My heart is beating. My chest is rising and falling with each steady breath. My eyes can see and my ears can hear.

I am here. My heart is beating.

My eyes are heavy and my limbs are numb. But I am still here.

I’m here but you’re not.

My heart is beating but yours stopped.

I'm sorry. I don't know why.

I have a jar. In that jar I put all of the little things. The things that don’t matter. The troublesome things. The things I’ll handle later. I put them in the jar and screw the lid so tight that my palms ache.

One day, I had more things to put in the jar. The lid was so tight. I fought with it. I struggled and cursed until finally, the jar was open. But all of the little things spilled out as one. The large, bubbling mass seemed abhorrently large. It grew larger and larger until it swallowed me.

Now I am a little thing.

Inconsolable,

Fire away,

Burn me in your halo,

Make it quick,

Light the wick,

A crackle,

A flash,

A seamless crash,

I am silent,

Devoured within,

Close my eyes,

To this wretched sin.

Everyone gawked. Some stared in wonder, others in disgust. There it was. In all of its putrid, horrific glory. It shambled along in halting, almost hesitant steps. No one wanted to look directly at it- maybe it was contagious. What was it, even…before? What had happened? No one cared. They wanted it to go. They wanted it to hurry along its little path of requiem. It was a self-requiem- they wouldn’t mourn. It carried a tattered blanket. Stitches showed the former attempts at repairing the cloth. Rips showed the futility of the attempt. Eyes bored hard at it.

“Go away.” A child said. Had it liked children once? Maybe it dreamed of having them. But that dream died. Maybe it died after being given form or while only a thought. It didn’t matter anymore. The child was right. It was trying to go. It felt unwillingly tethered to this place. It was a reminder that bad endings exist. It wanted nothing more than to complete this journey. It had almost done, it once. Sweet, black, unending sleep. The nightmare started when it was brought back. Why? Who wanted this? There was hope, for a moment. Like a brief flicker of the sun through blinds, it was there.

Now there was nothing. It just had to keep going. It would no longer try to find meaning. It would walk and walk and walk until it could finally expire. “Please…don’t remember this. Remember the form I used to have. I was that person, once. Remember when I smiled. If you remember this, I’ll be poisoned, their memory will shift- the former me will disappear and be replaced by this image. Don’t do it. This isn’t me…..

This isn’t me.”