sensations // symptoms
wrapped in rusted metal wire.
barbed wire?
maybe.
heavily thudding, throwing itself against the walls of my ribs.
then still.
for a moment.
stuffing in my head that burns.
safety pins?
maybe.
dangerously heavy, dragging my head closer to the ground .
then empty.
for a moment.
My brain. My heart.
Are they really mine?
I don’t trust anyone anymore.
for fear it will happen again.
what if?
no.
if her punishments were my fault all along?
the woman on the wall
humming in my bones — humming.
roaring in my ears — roaring.
I whip my head round to see silky strands of hair. Suddenly — I’m there.
In my childhood home, completely alone, the furniture upside down.
A woman I don’t know, stranger and crone, is sitting in a chair.
crawling down the wall — crawling.
She comes at me and screams, I burst at the seams — In fear.
I’m scared.
She‘s choking me. I can’t breathe. Set me free. Please.
With a start I wake. I see — I’m safe.
Until I sleep again.
To my childhood home, each night she comes. I wake each morning screaming.
A woman I don’t know, I can’t seem to run. Each night while I lay dreaming.