I have this fear under my skin

I can't reach it,

I can't scratch it

it's just there,

sometimes it subsides

so I barely notice it

and on other days it fills me up

crippling my thoughts

freezing my heart

and slowing my movements,

I can't touch it

but I can sense it,

I know exactly where it is

it hides at the back of my throat

slides down my back

and lands in my stomach

it's a mover

it never sits still

vibrating and expanding

it makes me scared

as it should

for that is its sole purpose

it's not motivating

it doesn't want to make me whole,

I always had it

it's always with me

never leaving, never letting me go

and now it's got worse

with my loss,

with a new missing piece

as if my void had once again expended

moved and shifted,

I worry because of it

I never know if it's real,

or just pretense

does it mean anything

or is it just "my thing"

it pains me, it makes me shiver

shedding tears out of hopelessness

that I often feel...

but at times it fades

and I forget, smiling despite it all

good souls around me

giving me hope...

but today I just needed to let it go

so it falls off my chest,

because it's been circling around me

and demanded my attention,

so in this moment

I let it go

I let it fly,

so it no longer chokes me

and freezes my touch

it will return

for it is a part of life

but for now, I'm letting it go

...........................................................................

Looking at you is like looking at a mirror, a reflectiong in the water. Those black eyes stare back at me, that pale skin looks as if it's about to peel. Black bags hang from under your eyes as if you haven't been getting any sleep lately. Your hair, it's desheveled. Your black hair is cut short and is messy. Your body looks skinny, like you haven't eaten in a long time. Scars riddle your body. That skin makes them pop out. Red on white, red on white, red on white... That white, pale skin make those tiny, red scars just pop. Those tiny, thin, red scars aligning your skin...

Where did those come from, the scars. Were you in a fight? Were you hurt? Why? You looks as if you haven't slept in weeks and your body is riddled in cuts.

You stay quiet and cough a lot. Are you sick? Are you just that shy? Whenever you talk it's kinda raspy and you stutter and you're quiet. It's like you've never talked. It's strange to hear sometimes...

But then I come to realization.

You are annoying. You are a screw up. You're!...

At the end of the day I come back to realization, I'm just looking at you here. Heh... You're just a reflection in the water of truth, the present., result of great pain. I'm looking at nothing but a reflection in the mirror...

"You think you want to die...

...But in reality you just want to be saved"

Row row row your boat gently down the stream.

Head down to the end and finish it with a scream.

The water's churning down the river bead,

now it's time to cut off your head.

Now sweetie, don't let the blood squirt,

I really don't want to put on another shirt.

Ah yes! Such a fine specimen. Quite amazing!

Now the rest of the body in flames a blazing!

Time to find the next specimen, pretty one.

But times a running out, soon there'll be none.

Row row row your book gently down the stream,

head down to the end and finish it with a scream!