“You read much?

“No?

“Well, I write different kinds of things. I really don’t like to talk about it, but seeing as it’s you…

“I started writing back in high school. That's where I won my first Newberry prize for “Hey, You are Not My Feet”. It was my first best seller and was made into a TV movie for a Peoria UHF station.

“In college, I studied under um… Samuel Clemens (he liked to be called “Sammy”) and Charles Dickens (him I called “Uncle Chuck”). They were so impressed by my super amazing writing skills they insisted I join the faculty. Of course I was soon made the head of the English Department. Three years later I graduated with a Phd in Excellent Writing. I was only 14 years old, y’know.

“Yeah, you can call me “Doctor” if you want… I don’t insist on it, ’cause that’s not the kind of guy I am.

“After I got that Phd my writer career really took off.

“You ever read “Get off My Shovel”? Well, that won me my first Booker award.

"How ’bout the sequel, “Hey, You’re Still on My Shovel”? No? That one got turned into a play. It ran on Broadway and got me a whole bunch of Tony awards.

“Now Hollywood is calling but I’m not sure they’d be a good fit for me. I’m not a sellout y’know? They said they want to make one of my best sellers, “Hey, You Put That Back in Your Nose Right This Very Minute” into a major motion picture starring some super big name A-list actors.

“’Course they’re offering me buckets of money, but like I said, I’m not a sellout. I don’t want to cheapen my work. I put too much of my heart and soul into it.

“Currently? I’m working on my magnum opus. It’s a three volume memoir about my life entitled, “Hey, Hand Me That Spatula”.

“It’s sure to draw people together and finally bring world peace.

“More calamari?”

by

p. K. Guncheon

Mundy

Mama finally found me some good paper so now I write my dairy just about

every day. I wish I could write down the days like a real dairy but I don’t

know what they are but I’ll call today Monday because its like the beginning

and I think Monday would be like the beginning of the week if your in

school or work or something. I know when I went to school before Baby

Juny came that I thought Monday was the first day of the week. Baby Juny

is crying and cribbling a lot today. I thinks she’s hungry. Mama doesn’t

always feed her enough when she’s got the powder. I got this smashed up

pen that I found on the street but it still works pretty good. It leaked on my

dress which made Mama mad but I got some tape from the post office guy

and he helped fix my pen so now it doesn’t leak. I tried to wash my dress

but the ink stain didn’t come out.

Thursdy

Baby Juny is awful quiet today. I like to play with her and when she sleep

all day she’s not much fun. She sleeps like that when Mama feds her

sometimes. I think maybe it’s the powder but I don’t know. It rained a lot

today so we had to keep the windows rolled up moat of the time. I drew

pictures on the window fog and wrote my name. I like it when we roll up

the windows all the time because it gets warm real warm and nice. It’s

going to get cold soon. Had some crackers today. Their not my favorite

thing to eat but stopped my tummy hurting.

Fridy

Today was a good day even though it was real cold. Mama went out looking

for guess what and I roled up the windows tight and locked the doors and

Baby Juny and I got under the blankets and got real warm. We hugged and

played and I sang her some songs I made up. I think I want to be a singer

when I grow up. Mama says I have a voice “that’ll make the angels dance”.

I like to sing. Baby Juny just makes funny goobling noises and laughs. I

wonder when she’s going to get some teeth.

Mundy

Mama got real mad at me today. I went outside to throw away all the dirty

Baby Juny diapers because they smelled so bad I could hardly breathe. I left

the door open cause I was just down the street a little bit to the trash can but

that was just he time Mama picked to came back. Oh she was so mad. She

hit me some and pulled on my hair some. She said someone could have

taken all our stuff. I yelled that we didn’t have no stuff nobody would want

and that’s when she hitted me more. Then she said someone could taken

baby Juny and then I thought she was right and I started to cry. Mama said I

should just throw the dirtys out the windows. I don’t think that’s right.

Tusdy

One of the tire ran out of air today so now were sitting all bent all the time.

Fridy

Today was real cold. There’s was ice on the windows this morning but I

couldn’t draw on it because it was outside. Later the sun came out it melted

away. Mama and Baby Juny and me stayed wrapped up in our blankets all

day almost all day until Mama went out to get guess what.

Satrdy

Mama got some money! I don’t know how or how much but she bought us

sodas and hamburgers and frys. I like fry, even if their cold. I think their my

favorite. Baby Juny can’t have any frys because she doesn’t have any teeth

yet but I think one is starting to come in because I saw a little white piece in

where her teeth are supposed to be when she smiled. So she had some soda

that Mama gave her. Baby Juny made a funny face when she drank the soda.

Mama said she would get some gas so we could start the car when it got real

real cold and we could turn on the heater and get warm.

Thursdy

It was warm today. We got to open the windows some which was nice cause

the air inside smelled bd. Baby Juny was sick a lot today. I didn’t have any

more diapys so I had to make some from the napkins and some plastic bags

from the Superette. They worked pretty good.

Mundy

It snowed today. It snowed a bunch. I lifted Baby Juny up to see the snow

and she looked and laughed even though it was real cold. Pretty soon all the

windows got covered. Baby Juny sure has a lot of spit coming out of her

mouth all the time. Mama said itwas because her teeth were coming and I

should soak it up with a bunch of napkins she gets them from the hamburger

place. She gets our ketchup and mustard and stuff from there too and that’s

how we make our soup sometimes. I dreamed about a house that’s always

warm and bed and a room with a floor where Baby Juny and I can play with

toys and a piano so I can sing. And then I’ll be a famous singer and we’ll

live in a mansion like a castle with servants and real food that’s warm or hot

even.

Incident report: 12/ 25./05

Reporting Officer: Alex Petrowski

Badge # 7718

02:12

The bodies of a woman, small girl, and infant, presumably her children,

were recovered from an abandoned car in which they had apparently been

living for some time. Initial medical examination suggests that their deaths

occurred due to carbon monoxide poisoning.