never
never seen
never found
a shadow in the corner
invisible to all
a voice in the back of your head
walking right behind you,
but when you look, nothing's there
hidden, yet visable,
always watching,
every minute, every day,
looking, watching,
whispering taunts in your ear,
wondering from mind to mind,
and always returing to one
Nothing
The mirror was said to reveal the truth. At a certain age, each future leader of our country stood in front of this mirror to see what they really were. As the princess of Ajek, it was my turn to see the truth. I walked slowly to the middle of the room, and turned to face the glass. The mirror's surface remained devoid of any human reflection. I was nothing, neither a leader nor a follower. I was nothing.
slumber
.
Darkness. Just deep purple darkness. Covering my body from foot to toe.
Keeping me under and making me fight for air. Where am I? What happened?
I force myself to find the light. To find my eyelids so I can be again. It takes all of my strength to wake up and when I do... the world seems to be an even darker place.
I gaze at the space before me, look around and scream at the top of my lungs.
Cold ice filling my lungs, terror sipping through my veins. My worst nightmare coming true and tearing me apart into tiny pieces.
___
Dead. Just a ghost now, a shadow of a being.
This is all that’s left of me.
How Fast it all ended, when I wasn’t even looking.
These were my first conscious thoughts when the shock had finally worn off.
It was strange to see my body lying in the morgue, half covered in a black bag. A death certificate lying on a table nearby. The ink on the paper still looked fresh. As if the body didn’t lie there too long. As if I just died... maybe that was true, I couldn’t tell, because I had no memory of actually dying.
___
I spend hours there. Just looking at myself. Staring as if that could change something. As if my stare alone could make that body move and set the spirit inside in motion. Like some of this actually made any sense. Like I still had a choice.
___
I lie on the floor of the morgue, drifting into unconsciousness and drifting back to it. Like my spirit wasn’t sure if it wanted to stay or leave. My soul somehow stuck in between. Trapped in a daze, stranded in a strange alternative of a life. I could feel my vibes getting stronger and weaker, always shifting, almost flowing in the air. Vibrating through time and space. It was really hard to grab onto something, anything that I could use as an anchor. Maybe there was no longer anything to hold on to.
___
I looked one last time at the body that was once mine. That belonged only to me, a body that would now lie in the ground and me... I would just... I make myself focus on this reality, on the world I was leaving behind. I needed to say goodbye, because somehow I felt as if that was the thing that was still keeping me from the final absence.
The simple realization of the fact that I was dead.
That I could no longer change anything.
As I came closer to myself, to the girl that was once me. I bent slightly to touch my own hand. To give that one last touch, a farewell. My faded fingers slipped through the stiff flash and my eyes started to water. Could ghosts cry? Was that even possible?
Was it just my imagination, or a basic memory of the person that I was?
As my spirit reaches her skin, I can feel a difference. I shift. The smallest of triggers.
My eyes turning wider as my silent voice gasps for air... this can’t be... it’s too late.
Yet my eyes can’t be wrong. This was really happening. The body was moving. It’s color returning ever so slowly, just a little blush on the cheeks. Eyelids parting. A small finger twitching, the one that I touched.
The room is still.
The silence shattering through my mind. My head feeling like it will explode at any moment... not possible. Too quiet. Too still. Dead.
But it’s happening, the body returning to life.
Just barely. And still, it does, just another short moment which seems like an eternity... a dark hole sucking me in, frozen just on the edge of dreams.
Stuck. Frozen. Never moving forward.
And when all seems to be lost the girl moves, takes a shallow, frantic breath.
She’s alive. This means that... I stare at her, feeling even stranger that before. If that was even imaginable. I come closer as she looks around panicked. Disorientated. Her eyes still empty. Not quite alive. She looks as if she’s searching for something. So desperate.
She looks up and finally notices me as if I was real too.
There’s a strange sensation in my... in my body. Yes, I could feel it. I feel her lungs as she inhales in deeply. I can hear her heartbeat as it pulsates through my ears. I feel her stare as her eyes burn through mine... as my eyes burn hers just the same .
I feel everything.
It’s time.
I can feel myself walking up to her, without making a single step. I get closer and reach her in just seconds. My fingers drifting to her. Touching her skin. My skin.
It’s over.
I’m back.
Because I was never dead in the first place. It was just a trick.
A plan that was meant for me, to stay alive when everything went wrong.
My back-up plan.
___
Some poisons were hard to find in the human body.
Almost untraceable, able to fool those around.
Desive the audience that the body was dead. When indeed it was only in deep slumber.
And now, I was back and it was time for payback.
You fooled me once sweetheart, shame on me.
You fooled me twice...
..............................................................................
”...tetrodotoxin, a powerful neurotoxin that on top of having no antidote tends to kill people as soon as they ingest it. By taking a dose of this poison, person’s heart rate and breathing supposedly will slow down to virtually nothing, making people believe that the person is actually dead...”
ps. it only works in spy movies ;)
Connecting the Generations 17
Connecting the Generations 17
December 12, 2017
Patti was doing very well in school in her drafting techniques. Once in a while her teacher would ask her to help another student that was behind. She gained the student's confidence and soon they did not need any help. Mr. Rodgers asked her what she intended to do when High School was over. “Well. Sir, I actually thought of joining the US Marine Corp to become a Surveyor.. My Ma says to always follow my heart. My Pa said he would miss my detailed maps.”said Patti with mirth.
“I would like to see some of those maps if your Pa would let me look at them. Your interest in drafting and map making reminds me of my son Jeff. He was about two years older than you when he joined the US Marines. He went into surveying right away. Because of a wound in his legs right now he teaches for the military. He is not sure if he will go out into the field again. Thy love him as a teacher. He told me an officer told someone he was so good he could teach a rock. It's their fighting spirit that sets Marines apart from any other force, but it's also their training and knowledge that gives them the advantage in every battle. If you are serious I'll write him and ask how to guide you to the best courses to study” said Mr Rodgers
Patti revealed her conversation with Mr Rodgers to Ma and Pa when she returned home from school. Pa said of course he could allow her teacher to look at his maps.
“If you are not busy studying Saturday I'd like you to help me figure out a way to keep the snow from blowing back into the field. Your brothers and I get up early, plow a path so the feed truck can get through to drop the hay. When your brothers get back from school the field needs plowing again. it.'s just in that back field. I should have planted some wind breaker trees long ago but didn't.”said Pa. Patti said of course she would help.
After school on Thursday Patti and her Pa went out back and looked around at some of the “Junk but usable” piles of things out in the lean to next to the barn. “Pa. I was thinking about the Australian Snow Fence design for the snow that keeps piling up in the pasture due to the wind. I copied this drawing on the photo copier at school. I asked my teacher what he thought of it for our problem. He said he knew these fences worked well in Australia and if you liked it he would come out and help on Saturday.” said Patti.
Roy looked at the design and then looked at his supplies. “You know dear daughter this might just work. I'll see if your brothers are free to help me Saturday. You are one smart young lady.” said a proud Pa.
Friday after class Patti handed Mr Rodgers a hand written letter from Pa asking him to come to the farm on Saturday. He also said Ma would like him to bring his Missus. Mr Rodgers said to tell her Pa that they would be there early.
Mr Rodgers, his wife Mable and their son Jeff were at the Marion's doorstep early Saturday morning. “Jeff came in late last night for a short visit. I told him about your daughter Patti and her interest in the US Marines. I hope it is OK with you folks that we brought him along.” said Mr Rodgers.
“Of course you are all welcome. Roy and the boys are going out to plow and feed the cattle. If you would like to go with them you are welcome.” said Ma.
Mr Rodgers told Pa to call him Robert instead of Mr. and if there was not a lot of walking Jeff would really like to see the area that was to be fenced.
The men all left and Mike had the truck pulled close to the house so Jeff could sit up in front. Jeff thanked him saying he really would like to get a few shots on his camera of the snow before it was to be plowed.
After the snow was removed Jeff took some quick shots of the area where the hay was to be placed for the cattle.
The men came inside after the animals were fed and found out breakfast was to be served. Ma asked Jeff if he would say the morning prayer. Jeff said he would be pleased to give the morning prayer.
May we eat Well
Blessed are you, Lord God, king of the universe:
you raised your beloved son from the dead,
and made him Lord of all.
We turn to you in prayer
and ask you to bless us
and this food you have given us.
Help us to be generous toward others,
and to work with them so that they too may eat well.
Loving Father,
may we all celebrate together
around your table in heaven.
We praise you and give you glory
through Christ our Lord.
From - Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops, A Book of Blessings, 178.
©Julia A Knaake
Untitled.
Oh so is she the kind you’d bring home to your family? Is it her smile or perfect curls? Maybe it’s her inward love for the world and her kind attitude. Oh so am I not good enough? Is my harsh humor and brash sense of eyes too aggressive to bring to your mother? Is my pocket full of rude wit just too much to handle? But you want to date this girl. You like her. But god damn it, why? I have everything more and yet I’m not good enough. Body, personality, intelligence, humor, connection, drive.... I could go on for ages. But yet you want her and you can’t even considering wanting me. Now that just doesn’t make sense. The only other thing you left me other than doubt is the fear that the next boy I’ll fall for will just end up looking at another inferior girl and I’ll be standing left like an idiot. Ah, but she’s the kind of girl you’d bring home to your family.
"Why, hello there sweetheart," the man says with a cheeky smile stepping out of the strange bule box that just appeared. "The name's the Doctor, and yours?"
Who the hell is this guy? "Uh, my name is Petra?"
A boisterous laughs leaves his mouth. "You don't seem so sure about that!"
God this guy is funny. "He, it's not every day that a random guy appears out of a strange blue box."
"Of course! I should of though of that," the Doctor speaks with a sparkle in his eye.
My eyes move up and down, and I examine his body. He's dressed in a tweed jacket, suspenders, and red bow tie and a ... fez? He tapps his feet on the ground, while poorly whistling a strange tune.
"Uh, Doctor?" I ask, snapping him into focus. "Why are you here?"
He grins even more, "I'm here to rescue you, of course!"
"Rescue me? Why?"
"Well darling, you just happened to be the first person I've come across that needs a little pick-me-up."
I am bewildered. "Me? Maybe."
"So, do you want to come along?"
I look at the blue box in the background. Maybe another day, but today, I need to be alone.
"Maybe another day kind sir. Maybe another day," I reply, looking into the distance.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." With that he steps back into the box, and it disappears. I start to walk away when I hear the same sound. Turning around, the box's door opens.
"Are you really sure? I can take you anywhere in time and space." He says quite convincingly. Maybe I do need to be with someone, and this man wants to be with me.
I start to walk, then run towards the box. "Honestly, I would love to," I reply with a small smile. He opens the door for me to come in.
"It's bigger on the inside," I say in amazement.
He smiles, as if he is reminiscing the past, "I always love it when they say that."