Hey Celaena,

I guess you were right. You do give people falsified hope, now that I think about it. I’m so confused. What were you trying to do? You acted all flustered when I complimented you. (Were you really?)

And when I told you I liked you, you hid your face and smiled so beautifully it made my heart ache. Perhaps you smiled because you thought it was a joke. (Or perhaps it was merely my eyes playing tricks on me.)

Honestly, if you never told me you were flattered when I said you looked pretty, I would never have even hoped to be liked (loved) by you.

Perhaps I misread the signs. Perhaps I thought you liked me back just a little. Perhaps the fact that you actually contemplated dating me for a heartbeat instead of outright rejecting me also gave me a bit of hope.

Oh, you dreamt of me last night? It doesn’t mean anything, right? Holding my hand so tight and not letting go; falling asleep on my lap. It doesn’t mean anything, right? (I wish it did.)

I wish you liked me back.

But… you know what? Even if we don’t date, I think… I think I’m happy knowing that at some point in time, I was somewhere in your heart. Not as a friend, but as something… a little more.

~ Love, Avery

Slow

to leave

the darkness

the comfort

the oblivion

of sleep

I awaken

day

after

day

after

day

to a world

drained

of color

of joy

of energy

suffocating

on hues

of gray

I feel

heavy

lumbering

listless

my body

an unwanted

weight

the air

laden

with melancholy

despair

woe

my mind

mired

in the endless

soul-destroying

mind-numbing

why’s

of it all

the answers

to which

I do not

know.

It beats for me to live.

Yet, it slays me.

It has a mind of its own, I'm sure.

I try staying strong.

Through sadness.

But my heart makes me cry anyway.

I try getting over things.

Forgetting. Moving on.

But my heart won't let go.

I try focusing on myself.

Just me.

But my heart cares for others.

I try to ignore problems.

To eliminate stress.

But my heart is sympathetic.

I should listen to my heart.

Within lies a voice.

A greater power.

My heart beats for me to live.

And, I've found,

It beats for others, too.