If any of this was easy, then I may be somewhere else today.

I fought inside battles and outside wars,

both leaving scars that are just below the surface.

I have fought by myself, with no back up to call.

My weapons are becoming worn,

and I'm running low on ammunition.

I don't know how much longer I can handle the attacks.

But I've survived the biggest one, and even though it left my forces weakened,

I'm still here.

I survived the biggest blows, not by dodging them,

but by going at the head on, never faltering,

and repairing the damage that's been done.

I've tried my best to hide the irreparable damage.

The burden was too much, 

and I had to let them show,

That little moment of weakness provided me with strength.

For even though it was momentary, 

it was enough for someone to notice.

They wanted to assist my efforts, and I tried to turn them away.

The attacks came again, and the only thing keeping me up,

was that one friend.

I am not a victim in this never ending war.

At least that's not the way I want to think,

because being a victim makes me feel like I have no control.

I am a survivor.

I am an in control, and I won't stop fighting,

because no matter what, I am still strong.

How do I rid myself

of these unspoken words? 

The ones that sit in my head

waiting for their release.

They prod at my thoughts,

planning their escape,

But I've kept them caged in

and I can't let them take shape.

The pain that they hold,

hurts me inside,

but I can't let them leave

the pain will subside.

These words that I hold

have the force of a storm.

I'm almost stronger than them,

but I'm starting to conform.

One day they'll break free

and will take me down too, 

that day will come

and I'm afraid that it's soon.

I feel so alone.

Lost in this world,

here one second 

then gone the next.

No one notices me, 

I'm easily forgotten...

looked passed..

ignored.

I don't want it to be this way.

I want to be seen, 

I want to be heard. 

I want to be loved.

These are just a few of the things

I long for.

Love...

     it's the feeling

   of Butterflies in your stomach, 

  and the skip of a beat in your heart.

    it's the feeling

  you get when you meet

  the One.

I've been caught in Love's web.

I don't know how to escape, 

and I don't really want to. 

Never have I felt this feeling 

for anyone else, let alone myself.

I'm afraid of it, 

yet I embrace it.

I worry about it, 

but I'm not running away.

I'm afraid of the pain it could bring.

I worry that I'll make a mistake.

I think about it all the time, 

questioning how Love is making me feel

and what it's making me do.

I think about the things that could go wrong.

What if he doesn't feel the same way?

What of he doesn't want it to last?

Surely this is all in my head, 

because he says it to me.

Surely that means it's true, 

because we are supposed to be honest.

I can only hope that all the worry is in my head, 

because I don't want this feeling to go away.

I love being trapped in the web of Love.

Anxiety has an ever constant presence in my life.

It takes over simple, everyday tasks, and makes them

so much more difficult than they should be.

I can't look my friends in the face when I talk to them.

I annoy the people next to me when I tap my pencil on the desk,

then I realize it annoys me too and I stop.

I shake my leg and only stop when a friend points it out to me.

I look off into space, in every direction, multiple times a minute,

and even when I'm talking.

I'm not doing these things to annoy you or to offend you.

Most of the time, I don't even realize that it's happening.

So please, don't get upset or offended.

I promise I'm not doing it on purpose.

Thoughts race around in my head

like cars on a race track.

My attention cannot be held

for more than 5 seconds on anything.

I zone in and out 

of this reality that I am living in.

Then all of a sudden...

there's nothing.

No thoughts.

I am constantly in motion.

I have to look at everything.

My hands shake...

I stare into the mirror,

and I see a little girl looking at me.

It's the eight-year-old me,

and she's staring right back.

She is grinning back at me, 

happy for what she sees.

She sees beauty, passion,

confidence, and strength.

She is in awe of the person

that she is to become, 

because for her it is 

impossible to think of me.

She is mesmerized by where 

she will one day end up,

and tears of joy fall down

her face when she realizes...

We became strong, independent,

confident, beautiful, and free

and she is looking forward to it.

Hush now,

don't cry.

This pain,

it's only

temporary.

Don't let

those words

harm you.

Don't let

those words

define you.

Those things

they say

are not true.

They aren't

the you

that I know.

If only

they knew,

the you

that I know,

instead of

the one

they want

to know.

Then

everyone

would see

the true

you.

                                                        A

                                               tear is   the 

                                             bodies     way 

                                          of telling       you

                                         that it'll          all be 

                                       okay.                     just 

                                     keep on                  going

                                   no matter                   what 

                                  happens.                         just

                                 remember one                 thing

                                I will always be here with you no

                                  matter what you is going on I 

                                    I will always be by your side

                                       just promise me that you

                                          will not give up, and

                                                that you will 

                                                    hang on.