I was born to be broken by you

and grow until my branches creak

in the most pleasing

of ways

from the sweetest of weights

.

all great changes

are preceded by chaos

Stuffy air, heat spreading and attacking my body, a buzzing sound waking me up from a shallow sleep, my tongue permanently glued to the inside of my mouth. I lay on my stomach, feeling the rough covers under my skin, and a heavy moan escapes my throat. I hear someone breathing next to me and then a raspy laugh. My eyelids flutter and someone’s hand smacks me lightly against my bottom. I turn to my side and stare shocked at the man lying next to me. He’s relaxed and still smiling, apparently having the time of his life.

Who are you?

My voice is weak, and my mouth feels like a desert area.

Someone very close to you. Well, as much as two people can be after 18 hours, joined in the holy matrimony.

What? No, no, no... I don’t even know you.

Oh, but you do. See?

He moves his hand up and shows off a wedding band. Then he takes my hand and turns it around, so I can see a similar ring on my left hand.

What is going on around here?

I’m trying to process what I just heard from him, but my mind doesn’t seem to work right, unable to focus on any information.

Without getting into details, it’s quite simple love. Since last night things had changed dramatically and now you got a husband, and I’ve got myself a green card... or will have it soon. Just a matter of time and some paperwork. Everyone is happy, life is good, so just enjoy it.

He stares at me and his smile turns darker.

And don’t worry, we all behaved. The covers didn’t’ fly and the earth didn’t shake. You are just not a very big fan of clothes, then again, neither am I.

My eyes follow him as he casually gets up and disappears into the bathroom, the sound of water filling the remaining silence. His words ring loudly in my head, yet I don’t flinch, don’t run away. I just stare in surprise at the now closed door. Who the hell was this man? I know I should be panicking after waking up to a complete stranger that claims to be my husband, but all I can do is lay on this bed and feel confused. I sit up and cover my naked chest, feeling that I still have underwear on - well, at least that, I think as my eyes scan the surroundings. It’s definitely a motel, a cheap room fit for lost and deprived souls. The window is closed, and the humidity is unbearable, I yearn for a cold shower and a glass of ice water, almost seeing little drops slipping down the glass; the image so powerful that it makes my throat tighten. I start to cough, and the feeling of nausea hits me with force.

How much did we drink?

My voice seems barely audible, but he manages to hear me anyway since it’s the only sound in the room. I hear light footsteps in the thick carpet that covers the floor. I stare at his bare chest and a towel that doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination, yet it doesn’t seem to have much effect on me. The feeling of curiosity and confusion still the most dominant part, he notices my neutral reaction and gives me a funny look.

Well, y o u were definitely drinking. I just tagged along and had some fun as well.

My gaze lingers on him. He could have been right, lately, it has become a habit of mine, and I was wondering if I should start looking for help because the problem was there without any doubt. I sit up, cross my legs like a three-year-old in a nursery, and stare at him. Right now, I had bigger issues to look into; a husband for starters. I ask another question while still waiting for the fear of the unknown and the consequences of last night decisions, but nothing comes.

How much?

I put more pressure on my words.

Enough to wake up in Mexico with a wedding band on your pretty little finger.

He takes something from the nightstand and throws it on the bed. I pick it up and look at all the red lines marking names and numbers. It’s a map. I unfold it and see that someone drew a circle repeatedly over one place. Mexico.

Why here?

Sweat runs down my back and between my breasts, as I still wait for the normal reactions I should have in this situation. Nothing. I imagine myself grabbing clothes from the floor and running away without ever looking back. Then I see myself screaming at him, punching him, and calling the police. In my head, I see him hit me, or throw me on the bed and silence me in so many ways; yet I do nothing.

As said, you weren’t the only one drinking, and it seems that we both got a taste for tequila and a strange sentiment for the desert scenery. It was meant to be, my darling, so take it how you want it. Call it a wild adventure or practicality, but here we are.

I need a shower.

I stand up on shaky legs and head for the bathroom, wrapped around in bad quality sheets.

Afraid I have the only remaining towel in these royal chambers.

The doors of the bathroom shut behind me and I grumble.

I’ll make do.

The only available option in this hell-hole was cold water but I take it with gratitude. Letting it flow over me until my brain starts to work properly. My eyes close as I try to remember the last night. The one thing that I was sure about, was that I had too much alcohol, and probably didn’t need that much reason to drink in the first place. Walking past a bar was a good enough reason as any other. I move my face to the shower head and against my better judgment, open my mouth and drink. Relief overtakes me as the water goes past my dried throat and lends in my stomach. I can almost imagine it filling my bones and all my nerves, hydrating every single cell in my body. I turn off the water and despite any logic; smile.

The funny thing was I didn’t even have a hangover, the thirst was more due to the excruciating heat than the liquor still moving in my veins. I step out and gaze into a small dirty mirror, looking closely at myself. Everything seemed fine from the first glance, nothing to prove that something really bad had happened to me. I put my underwear back on and cover myself loosely with the sheets; as I walk out my eyes move to him automatically. He is laying on the bed and watching the news. He’s wearing green shorts and a white t-shirt. I watch as he turns his head and looks up at me. Those eyes, they grab my attention instantly. The white t-shirt bringing out the deep blue in them, his face slightly crinkling up when he smiles at me. His thick, dark hair still wet from the shower. I finally feel the accelerated heartbeat that I was waiting for all this time.

Come on, sit down. I won’t bite; didn’t last night might not do it now as well.

I sit next to him and try to read something from his face. His smile widens.

I don’t think we have been properly introduced, not this time around anyway. I’m Kostas Callas.

He outstretches his hand and I take it; his skin is warm and the grip firm. I feel the sheets slipping, so I grab them with my other hand.

I’m Emily... wait, Callas now?

I ask just realizing the fact.

Yes, you were gracious enough to accept my last name, and I thank you for that. It’s good to know that some things stay the same in this crazy modern world.

This is insane.

I state simply and lean a bit closer to him without even noticing. He smells of something sweet and rich; I can’t place the smell, but it doesn’t matter.

Life is insane, so we are just following its rules here.

My eyes take in the room again and I frown.

Do you know where my clothes are?

I think for this weather your underwear will suffice.

I’m serious.

As am I... they are probably under the bed, but some should still be in the hallway.

Excuse me?

Yes, I think you aren’t a fan of heat waves and decided to start to get undressed still on your way. Don’t worry, the only things that you took off were your pants and your dignity.

Just the pants?

Yes.

Alright.

That’s the only thing that I ask as my life hasn’t been too perfect lately; a drinking problem causing the moral levels to drop. Then again, it was likely just me making a fool out of myself, nothing more. This was the first time that I brought a man with me and not just a big bill from the bar.

Is that all you want to know about your new husband?

Probably not, just let me find some clothes first, as I seem to still experience some leftovers of my dignity.

Thought so, that’s why I bought you this.

He reaches into some bag and hands me a simple, blue summer dress. I look at it and suddenly feel embarrassed, though I can’t exactly explain why.

You bought this for me?

I decided that my wife deserves something new.

My fingers trace against the delicate fabric and eyes tear up. This was ridiculous. You wake up next to a man that you never laid eyes on and that you are now married to... and this is what breaks you? A stupid dress? I ponder this while still touching the material when I feel his hand on mine.

Is something wrong? Because this is only temporary, and you will regain your freedom in just six months. I also assure you that the money will be transferred to your account, just not all at once. But you have my word for it, I always keep my promises.

I stare at him and feel that he means all of those words and that somehow, he is worth the trust. I put my other hand on his and ignore the slipping sheets. It’s not like he didn’t see it all last night.

I know, but my reaction, it’s... it’s just been a while since someone cared enough to do anything nice for me. I have been going through a rough patch and eventually managed to isolate everyone with the way I was acting. My family, my friends. And now here you are, making this simple gesture, something that I desperately needed and didn’t’ even realize it. You must think I’m crazy, but then again you already knew that when you chose me for your temporary wife.

I chose you because I knew you would be the right person for me. I felt like I could trust you. Don’t ask me how or why. Let’s just make best of this while it lasts.

My hand slips out of his. I get up and I slowly put on the dress, not saying anything or feeling ashamed. Just turning around and letting him zip it up.

You do realize that there is still so much to discuss before anything even starts to resemble normality?

Yes, but we have the time, six months should do just fine.

We step out of the room, passing the dark hallway and stepping out into the scorching sun. So much still had to be said, yet all this craziness didn’t stop me in my tracks, it made me wake up and start to run. Catching up with my life. Kostas being there by my side, carefully bringing us both back from the place that neither wanted to be, hopefully leaving the past behind.

And as the months passed, I learned more about him and decided to stay with him. Even if we met in the strangest circumstances and this marriage had absolutely no reason to work, it somehow did. I don’t know how to explain it, but my messy existence fell into place with him by my side. He was what I wanted.

A steady fire burning in my veins...*

_________

*Kostas / Steady; stable.

memory /noun

the faculty by which the mind stores

and remembers information

I gaze as she starts to move and fidget, her chest moves faster as she inhales deeply and her eyes pop open without warning. She blinks a couple of times, frowns, and sits up confused. My eyes patiently stay on her, as her own eyes grow into focus.

You?

I don’t say anything just wait. She looks down and touches her stomach and then the ribs, but she doesn’t seem to be in any pain. It’s my turn to frown. From what I have been told and from what I could plainly see, she had been banged up pretty hard. My eyes gaze up as she touches her lower lip and hisses. Now that was a reaction I was expecting.

What the heck is going on?

Her stare starts becoming frenzied and wild as she asks the question.

I could ask you the same thing. Where on earth did you go? And what the fuck happened to you? You had me worried sick. Jesus Raven, you could have died.

Tears start to flow down Mel’s face and I can’t help but feel embarrassed by this little display of affection and worry. I’m like an unwilling passerby froze to the spot and being unable to move. The girl apologizes with a weak voice and then stares at me.

Were you at my house last night?

I once again ignore her question and just try to think about what I needed to tell her. I gaze at her calmly now. She still looks confused but I know that a part of her already knows the answer to that question. I’m positive she remembers my smell. It was just in the way that she took her first conscious breath after waking up. Her reaction. I watch as she clings to Mel for support and how tight the woman puts her arm around her. My stare turns serious.

There’s a lot I need to tell you.

Then talk.

Aren’t you going to ask what about?

No, you’re here for a reason. You know something so just tell me before you leave again...

I watch as Mel pinches her and to my surprise, she manages to roll her eyes. Even after all she has been through. How peculiar.

Please.

She adds in a soft voice. Then she stares at my hands, disoriented. She looks worried now.

What happened to your hands?

She touches them and I feel the comforting warmth of her fingers on mine. I ignore it and just groan.

Let’s just say I didn’t use something correctly when exercising.

Exercising? - she sounds doubtful - Like you even need it.

That’s very nice kiddo, but I do it to let go of my high adrenaline levels.

Did you just call me a ‘kiddo’?

I wave my hand dismissively.

Doesn’t matter. Better tell me how your feeling right now.

Fine, I guess. Don’t look at me like that. I mean it. Mel gave me some painkillers and another coat of her cream. It makes the pain go away.

I look to the side, at the pretty woman standing beside Raven. Her expression looks serious and worried.

What kind of cream?

I ask her and she just brushes the question away.

It’s just some special herbs mixed with anesthetic. Nothing that could do her any wrong. I assure you.

Hmm, don’t worry. I don’t doubt you - she looks surprised at me - Just her actions.

I point to the girl and she sends me a dirty look.

This isn’t my fault. They attacked me without warning.

And why did they do that?

Because they were friends with...

I hear her voice start to break and I kneel in front of her. I hold her hand tight to grab her attention. She blushes but I overlook it.

You’re fine now, and he is already taken care of. He won’t get out for many, many years to come. And soon his three cell buddies will join him. He will be in a good company, of creatures just as rotten as him.

She shivers after my last words but doesn’t slide out her hand. My hold loosens and I stroke it a couple of times. Then I get up.

They all should be happy with their outcome. Landing in a dirty cell, and not a couple of feet underground. They should see it as mercy.

I feel the room going quiet and look at them. Two women with the same expression on their faces. It’s a mixture of relief that Raven was okay and terror that came from the possibilities. I stare at them and try to be civil about it and behave. Very unusual for me.

No need to panic. They are safe and sound in their cells. They are just a bit bruised and battered. All I meant, is they could have been in worse shape. I dramatized for effect... because scumbags like that make me sick and furious. But don’t trouble your thoughts. The only person judging them will be the judge at court. I just hope she’s a woman.

I wink at Raven and she seems to relax a bit. The other woman still eyes me suspiciously but eventually, her expression eases up as well. I look at Raven and she returns the stare. There is some determination sparkling up in her eyes that I have never seen before. She nods as if making up her mind.

So what really happened last night?

I sigh and start to walk around the little kitchen. Then I turn back, my mind calculating the possibilities. The matter at state was if I should be completely honest or just give her the most necessary facts. A little bit of both - my mind says without any hesitation.

Tell me, what do you exactly remember? And I will try to fill in the gaps.

I can see all the range of emotions on her face. Panic, fear, denial, and hope for clearance. Then the determination returns. She wants to know the truth. She needs to hear it, no matter what it was. She takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly. Her hands fidget for a moment but then she stops, a frown on her face.

I don’t remember much. I needed to drink. So I went to the bar ordered a bunch of shots... - she sends me a quick look - No, I didn’t drink too much I can handle my alcohol, it’s a weird thing and honestly, it sucks because I can’t be a cheap drunk. I need to spend a lot to get drunk. Anyways, I have seen a few guys playing pool and went to join. One guy wouldn’t take no for an answer he kept hitting on me, then I put him in his place. Well, I thought I did because he apologizes and buys all of us a drink. He, he, he...

She stutters but then grows silent, realization hitting her over the head. It looks like she has difficulty breathing. I see the anger in her eyes spreading like wildfire. Memories that I woke up in her fluttering their wings like tiny golden butterflies - all at once turning into dark raging moths.

The asshole drugged me but I didn’t know. Not until now. I went to go to the bathroom as I wasn’t feeling well and I remember his face in the hallway. That’s it, I don’t remember anything. Then I went there and the place is trashed, and then I went outside and the rest of the goons turned up and then cornered me. Shit when down and then I wake up here.

She leans to the other woman and her eyes closed shut. She wants to hear the truth. I can see that she is terrified. I cut in before she can start to panic again.

I stopped him.

What? How? When did you get there? No, you weren’t there... I would have...

Her eyes snap right open and the words just fall out of her all at once. I lean on the counter again and sigh.

Trust me, I was there. I’ll start from the beginning. Let’s end with all the confusion, shall we?

They both stare at me with tension, the other woman as well. Even though she already heard some of it before. So I stare at them and finally start. I tell them how I got to the pub and saw her there, playing pool with some shady types. One of them much worse than the rest. I leave out what happened in the background. The lamps flickering, the delicious energy that I felt every time the girl was upset. I look at her and describe how he handed her the drink of the night and how her body responded to it after. Then I tell her how he followed her to the bathroom, always watching, waiting. Just like sin crawls behind a sinner. Slowly, with intention and never leaving its sight.

There was something really off about him... and it wasn’t just his horrific hairstyle.

My thoughts wander off to the images of last night; how pleased he looked, how proud of himself he really was. I remember the way my nails scratched the table and how the glass with the gin and tonic broke in half.

Lilly?

It’s Mel’s voice again breaking my frozen state. I focus on the memory of the pain in my hand after the glass broke. I center my thoughts around it and eventually calm down. I notice the girl sending her boss strange looks. As if she didn’t understand her tone when she said my name. Maybe she thought it was too private for someone she had talked with only twice in her life. I wonder if it was jealousy but don’t think too much of it.

I’m fine. I was just overthinking something. I have a very vivid memory, that’s all. Nothing crucial.

What happened next?

I look at the girl who is still watching Mel cautiously. Her stare implies that she knew that she missed out on something again and didn’t look like the idea amused her very much. She crosses her arms and her lips shift into a small pout, though she tries not to show it too much. The other woman stares back and just shakes her head disapprovingly.

I called for backup and followed him.

This makes them look at me.

What do you mean backup?

I am glad that you have such high regards when it comes to my person, but I couldn’t really take care of this on my own, could I now?

I ask and my lies slide smoothly like water over rocks in a river. I almost hear a stream and birds singing. Lying was an art and a language I was fluent at.

That’s not what I meant, I was just curious... I would never let you alone in such a situation... I mean, I am glad that you had a backup, well, not that you aren’t strong or you can’t handle yourself, all I mean is that...

Stop.

I lift my hand in the air, trying to control the flow of words coming out of her mouth. She hushes as her chicks turn almost scarlet.

I know what you meant. I called my friend that always helps me out in need. I have known him for years and have full trust in him.

This was actually true, even though he was assigned to me back when I was a teenager I made sure he was trustworthy. He had to prove it to me until I had no more doubts. I trusted him more than my own mother. Then again the bar wasn’t set too high when it came to her.

Sorry, please finish.

The backup was nearby and came in just a couple of minutes later.

The stream moves gently over little pebbles. Sweet little lies.

But what happened when you started to follow him? Please tell me everything, don’t leave anything out. I need to know everything.

I look at her closely until her gaze lowers. She waits and I start to calculate how to make my story sound.

I followed him to the hallway and then to the bathroom. The whole thing took a long while because your moves had been very uncoordinated, and he was very patient. He thought it was a sure win. He was wrong. When I reached the bathroom, the door to it was open and I saw the two of you there. He was pushing you against the wall and you were struggling. Are you sure you want to listen to more?

I look at her face, all of the colors draining away from it.

Yes, don’t stop. I’m fine.

Suit yourself.

I lightly jump on the counter and sit on it. I make myself comfortable but then I frown remembering.

I saw what he wanted to do but he didn’t have an easy way with you. You were putting up quite a fight for a person in your state... Then something happened to the lights, some electrical surge. It got darker. This caught him off guard. You punched him in the crotch - and may I add, it was very well done. But the thing is, it only made him angrier and out of control. He punched you in the ribs, that’s why they hurt so much today. I’m sorry about that, I should have acted sooner but I had to wait a moment for my friend.

You’re the one because I am here right now, safe.

In a way, yes... but back to the story - suddenly something happened and the lights in the entire place went off. I heard a thud and it must have been the moment when you fainted.

What did you do in the dark? Did he run away, or did he try to...

No, he didn’t even have a chance to think about it. My help arrived and took care of it... Well, alright. Try not to hyperventilate here but I fired it off with a couple of punches to start with. I have a good sight, even in the dark and very feisty nature. Plus, I train - a lot.

You shouldn’t have, it was dangerous and...

No, I should have. Trust me, he had it coming. And my friend took care of the rest. Problem resolved. Done deal.

No, there must have been more, you have to explain in the between stuff. How did I get home?

What happened to me, you have to tell me! I don’t remember!

Alright, fine. Please stay calm and I will tell you all the rest.

I watch Mel put an arm around her again and waits until she calms down.

She’ll be fine now, please continue.

When things were taken care of, I checked in what state you were and the damage that was caused to your ribs. Don’t worry, your honor wasn’t harmed in any way.

I watch as her face really does turn scarlet this time.

Ramsey - the backup, helped me to transport the walking dirt to the police and you to your flat.

How did you know where I lived?

She stares suspiciously as if I was stalking her from day one, when in fact she is the one that just keeps popping up everywhere I go. I lift an eyebrow give her a long stare.

Your ID was in your back pocket.

How did I get to my flat?

She still looks suspicious.

You were being carried in by a man the size of a small mountain. But don’t worry, he didn’t even feel the weight... you do live high though, so the only thing conscious and in pain were my feet.

And he carried me inside as well.

No, he had to take care of the dirt. So I got you to bed.

I hear a low gasp and try to keep a straight face. It was harder and a harder challenge these days.

Well, obviously not in my arms. You do have some weight on you... so pardon, but I had to drag you there. Then I made sure you were alright, covered you with something, and left. The doors had an automatic lock so I left the keys with you. I gave your ID back and put it where I found it, though it wasn’t easy with those tight jeans of yours.

I see Mel cover her mouth when it’s obvious that she is chuckling under her breath. She stands up and clears her throat. She pretends to be busy by the sink. My stare returns to the girl and her still open mouth. I hear it click shut after a second. I gaze at her and smile innocently.

You have a very lovely place. A bit small but charming.

She smiles back with the warmest smile and I try not to frown, she does ruin all the fun for me when she’s so nice. Then I watch as her face changes for second filling with pain, that she tries to control.

Thank you. I like it small, it’s just me there so I don’t need much space - her face suddenly changes and she adds - ...and my pants aren’t that tight.

The corners of my lips lift and my expression turns darker.

Oh, they were tight, it’s a good thing I didn’t have to take them off, of you.

I hear a snort from behind me and see Mel escaping the place, saying she heard a customer, even we both well know it’s closed. I strain my ears, it didn’t seem like she got very far, just on the other side of the door. I don’t comment just look back at Raven, as her helpless stare returns to me. I see her mouth open and close up again, her face getting redder by the minute. I feel like I should have some mercy on her so I don’t add anything. I watch as she stands up but can’t find her balance so she sits back. She looks to the door to check if the other woman didn’t return and see her actual state. She sighs with relief, seeing they are still closed. Her eyes look up and stare at mine.

Thank you for everything, really you saved my life. I owe you big time. Is there anything I can do to repay you?

My expression turns serious and I walk up to her and help her stand up.

No, you don’t owe me anything. But then again, there is this one thing.

I step closer to her as tension fills the room, it simmers. I put a hand on her shoulder and then bend down, my face just inches from hers. I put away a strand of her hair and move my lips to her ear. I let my hot breath tickle her skin and whisper.

Do this for me... stay out of trouble, little girl.

I walk away and leave the room, passing a surprised looking Mel on the way, and hearing faint stutter coming from inside of the kitchen. I smile to myself. Another strange day to add to the list. I take off my jacket, walk slowly to the car, and jump in. I throw off my shoes and move my feet around. The engine roars back to life.

All done, boss?

For now, yes. As for later... it’s still optional.

___________

a link to the book:

https://theprose.com/book/1661/worlds-colliding

and as before, a previous chapter seen from Raven’s perspective

https://theprose.com/post/262607/it-s-a-bright-new-world-part-5

unclear / adjective

not easy to see, hear, or understand

not obvious or definite; ambiguous, feeling doubt or confusion

It’s almost 4 a.m. I stagger up the stairs. Just ten minutes back in the monster truck and I was fully awake. Now I can’t seem to keep my eyes open, the sound of Ramsey’s car engine still vibrating in my ears. I reach the third floor and open the door to my flat and then bang it shut. My shoes and jacket land on the floor, my bag that was already there, keeps them company. I land on my bed, face down and stay like that till the morning. My eyes close and I fall into a peculiar, almost narcoleptic state. Strange images and scenes rolling around in my mind. Strong vines that I cannot see twisting and grabbing my consciousness. The remaining of the night taking me in.

My whole body shuts down. I disappear.

***

I wake up and groan. What time was it? I look at the window and a bright light almost blinds me. I didn’t roll down the blinds last night, too tired to focus on the meaningless details. I look at the clock and yawn - 9:08 a.m. Funny, it felt like noon, but then again I did usually recover quite fast. It came with the powers and my particular life energy. I rub my eyes and sink into the pillows. Something still bothering my not fully awakened mind. I push the pillow to the side and open one eye. I squint at the light and close it again. Why was I so tired last night? It wasn’t exactly like the alcohol that I drank did anything to me, my metabolism was too fast for that. And neither was it the fact that I came home late. That was never an issue.

I think of Raven and that guy I used my energy on. It was hardly anything, I had walks in the park that took more power from me - but I did exercise before, so maybe... I quickly shake that thought away. Those were just little distractions, nothing significant or essential to how my body reacted. I strain and there is a strange panic in my mind.

Why do I feel anxious all of a sudden? I concentrate on each and every part of my body and for a moment it seems that my ribs hurt. Impossible. I touch my waist and stomach, but as soon as the notion came, it also left. I felt perfectly fine now. My eyebrows furrow. Sympathy pains? Oh, rubbish - I think and quickly get out of bed. On my way to the kitchen, I wonder about my dreams, but can’t seem to remember any of them, so I just brush it off. Whatever they were, they couldn’t have been that important.

Time to move on.

I turn on the coffee machine and lean on the counter. My eyes gaze outside the window at the sunny and peaceful weather - the view that she saw did not reflect what was going on inside of her. But this wasn’t the time for those kinds of reflections. So instead, I just shrug my shoulders and go to take a quick shower. I could still taste a faint tang of gin and tonic on my tongue and the smell of cigarettes covering the dress that I never took off. I walk into the bathroom and gaze at my reflection for a long moment. As if I’m waiting to see something out of ordinary. But it’s just me in there, the same as always, just with bigger bags under my eyes. I wave my hand in the air and turn on the water. I wiggle out of the dress and underwear, and then step in. The hot water soothes my senses as I try not to think about anything. I don’t let even a single grain of sand that makes my throughs slip out.

Ten minutes later I walk out of the bathroom, wearing a white cotton shirt and dark blue shorts. I turn on the TV and start to get ready. It’s 9:30 and the local news are on. I dry my hair and listen without special interest. I hear the coffee machine click and head its way when a speaker on the show catches my attention.

“Local small town man confessed to drugging and assaulting women. There were no charges against him but women have been coming forth since this morning saying it’s true. Guilt finally ate...”

I shift back to the TV and a huge smile stretches on my lips. I see his mangled and tired face. Ah, look at that. Mister ‘sticky hands’ is famous now. How lovely. My towel lands on the floor and I cross my arms, listening intently. Instantly my good humor returns and my worries disappear like they were never there. I look at the screen and a reporter with a big square jaw and pearly white teeth. My head tilts to the side. Silly creature, that wasn’t guilt, roaming about in his empty mind and heavy veins. It was a delightful thing called fear. So tasty.

My fingers tap against my arms, and a faint blue light starts to pour out. Like tiny fireworks or microscopic explosions on the sun. Powerful but on a much smaller scale. Worlds colliding in the palms of my hands. I stare satisfied and notice that the water dripping from my hair no longer falls down, but lifts in the air, gliding effortlessly before my eyes. The small drops of water mixing with my energy and filling themselves with light. I smirk. I finally felt good, back to my old self. I start to sip on the hot coffee that I just made and know that the smaller objects in the space around me start to lift as well. This reminds me of something. My lips form a thin line and then I hear my cell phone ring. I push the green button and listen.

Boss, we need to talk.

Not now, Ramsey. I am enjoying myself with a little entertainment.

Sorry boss, but the news is big and can’t wait.

Fine, what’s the issue?

I ran into our little friend from last night.

Yes, and?

She was in an alley close to some diner place...

It’s probably where she works.

I cut in and no longer seem to enjoy my coffee. It feels cold and tasteless. There is silence on the other side of the line. I sigh.

Continue.

I was there because you said to inspect her place and the area around it. She left early in a rush and disappeared into the diner. After some time she stormed out of it and ran into a group of some shady looking types. There were three of them, all sizes. They got her cornered against a wall.

The objects in the room hit the surfaces with a low clinking noise. I look down and notice small pulls of water next to my feet. I clench my jaw.

And what happened then?

They attacked her. One by one. Like a pack of hungry wolves. She got a punch in the jaw and in the ribs.

Enough with Animal Planet, Ramsey. What followed after it?

There is silence on the line again and my hand clenches itself around the phone.

Ramsey, I am running out of patience. So be so nice and answer the damn question.

My voice is low but it vibrates. It could cut through steel right now.

They attacked her and really beat her up. But, boss... she took them on.

Excuse me?

I imagine Raven’s slim and petite figure. Her small hands and gentle smile. I shake my head in disbelief.

More words before I end you.

Another short silence.

It’s just hard to explain. She’s human but she took them on with ease. I mean at first she was getting it, they were pounding her. But just minutes later and something changed. I could hear moans and some bones breaking. And it wasn’t her bones that got broken, boss. It was a big show. Finally, one of them punched her and she landed on the ground, then this guy walked out. I think he was a bartender and that he was trying to help her out.

And then?

She tells him to back away. She seemed terrified by what just happened. Like it was the first time. So the guy walked up to her after he already received a warning. She screamed out and he flew up in the air and landed on his back, sliding backward with speed. But he didn’t look damaged much, just shaken up.

I don’t see Ramsey’s face but I feel him smile. Like he’s proud of her. My fingers clench and the energy that slips out of starts to change its color to a dark blue color that breaks into a soft orange. I quickly try to calm myself down. This was not a good thing. It meant I was really dangerous and could cause damage. I didn’t want to pull this building to the ground, so I started to shift my energy. I focused on how good it always made me feel, the only thing in this world that made me experience the closest thing to happiness. My guilty pleasure when all I was meant to do was to concentrate on the annihilation of it all. Changing the future of all mankind. But not this time. I felt the energy and filtered it, moved it in each cell of my body until it was clean. Until it was pure again. I sigh with relief, regaining my composure.

Boss, you alright?

Yes, perfect as always. What was the final outcome of your charming little tale?

She started to run and bumped into me by “accident’. She’s sure fast, I will give her that. She didn’t look at my face, just kept running like all hell was chasing her.

Where is she now?

My voice is cold and distant, emotions on lockdown. The most practical ability I have learned from my mother.

Just a moment later she went into the diner and hasn’t got out yet. She might have passed out. I’m watching the entry as we speak.

Good. We will have to pay our “friend” and the owner of the diner a little courtesy visit. Pick me up from my place and don’t hold on the breaks. We are short on time.

Of course.

And Ramsey? Did you see where our other three companions ran off to?

They drove away in a beaten up Honda Civic. Probably stolen. I got the license registration and it is already being looked in.

I smile, knowing that Ramsey meant the other likes as him, just worse. Those boys will have a really hard day.

The same instructions as yesterday or do you want them to be treated with special honor?

Special is the right word here... but keep them alive and after, call the cops. I want the ‘gentleman’ from last night to have his team with him. Maybe they can talk about their experiences. Now hurry. I have some storytelling of my own to do. The girl needs some clearance on her missing hours.

I can at least give her that after all the turbulence that she had to endure. I hang up and get dressed. Just a white t-shirt tucked in a pair of bright jeans. Heels from yesterday and a leather jacket on top. I stare at my fingers for a moment. There are some medium size scratches left and pink spots surroundings the burns. They should be gone in less than two days. I lock up and slip my cell phone in the back pocket of my jeans. I usually didn’t bother to take the phone, but lately, I felt more alert. I run downstairs as if I was wearing my sneakers and not 3-inch heels and then hop into the already parked car. I sigh. Let’s get this show on the road.

***

We arrive at the coffee shop and park the car nearby. I leave my helper behind and walk in, ignoring the ‘closed’ sign. My heels click against the ground with a steady rhythm. I look around but don’t see anyone, so I head straight to the kitchen. I hear quiet sobbing as I walk in. It’s the cafe owner, and she is sitting next to the girl. Her head snaps up as she hears me. Her eyes widen and the flow of tears stops immediately. She squares her shoulders and stands up, shielding Raven’s body with hers. I try not to roll my eyes at her. She didn’t deserve any of my natural attitude right about now. She had bigger things to worry about.

The cafe is closed, come back some other time.

Relax, gorgeous. I’m actually here to help.

She crosses her arms and stares me for a long time.

Why are you here? It’s a bit early for you to be enjoying some deserts. We’re closed.

I lift my hands in the air, pretending to give up and lean my back against the kitchen counter.

Mel, right?

You know it is.

I’m not here to cause any ‘extra mess’ - I point to Raven - I just came to clear some stuff up.

What do you mean?

Well, I am guessing that she has some memory loss after last night?

The woman looks surprised by this but quickly controls it.

How do you know?

Because I was there, alright? So stop sending me those looks.

Where? At the bar or...?

Yes, at the bar, where else.

My hands lean against the countertop and I cross my ankles, letting the information sink in as I think about one more place. The girl’s flat. But I don’t mention it, instead, I wait.

Why?

Why what?

I ask irritated and a bit confused breaking away from my own thoughts.

Why were you at the bar?

How evil do you think I really am?

I ask and she seems to be taken aback by my words.

I don’t... I actually don’t. It’s just that this was one stressful morning, to say the least. I’m just trying to make sense of it.

Alright, I understand. I was at the bar for the simplest of meaning. I went to get a drink - well, a couple of them. I had a bad evening and needed to let go of some steam. She was there.

I point to the girl again and watch her chest rise at a steady pace. She should be fine. Things could have gone much worse.

Did you see what happened?

I look back at her and smile.

Did I see? Oh, I joined the show... or should I say intervened - I add as Mel’s face turns to that of true terror, her skin growing pale - I helped out in my own special way.

What did you do?

I shrug at her question.

I stopped something bad from happening and taught a certain male a very valuable lesson about respecting women and the word ‘no’. I think he learned plenty that evening and won’t forget it anytime soon. I assure you.

My eyes turn dark and my lips stretch into a heavy smile as I remember all the details of last night. At the last moment, I stop myself from giggling. That kind of reaction wouldn’t be appreciated right now. I stare at her with confidence but then my stare traces slowly behind her. My eyes narrow and my lips turn into a thin line.

Can you move away?

What? No.

Please step aside, I need to see the whole damage.

Mel crosses her arms again and looks like a mother not trusting the new bully in school to be friends with her child. I stare at calmly and wait. This has to be her decision. Finally, she does as I asked and steps aside, slowly sits down, and tries to have an eye on both of us at the same time. My lips move up but then I look at the girl... and gasp. Her face is all bruised and banged up. Her lips are swollen and so is her jaw. A purple mark that seems to be spreading with each passing moment. I look at her right cheek and see a nasty cut. I make myself stay calm but it’s hard. Whoever did this was already paying for it with the help of her ‘friends’. Ramsey would see to that. I look at her chest and wonder about the bigger damage.

Lilly?

I turn to the side and see the woman standing beside me. She puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. I lower my gaze to match hers. She must notice the anger in my eyes for her grip tightens, bringing my mind into focus. I nod and then look down, I see a pair of pale pink ballerinas and a small, simple apron covering her jeans. I inhale deeply, hold it in for a moment, and exhale. The floor under me stops to vibrate. I wonder if she felt it? Well, either she didn’t or she doesn’t show it. I look at her hand and she lets go of me abruptly but isn’t abashed by it. She is a strong person with a head on her shoulders. Something tells me, she is also a mum.

I just sense it because I know how that kind of energy feels. It’s more stable, solid. It feels safe. Something I never felt when growing up. I look at her again - my eyes narrowing - or maybe she will be a mum soon. I had a hard time placing my finger on it. But the energy felt so familiar. My mind snaps back to life.

I’m fine now. How are her ribs?

She got it hard but it’s being fixed.

I look at her questioningly but don’t ask any further on the subject - there were other matters that needed explanation.

In what state did you find her today?

Mel sighs and seems very tired all of a sudden.

She was late for work and that almost never happens. She ran in and was trying to hide whatever was really going on. But I know her, she was really messed up and her ribs... I just, things were bad. She was really panicked and didn’t seem to make much sense. She was terrified and when she heard the news on the TV something just snapped. She burst out of here like an animal burning alive. I didn’t know where she was. She disappeared before I could even walk out. Raven is such a fast runner. she really loves it...

The woman’s voice trails off. I watch as she walks up to the sink, takes a dishcloth, and starts to dry the dishes. After, she washes them and dries them again. I walk up to her and take a plate from her. I put both of my hands on her slim shoulders and stare into her eyes. She blinks a couple of times and goes to sit by Raven.

I’m sorry. I’m just worried. I have known her since she was a teenager and had no place to go. I watched her grew up into this amazing woman and now I am not sure how to help her. She’s so confused.

I will try to clear up some things when she wakes up.

The woman nods again.

Thank you for coming here.

It was something that needed to be done.

I sit down on Raven’s other side, keeping a space between us. My eyes wander off to Mel, sitting on her other side. Her face that of constant worry. I couldn’t really blame her, she seemed to be very emotionally attached to the girl. Like an older sister would be or a caring mother - well, from what I heard, I couldn’t base it on my own experience. My ‘life giver’ was a very specific person. I shake off the thought and try to minimalize the memories that were breaking through. I slow down my breathing and block everything.

Time passes and we just sit in silence, with only the ticking of the clock on the wall and the sounds of our breaths. I’m starting to regret the decision to even come here. What was I thinking? I look down at the girl and my fingers curl up and tighten, new energy buzzing inside of me. Some things just needed to be explained, no other way around it. Otherwise, the situation would get even more complicated, and dangerous. This Raven warrior lookalike had to learn some rules because everything about her seemed to attract danger. After all, it brought me to her of all people. Her biggest life risk... and she, mine.

______________

a link to the book:

https://theprose.com/book/1661/worlds-colliding

and a previous chapter seen from Raven’s perspective for the curious ones

https://theprose.com/post/262607/it-s-a-bright-new-world-part-5

__________

Our demons stare at each other 

Yours, a void

Mine, an open flame

Mine wails in pain

Yours suffocates in total silence

Both, longing to be held

You cannot hold a void, for there is nothing to grasp in emptiness

You cannot hold a flame, for you'll surely burn when you reach.

The flame steps into the void, giving light to its corners

The void contains the flame, giving it modulation

...

She takes small steps, her legs leading her to the beach, a fragile figure, barely visible against a raging storm. Dark clouds covering the sky, cold drops falling on pale cheeks. Her breaths are uneven and shallow as she stumbles forward, bare feet sinking in the sand. She’s dressed in a black, heavy coat. Sharp gusts of wind opening it with every blow, a thin hospital gown the only thing she has underneath. She holds it tightly, her fingers almost white against the dark woolen material. It wasn’t even hers. They hid all of her clothes because she didn’t need them. Hospital clothes and her covers were all she had. After all, she wasn’t going anywhere. It was too late for that.

Slowly moving forward, a few more unsure steps, just to get closer to the ocean. Just a bit closer. She wants to perceive it, inhale it with her entire being. Just the smell of the salty waters, tiny particles of iodine from the seaweed promising to make her feel better; and not just the constant odor of sickness and medicine. It was just too late. She knew that for a long time now, even if her family tried to convince her otherwise. “There is always hope Anne, they are going to find a donor for you. I know they will. You just have to be patient, child” The same empty words not really giving her any hope to hold on to. These days were numbered, she just wasn’t sure how many she still got left. Two, four days? A week, or a month? Maybe more, maybe less? She didn’t know. Twenty-two years wasn’t such a bad score.

Gazing at the water, she makes an attempt to move. One step, two, three, four... That’s the moment when her legs buckle under her, deciding that this will be all that she gets. Anne’s weakened body falls to the ground and lays on the wet sand. Her breathing more shallow than before. She wants to spit out her lungs so there will be no more pain. She wants to open her chest and rip out the heart, that hasn’t been working for the past year. She scratches her throat as if she were looking for hidden air. For a moment her face lands in the sand too, she can hardly breathe in this position, but it brings her a strange almost masochistic pleasure to feel like that; as if she still had some faint control over her life, as if she could end this. Here and now... She growls into the ground and makes herself lift a bit. She spits the sand out of her mouth and coughs for what seems like forever. Her body lifts even more and she sits up on her knees.

The breathing slows down and the last coughs stop. Tears running down her face. She inhales and finally feels the breeze on her face and the ocean in tired lungs. Eyes focused on the waves crashing with force and the storm coming closer. Maybe it will take her with it. Breathe in, breathe out - light lips lifting slightly. She has made it hear, reaching her goal; a little dream that she could still make happen on her own. This sickness has taken so much. Eyes closed, she lets the simple sounds of the ocean fill her up, but other words break through too. Atrial fibrillation. Type: Permanent. She tries to block the too known words but they keep hitting her. Heart abnormality from birth, treated too late. She clenches her eyelids tighter. Right-side heart failure. Recurring and badly treated health issues. “Your immune system is that of an infant, we will use medication to improve...” She finally blocks it and just listens to the tides rise anbd fall.

With eyes open again, she pulls the coat tighter around a slim figure. I couldn’t find any shoes, the slippers fell off in the sand. She gazes at the water as the same thought bounces in her mind. This isn’t my coat. She can hardly feel her fingers as her eyelids begin to get heavy. I’m so tired all the time, I just need to sleep. Her head feels dizzy, and her breaths become shorter with every passing minute. Maybe today is the day. She makes herself look at the world, still feeling the wind in her hair and the fading rain on her cheeks. Her hand goes to her chest once more, barely hearing her mistaken heartbeats. There is a pull somewhere inside her and she groans, her vision blurry. She collapses into the sand. And as she drifts into unconsciousness she can sense cold hands wrapping around her and picking her up.

“There you are, once again running away”.

A man in his mid-thirties holds her tighter and starts to walk back to the building. This wasn’t the first time that she has disappeared, but she never managed to get that far. She had a strong spirit but this couldn’t be stable for her health. At least there was some good news, the situation has changed.

_________

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXwPUYU8rTI Birdy "shelter"

there is a layer of sweat and dirt clung to her that she can’t get rid of, dried blood in between her nails and taste of burnt ashes and iron on her tongue. bitter and sour.

she is exhausted. her movements are sluggish as she stumbles through the rumbles and ruins that were once her home. her breathing is uneven, grows even more ragged with each step she takes forward as the blade wound in her stomach burns. she grits her teeth and clenches her hand but doesn’t stop. doesn’t stop even when’s the itch in her throat that’s driving her crazy, the buildup of the taste of iron until the pressure is too much and she vomits blood. she pushes her self forward and forces her muscles to move.

because she can’t feel him anymore, he is gone.

.

.

.

she was in the heart of battlefield, drunk on the warm feeling spread across her arms twins of dragon tattoos glowing golden, her magic spilling from the tips of her fingers, a galaxy of stars burning around her when suddenly— the warmth disappeared. she froze. faltered in her spell; a moment of distraction, an opening that her the opponent took advantage of plunging a blade into the side of her stomach. but she didn’t recognise the pain, only focused on the fading dragon tattoos. he was dying.

it was a split decision. she called on her magic, feeling the tide of magic that raises, heavy and vast as the ocean, and like a hurricane breaking through fragile barriers she cut through space and teleported to the last area she felt their connection break—

only to howl in pain, her knee buckling under the force as a sharp stabbing pain suddenly lanced through her. Immediately, she pushed her hand on a wound, applying pressure to at least stop the blood. she didn’t have enough magic left to heal herself unless she wanted to burn out and faint.

so with a shaky breath, she pushed herself up and stood. and what she saw left her wide-eyed and horror-stricken. it was gone, her home. for miles all, she could see was ruins and rumbles of stones and buildings of what once was apart of a mighty kingdom and in the air, she could hear, smell traces of a strong spell. it must have been the oracle, only they were bold enough to barge into their territory like this and tear it apart with their large supplies of magic.

she pushed her rage that bubbled at this knowledge focusing on the task at hand, she had to find evan. glancing at the arms, her heart ached in agony, the glowing dragon tattoos on her arms were reduced to faint grey lines she could barely see. hot on his tail—desaparate— she ran as fast as she could, with one of her hands pressed on her blade wound, before the tattoo could fade out.

in the back of her mind, she recognized what she was doing was treason, abandoning her post on the battlefield but she could care less.

because always, above everything, he mattered the most.

.

.

.

I inhale deeply and watch as a thin grey haze fills the room. Small clouds of heavy smoke swirling around me as if forecasting a change in the weather. Silently waiting for a storm. I narrow my eyes and gaze at the only other person in the small room, then my eyelids close for a moment and a smile spreads on my lips.

“Tilly Saint Jones, now that was a character. Couldn’t stay in place for five seconds even if her life depended on it.”

I look at Marry Lou as she works on her wine. She doesn’t seem to be very interested in the subject. She stretches on the green sofa, her eyes a bit glazed. But then she looks up as if she just heard me.

“People talked a lot about that girl back in the days.”

“Why wouldn’t they, she was a real sight, that one.”

“Yes, Tilly was - special.”

“Don’t smile like that Lou, you’ll get crow’s feet.”

I stare at her for a moment, inspecting her blond curls pinned up like a little piece of art. Some of it slipping out, burgundy heels laying on the floor. She sits in a half lying position, her right arm supporting her head. Her deep emerald eyes narrow like those of a cat.

“Rubbish, I will smile however I want.”

“Do as you please.”

My own eyes wander to the window and the darkness outside, its past twelve and the street seems deserted. I sigh and let my brain sink in the memories. I put down the cigarette and sip on my tonic.

“There was just something about Tilly, pretty girl, but always getting herself into trouble.”

“You used to hang out a lot with her.”

I look at Marry Lou, as she pulls out the pins out of her hair, golden locks falling down her slender shoulders. She seems more relaxed now. Well, I guess that’s what the liquor did. It made us care less about our surrounding and more about our comfort.

“Yes, once upon a blue moon. One could never get bored with that creature. She made everything more fun, while she constantly spent her life running away from herself. Did you know she was married once? She married this businessman from Seattle. She didn’t really care for his money but for the way, he swept her off her feet. Made her feel special. He romanced her and showed her the world. He thought he could keep her. But nothing could keep Tilly in place. Maybe he thought that he would keep his girl entertained. Cause that’s what she was, barely seventeen - but he had the money, so they made it legal. After all, what are over twelve months against the power of real love? Boy, did he have it wrong, four months and she was gone. Like no one ever heard of her, as if she disappeared into thin air. How she managed to run away from such a powerful man? That still remains a mystery.”

“So no one knew?”

“Not officially, but there was gossip, there always is. Most people believed that she had problems and wanted to end herself, but that was just the vile tongues jealous of her new status as Mrs. Edgar Morentine... then again, maybe they were right. Tilly did have problems, so many of them.”

Lou shifts on the sofa and sits up.

“So what actually happened there?”

I light up another cigarette and take off my jacket, the sparkly long dress that I wear under it was a bit uncomfortable but at least it looked good on me.

“As said, there was gossip. But people who were around then, know that the newest Mrs. Morentine was a smart little thing, that could have made things happen if she wanted it badly enough.”

Marry Lou gets more animated, eyes blinking faster.

“So a guy?”.

“Yes, there is always a guy, sweetheart. People said it was the gardener; a strong looking fellow but it was actually his youngest son. Just seventeen but madly in love our little Tilly. She had him wrapped around her finger. He never stood a chance.”

I get up and pour myself another gin and tonic, then I pick up a bottle standing on the floor and pour some wine for Lou. I’m trying to keep her attention awake while she is still animated. She looks up at me and waves a hand at my feet.

“Take off your shoes, darling, this isn’t exactly Milano.”

I do as she says and sit back by the window. I close my eyes and massage my feet. I shouldn’t have spent so many hours in these. The sudden sound of Lou’s voice brings me back.

“So tell me, Katherine. How did T. Saint Jones run away just with the help of a boy? After all, crazy hormones will only get you so far.”

She smiles and sips on the deep ruby liquid, her red lipstick leaving stains on the glass.

“You are thinking like the rest of them. Always not appreciating Tilly’s many, many talents. That girl knew how to get around even at her young age. And she knew that James... let’s call him that, was mad for her, but the thing that was important, was how popular the gardener’s son really was. People were very fond of him. And to get a favor from those people was the easiest thing in the world. Especially when planning an escape.”

I stare at the night behind the thin glass, and lower the zipper of my dress a bit; such a pretty thing but so hard to breathe in. I hear faint rustling sounds and turn my head around. Marry Lou crosses her arms, giving me a funny look.

“Yes?”

“Don’t you think like this story is a bit over the top?”

“No, if anything the story doesn’t have enough facts. There is so much that we don’t know. For example, we know what happened to Tilly in the end. Such sad news, don’t you think?”

“Some of us weren’t that surprised. To be honest, a lot of people thought it would happen sooner.”

“Yes, they didn’t have the same faith in her as I had. They didn’t know how she really was.”

Lou lifts her legs and puts them on the sofa, then strokes the velvet material covering it and furrows her eyebrows.

“Kat, what really happened to Tilly?”

I watch her calmly and see her shiver.

“I think you already know, I think everyone knows.”

“No Kat, I mean why did it happen? Why did she fall?”

“Just like people said, she had problems.”

“But you don’t believe it.”

“Believe in what, Lou?”

“That she took her life because her mind was wrong ... or that she just slipped?”

“Silly girl, a woman like Tilly Saint Jones doesn’t just slip or fall. She doesn’t overdose like the coroner states. I think you and I both know that she had some help with leaving.”

I can see her still shivering as if there was a draft in the room, but she herself doesn’t seem to notice it. She gulps down the entire glass of wine and pours out of what’s left in the bottle. Then she looks at me as if challenging me.

“Tilly was strong. Maybe I didn’t approve of her and gossiped just like the rest of those fools, but that’s the one thing I know for sure. She was strong.”

“Yes, but she was also wild and untamed, too many people trying to kill that quality in her.”

“Katherine?”

“Yes, Lou?”

“Tell me more about Tilly. I want to know her better.”

I light up another cigarette and watch the heavy smoke float lazily in the air.

“Not a problem, we have the whole night for that.”

I smile and empty my glass, running fingers through my thick chocolate brown hair.

“Lou, did I ever tell you how she met that funny fellow, Carl?”

“That painter?”

“Yes, now that guy was amusing. Tilly absolutely adored him. Some she was even close to love.”

“Our little Tilly Saint Jones, in love?”

“Yes, well stranger things happen. But I will tell you one thing. That girl was the wildest of them all. She had adventures that most of us can only dream about. It’s a shame that some didn’t appreciate her the way that they should.”

My voice turns cold as Lou asks with a sudden intensity that wasn’t there before.

“Please, tell me more about her?”

My lips stretch out into a smile and I loosen my dress even more. This story might take a while.

“As said, we have the whole night, and there is much to say about Tilly. So back to that Carl guy. Now that one I really liked, he always made her smile....”

(A slightly ajar door to the room closes, as smoke still lingers in the air and two women talk more. Their voices low in an empty house. The view moves to the hall and then outside. The lock on the front door clicks shut, and the night slowly turns into morning.)

And to this day people still wonder. What did really happen to Tilly Saint Jones? That crazy, unstoppable girl. That’s something no one knows for certain, but people gossip.

After all these years they still gossip.

(The picture slowly grows dark, and a fade out on the scene.)

The end.

havoc /noun/

1. widespread destruction

My freedom from the nightmares doesn’t even last a night. I am confronted with my demons after less than two hours of restless sleep filled with endless tossing and turning. My sheets soaked with sweat and the fear of people whom I don’t even know and will probably never meet.

I wake up with a sore throat from screaming and a beating heart ready to jump out of my chest at any moment. It’s like the hammer always lurking under my skull, is ready to take vengeance with double force. Paying me back for every moment that I spend with only my voice occupying my thoughts. This seems to take forever until the minutes turn to hours, and those hours change into days. I fight it at first, distracting myself in every possible way but eventually even I have to give up. The pain surrounds me like a cocoon until I am no longer able to stand on my own. Everything becomes a gigantic blur of darkness and mayhem colored by my own insanity. Until... until something manages to break through.

Hope is such a funny thing, isn’t it? No matter how bad things are, we always keep it somewhere in the back of our heads. Hidden away in the deepest corners of our minds. Conveniently stashed behind the layers of cynicism that replaced our dreams. But at that moment, I did not let hope set in, I let the thing that happened next, distract me from myself.

______

sometime later...

The bell rings. A piercing sound so high that it seems to make my ears bleed. I moan, throw a small carpet off my body, and drag myself from the wooden floor. My feet stumble under me as I head for the door.

The bell keeps ringing. I hold back the tears. The pain is excruciating.

I look through the peek hole and clench my teeth, trying not to scream and ignore the pneumatic hammer destroying my brain. I swallow, not sure what to do. It’s him. Paying me a house call. Just like he said he would. I watch his worried and frustrated face and stand there for a couple more seconds, frozen to the spot. He starts to pound on the door. I jump back startled, yet still grateful that he didn’t ring the doorbell this time.

I know you’re there...

He starts and then cuts abruptly, probably realizing he never asked for my name. I hear him curse under his nose and then he pounds again on the door.

Just open up. I can see your shadow under the door.

I almost jump back, like a child being caught on doing something bad. I move without coordination, fall to the ground and hit my elbow on the hard wooden floor. I growl while the pain in my head mixes with the one coming from my arm.

Son of a bitch...

Please let me in. I have medical training, remember? I can help.

I lift myself to my knees and get up. Oh, what the hell, he couldn’t possibly make this worse than it already was.

I unhook the multiple chains and locks and step out the door so he doesn’t see the catastrophe, that was once my flat. I couldn’t control what was going around in my head and I lashed out on almost everything I could find. Things flying in the air, the place a mess. Pieces of broken glass everywhere. This time the place really resembled a junkyard.

I cover myself tightly with my oversized, grey hooded blouse. I cross my arms, feeling weak but already going in my defensive mode. The one that I have used, as long as I can remember. Whatever the situation I was in, this has never changed. I stand there in my black, ripped jeans, messy hair tied in a falling apart knot, and stare at him. I bit my lip, not sure what to say or do.

Will you let me in? Or are we just going to stand here like this in awkward silence?

I turn back, open the door wide and step in, not even looking if he is following behind me. I pass the pieces of glass on the floor and sit on a sofa and then close my eyes. My hands tremble.

I hear him come in but keep my eyes closed. Too tired and embarrassed to even look at him. I know I was being childish, and that I desperately needed help.

This is the time you can muck my junkyard.

I say in a low voice and feel him get closer. I don’t have to see him, to guess what’s he’s doing. He crouches in front of me and grabs my hand. I know that normally he would start with examining my body and the possible injuries... but in this case we both know the obvious procedure wouldn’t have worked. I feel his fingers slide against my cold skin and a certain warmth starts to spread. It fills my veins and slowly moves through my cells, and when it finally reaches my head, I start to relax.

This was going on for almost two days straight.

My body starts to tremble again. I open my eyes and look down at him. He still has that worried expression on his face... and it’s this mixture of concern and a kind stare that makes my eyes sting. The idea that someone would care for me like that... for such a nobody like me. I blink and tears start to roll down my face. I quickly wipe them with my sleeve and clear my throat. I feel irritated and angered by my weakness, but still, the relief seems to be the most dominant emotion right now.

Thank you, Charlie.

I said I would come to check up on you.

So a man of your word?

Something like that.

I thought you would call first.

I did. Repeatedly. But there was no signal. I started calling you last night after realizing that 24 hours have passed since your last visit.

I look past him at the kitchen counter, when the phone used to be. My gaze falls down to the ripped cables. I frown and move my left foot to the back. I feel the phone under the sofa. I look up and keep a straight face.

It must be broken again... so you waited for another 24 hours so you could officially start the search and claim me as a missing person.

Well, look who’s mucking now?

I shrug my shoulders trying not to look bothered, at the same time wondering how will I ever repay him for what he was doing for me.

He stands up and looks at me critically. He has a strange expression on his face. Like he’s trying not to laugh. I frown at him. I can feel my defensive mechanisms kicking back in, even if this man probably just saved my life, and my senses.

What?

So which part of your body did you hurt, falling down? You know, when all of those delightful words cascaded from your mouth?

I narrow my eyes, growl and answer him spiting through my teeth.

My right elbow.

Alright then, take off your clothes.

What did you just say??

Relax, I am not here for your doubtful innocence. I just meant your blouse so I can examine the damage... Don’t look at me like that. You could kill people with the stare of those steel, grey eyes.

He says raising his hands in the air and I flinch. I did kill someone, even if his eyes were colder than mine. I don’t say anything, just take off my blouse, revealing a worn out, white spaghetti strap shirt. The material is thin and I am not wearing a bra. I fight the urge to cover myself but he doesn’t seem to even notice. His expression serious and professional.

He opens a medium size, black bag that I didn’t notice before and puts out a pair of latex gloves. He touches my elbow gently and moves it to the side, looking at the scrapped skin and checking if I broke anything. He sterilizes the wound and puts a special gaze bandaid on it.

I think you are going to live, gorgeous.

Mmm, thanks again.

I quickly put on my blouse and zip it up to my neck. I felt very exposed around him, and not just because of the clothes. Just the whole situation mixed with his kindness. I wasn’t used to this.

It’s Eleonore... I thought you might want to know, and I don’t use short forms of my name. So watch it.

You’re very feisty for someone who was just laying on the floor, raving in pain.

Okay. Sorry. I really do appreciate what you did, and that you actually came over to check up on me. I’m just in a bit of stress state lately. That’s all.

Stressed? Don’t you mean excruciating pain that doesn’t seem to have any medical foundations? Because I think that’s what you really meant.

Yeah, that too. Mind not being so observant and perfect?

Perfect, you say.

Because of your medical training and doing house calls without any charge.

Who says it’s free?

Hmm, okay. How about that hammer over the head, for all of your help?

Sounds marvelous. Have you got a medium size one? The big ones can really open up your skull, too much mess if you ask me.

I stare at him for a long moment, debating what he just said and how sarcastic his tone of voice is - and for the first time in what seems like forever, I let myself smile.

Okay, how does tea sound then?

Well, it’s a big compromise but I will take it.

I get up and try not to step on anything dangerous while I walk to the kitchen annex. I fill the kettle with water and put it on the stove. I open a beaten up drawer and look for some matches. It’s not easy with all the clutter inside, but I manage to eventually find them. I light the gas and try not to notice how much my hand is shaking.

Do you have a broom?

I jump up as he stands behind me. I turn around, while I watch him, crossing his arms and giving me a funny look. My heart is pounding like crazy. Let’s face it, I was a complete wrack these days.

Why? Planning on changing your occupation? From a male nurse to a cleaning lady?

You know, that attitude isn’t going to get you very far.

I sigh and hand him an old broom that seemed to be here since I moved in. Then I pretend to wave an imaginary white flag at him.

Here. Sorry for being an ass.

He grins at me and goes to the living room area.

Mind telling me where all the glass is from?

I narrow my eyes and point to a big, tall frame, leaned against the nearest wall. It looks old and made of gold, but it isn’t. I bought it at a flea market, for 85 bucks. I fell in love with it, the moment I saw it and used some of my rent money on it. Still, it was worth it, even if now only the frame was left and the back panel.

I broke the mirror because I didn’t like what I saw in it.

He looks at me in a weird way, like he doesn’t believe that my words could be true. I shrug my shoulders and watch him start to sweep the floor. The kettle begins to whistle after a while, and I open the top cupboard to pick two mugs that are in the best shape. One mug is covered in little violets and the other boldly states“I choose to be a unicorn” It’s a picture of a lama with an attached horn on top of its head. I frown. Yeah, he is getting the flower one. I make rose tea and carefully take the mugs to the little coffee table that’s in front of the sofa. I put everything on a stack of newspapers, not thinking that he would actually mind.

I cross my arms and watch as he sweeps the floor, throws away the pieces of glass to a bin that’s in the kitchen, and puts the rug in its place. Right in the center of the living room. He also grabs some clothes off the floor and sofa and heads to the bathroom. I lean forward and see him throw it to the laundry basket (yes, I am also surprised that I have one and that I didn’t manage to break it yet). My frown deepens as I notice how comfortable he is in here. Like it’s his place. He comes out, wipes the fake sweat off his forehead and sits on the sofa.

Why are you still standing? Come on, sit down.

I was wondering what weapon I would use on you if you started to clean my bedroom.

I sit down and look suspiciously at him as I lift the mug and wrap my cold fingers around it.

I am not going there. It’s a danger zone, and you are out of your genie wishes by now. I am no longer lifting my finger. Well, maybe only for this.

He grabs my wrist for maybe five seconds and then let’s go. He gives me a long stare, probably looking for some reaction from me. The touch of his warm fingers is short, but it momentarily makes me calmer. The warmth of his skin better than the one I get from holding the teacup. My frown disappears and my face muscles start to ease up. He keeps examining my face like he would normally do with his patients. I don’t mind, simply enjoying the silence in my head.

That will do. I think I will handle the rest of the cleaning by myself.

If you think that you are up for it.

More than I was just an hour ago.

We sit around for some time and drink the tea, not really saying much. Just enjoying the silence. From time to time he puts his hand on my wrist and then I just close my eyes, trying to take as much as I can from this. I’m actually surprised that he isn’t asking me a million and one questions while we sit on the sofa. I know that he wants to, but maybe he is just aware of my current state and doesn’t want to push it. Eventually, he gets up.

I need to go to work now. I don’t want to be late for my shift.

I stare at the window and watch as the sun slowly falls over the horizon.

So a night shift?

Yeah, but I actually like it more. I’m not really a morning person.

You and me both... Charlie?

Yeah?

Thank you for this. I might act like a total douchebag, but I am really grateful for what you did for me today.

Did what I had to do, Nora.

Eleonore - I correct him.

Hmm, Nora suits you better.

I told you, no shortening my name.

He puts his hands in the air and his black bag moves around. I try to keep a straight face again.

Alright, Eleonore but only if you will tell me more about yourself next time I see you, and maybe explain what’s really going on around here.

I can’t promise anything.

Very well, Nor...

Okay, okay. I will try, alright? Is that enough?

He just nods his head and walks out of the apartment. I stare at the door for a long time after he leaves. I try not let myself be too hopeful while I think what he actually said. Next time I see you. I try and yet I hold on to those words tightly, like a person drowning, holds on to a razor. I lock the door and head for my bed, that’s in my tiny bedroom. I land on it, and my tired mind falls asleep as soon as I hit the pillow. It’s been so long since I could do that.

I just hope it lasts... even if just for this night.

_____

next chapter...

https://theprose.com/post/233536/catching-up-with-life

.

In the end, he didn’t call the cops. He wanted to though. His eyes kept gazing at me with an unreadable look. He took my hand and walked me out of the small room and into the main hallway. I stared at the gift shop absentmindedly while I let him lead me out. I looked at the colorful balloons and gift cards and wondered if I still remembered how to be happy. I wasn’t sure anymore. The chances of my situation ending in more or less good circumstances were less than zero.

On our way we passed a woman carrying a baby in her arms; she seemed exhausted and beaten up but still managed to smile at her child. She gazed up at me and the smile still lingered on her pale lips. My eyes closed for a moment as I considered how the scene didn’t set any emotions in me. Nothing. I just felt numb, now that the voices in my head had subsided. I stared at the hand holding mine and speculated how long will this last after he lets go. I really didn’t want to find out.

___

And now as he leads me to the front door and stands for a moment in silence, I try to set my mind in the present as the sliding doors open and close over and over again. He doesn’t loosen the grip. I don’t dare to move, ignoring my surroundings, just focusing on the here and now. I couldn’t even plan five minutes ahead.

One more time, can you please explain this to me?

I don’t think that I can.

Why not? You know I can still change my mind and call the cops?

Do what you must.

I say, thinking if he did call the cops, he would have to wait here with me until they got here. I somehow feel selfish, counting on the extra minutes with him.

Just like that? You’re going to give up?

Well, I think that ship has sailed a long time ago. Look, normally I would run away, okay? I would scream, shout and maybe even hit you with something. I would steal the drugs and leave... until I would need more. I would probably choose a different hospital, or maybe the same one, depends on how strong the pain would get... and since it’s getting worse with every day, I think I might visit you again. Something tells me that either way I would end up in prison.

You’re strange. You know that, right?

Mmm, the word doesn’t even begin to describe me.

He gives me another puzzled look, staring at me as if he is not sure what I might do in the next second. His eyebrows scrunched together, forming one line as if he is trying to solve some really hard problem and he doesn’t seem to know from which angle to grab it. He finally lets out a big puff of cold air and shrugs his shoulders, like he’s giving up just like me before.

Alright, look. I can see that you’re not as bad of a person that you seem at first. You’re not exactly a ‘usual’ kind of junkie that I have to deal here almost every day. But still, what you did was a felony and I should report this to my supervisors. I don’t even know what’s stopping me.

I look up at him, at the circles under his blue eyes and his tired face. I didn’t notice it before, too preoccupied with my own sufferings to even care.

I’m sorry, I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t have to. If I had a choice.

He lifts his other hand to his head and ruffles his bright, hazel hair. Then the hand covers his face, and he sighs deeply.

Fine, just go, I won’t call anyone.

He lets go of me and waves his hand as if he wants to get rid of me as soon as possible. I swallow and close my eyes shut. Somehow desperately trying to reverse the time with my mind. Surprisingly my thoughts don’t go back to the moment when all shit went down or to the many mistakes that I did in my life. My mind wanders off to the exact moment when he touched me and for the first time in days, I felt relief. I wanted those extra minutes with him.

And not only because of the miracle abilities that he possessed. There was also something about his presence. It worked soothing on me like nothing bad could happen to me as long as he was near. I try not to think how cliche my words sound in my head and make myself move.

Thank you. I really do appreciate it. If it was someone else...

I start to say and notice that the light from the lamps gets brighter. My head begins to throb but it’s not like before. This pain doesn’t want to open my skull, it’s more of a migraine thing. I hear some whispers and look at the floor. All liveable. I could do this. I look up at him and wonder how long before it gets back to the previous state. I don’t wanna think about it.

What’s wrong?

Nothing that I couldn’t survive. Trust me, it’s much better than it was.

I turn to the sliding doors and walk out into the night. It’s raining a bit but I don’t mind. The rain seems to wash away this terrible day, preparing me for the next one, that probably won’t be as kind. I hear the doors slide again but I keep on walking.

Wait!

I turn around and stare confused at Charlie. He rushes to me as if in an emergency and I am tempted to look behind me, to make sure there wasn’t any accident happening there. But I don’t, because I know, that I am the emergency.

Did you change your mind? Shall I wait for a police vehicle?

I ask, almost amused, lifting my hands as if they were already in handcuffs.

Let’s just say, I am still debating. So stop kidding around.

Okay, okay. So, what do you want?

Your phone number.

Excuse me?

Don’t look so surprised, I feel offended... I need your phone number so I can check up on you. Cause let’s face it, the entire time that I have known you, you look like you are on the verge of collapsing. I don’t want to have this on my conscience if anything happens. I have enough on my head as it is.

Do you have a pen and paper?

How retro of you... and yes, I have. It’s one of the perks of being a male nurse.

I take a small notepad from him and scribble a phone number and my home address. I hand it to him and he stares at it with a funny look.

Not sure if this will work. I don’t really do house calls.

Well, I don’t always pick up... for different reasons. And that’s a landline phone.

No cell phone?

It’s breaking a lot these days. I guess it doesn’t like it when I throw it against a wall.

Or throw it out the window, I think to myself. This was another issue for me. Because of the constant pain, I kept getting panic attacks and fell into a lot of tantrum states, raging on. When my head threatens to explode, the phone’s ring was like a screaming murder to me... that’s why it usually landed on my wall. The landline I only turned on when I didn’t have a surround system speakers in my brain. Which wasn’t often. But I guess even my pain had a scale. Sometimes it was an 8... and sometimes a 100.

So what you are saying, in such an ‘enduring way’ is that you won’t kill me with a hammer if I chose to check up on you?

Yes, sounds about right, since I threw away all of the heavy and sharp objects from my junkyard... I mean my ‘flat’.

Ok, it’s a deal.

He comes closer and extends his left hand. I hesitate for a long moment, not used to being around people as of late. The further away I was from everybody the better chance I had of mental survival. I finally shake his hand, enjoying the peace that this physical contact was giving me. I stare at him for a second, thinking that he might be doing this on purpose.

From one side I knew that he must be really confused about what was really going on. Maybe he thought I was some scam artist and that all I wanted were some free drugs... and in order to make it look convincing, I cooked up some silly story about his wondrous touch. Now, from the other side, I could feel that a part of him wanted to believe me, despite everything that he knew about the world and how much he relied on that knowledge. And not some crazy shit that was going around him. My fingers squeeze tighter around his and then I let go.

And as I leave him and head out into the night, I think to myself that this was a little gift from him. As if he was charging up my batteries for what was to come. I put my grey hood on and try not to be too visible. All I wanted right now, was some peace and rest. Hoping that maybe if I was quiet enough I could disappear and hide away from my problems.

And it doesn’t take very long for them to find me again...

_____

next chapter...

https://theprose.com/post/233009/house-call